So Far Away
Chapter 11
By: Sarah
The show that night was awesome. I couldn�t keep my eyes off him and he kept smiling at me. I had never felt so good.
� Alright, this is our last song tonight! Thanks for coming out, you guys rock!� Joel shouted into the mic as the rest of the band started the beginning of �Little things.� Benji started jumping around, shaking his head and playing as hard as possible. I laughed as Maygen grabbed my hands and we started dancing all over the place. I couldn�t wait until the show was over so I could talk to him again.
� I cant wait until I can get Joel ALONE!� She shouted into my ear. I laughed and nodded.
� You are so crazy!�
� We only have tonight! We need all the time we can get!� She exclaimed, laughing. I smiled. I wished we had more time. They were playing D.C the next day, but then that night they were leaving. We only had one night. A lot could happen in one night. A lot could NOT happen in one night, also.
� So I guess you guys won�t be hanging with me and Benj?� I asked. She laughed.
�Sorry. But, hey, you guys should have plenty to�do.� She smiled. I rolled my eyes, shrugging. The thought had been crossing my mind frequently. But was I ready? I wasn�t sure yet.
Finally, the guys were offstage and Maygen and me quickly rushed backstage. Joel and Maygen quickly disappeared, taking off in Maygen�s car.
� Hey.� Benji said, smiling. I hugged him quickly. He was all sweaty and hot, but it was still very nice.
� Hi.� I said a bit awkwardly.
� You wanna get out of here?� He asked. I smiled and nodded. � Good, let�s go to my house so I can get a shower and then we can go get some food or something.� He suggested. I nodded, following him as he grabbed some of his stuff. As we walked out to my car, he took my hand, pulling me into his side. I wrapped my arms around him and we walked like that, all the way to the car.
� You smell.� I laughed. He laughed and pushed me away.
� I think that�s you, Nic.� He smiled, joking. I shook my head, opening the car.
� How about we don�t go out?� I asked, holding my breath. He looked at me, surprised. He smiled, almost nervously and rubbed his hands through his crazy hair. I had never seen him smile like that. A shy, almost bashful smile, but at the same time it was kinda mischievous.
� What do you suggest we do?� he said quietly, tilting his head. I knew what was going through his mind. Truthfully, it was going through mine too.
� Umm�we can just order some food. Rent a movie or something.� I said, making sure to emphasize the �or something�. He smiled and nodded.
� Yea, let�s do that. I don�t feel like going out anyway.� He smiled, shaking his head. Oh god, I wanted him.
We drove in silence, though every once in a while he�d lean over and take my hand. I was so happy that I was finding it hard to pay attention to the road. Everything was just fitting together.
When we got to his house he disappeared into the bathroom. I realized that Joel and Maygen must have gone to her apartment because they weren�t anywhere around. Things looked exactly the same as they did before. Messy and unkempt. I flipped the TV on and sat down on the sofa, waiting for Benji to get out of the shower. The truth was, I was a little nervous. I had no idea what was going to happen that night. I knew what I wanted to happen, but I wasn�t sure if I had enough to guts to let it happen.
I started channel surfing nervously. Nothing held my attention except that monotonous drone of the shower. After about ten minutes of various infomercials, sitcoms and game shows, the shower turned off. I held my breath, listening. I don�t know what I was listening for.
� Why are you SO FAR AWAY? She said! Why wont you ever know, that�s I�m in LOVE WITH YOU! That I�m in loveeeee with youuuuu!� Benji�s voice came blasting out from his room. He walked out, smiling. I laughed. He continued singing �Just Like Heaven� as he shook his head violently, spraying water everywhere.
� BENJI! Stoppp!� I yelled, giggling. I held my hands up, trying to shield myself from the water. He sat down next to me and sighed.
� You told me that if I did a cover of �Just Like Heaven� then you�d love me forever.� He said, his face inches from mind. He smelled so good. Like soap and clean towels. I licked my lips, taking a few short breaths.
� I said if Good Charlotte did a cover, I would believe you. I never said love you forever.� I smiled cheekily. He frowned and pouted.
� What will make you love me forever?� he asked quietly. I thought for a second, surprised. I wasn�t used to him talking to me like this. It was kind of nice.
� If you kiss me.� I said, smiling. He laughed and nodded, reaching forward.
� That, would be my pleasure.� He leaned forward and kissed me gently. I couldn�t help it, but I started laughing, right in the middle of our kiss. Surprised, he pulled away. It just struck me as hilarious that only a few days ago I thought we would never talk again and here we were, making out on his sofa.
� What?!� He asked, smiling. I was laughing so hard that I couldn�t answer him. �Do I still smell or something?� He said, rubbing his fingers through his hair. I shook my head, my sides aching from laughing.
� I�oh�god�Benj�� I laughed. He groaned, rolling his eyes. He hated it when I laughed like this and he didn�t know why.
� TELL ME! or I�ll tickle you!� He yelled, smiling.
� That�won�t HELP!� I laughed. He tackled me anyway, pinning me against the couch. He was practically suffocating me, so I stopped laughing, surprised. � Now I can�t breathe.� I gasped. He didn�t move, though he lifted himself up on his arms.
� Did you miss me, Nic?� He asked quietly. I smiled.
� Yea, Benji. I did. I told you I did.� He nodded, lowering himself on to me. I bit my lip, overwhelmed by everything that was happening. � You were really awesome on stage too,� I said quietly. He beamed, giving me a huge smile.
� Thanks.� He leaned down and suddenly started kissing my neck. I sort of jumped at first, I was so nervous it wasn�t funny. But then I started relaxing, letting him kiss me. My mind was so boggled. I couldn�t believe this was happening.
� Benji�� I said quietly.
� Yea?� He asked, looking up quickly.
� What are we doing?� I asked. Stupid question, I know, but my mind was going crazy.
� Umm�I am�kissing you.� He said quietly. He leaned back down and started kissing my neck again. I sighed, running my hands through his damp hair. He was holding himself up with one arm and with the other hand he was slowly drawing circles on my stomach. It was driving me crazy.
� Benji��
� Yea?�
� Do you still love me?� I asked, scared of the answer. He looked up.
� I never stopped.� He whispered. My heart melted. I smiled, pulling him to me and kissing him passionately. My hands were shaking. He seemed to notice and he took them in his and sat me up.
� Let�s move, ok?� He said, his voice soft. I nodded, never looking away from his eyes. He smiled and helped me up. Taking my hands, he led me into his bedroom. I hadn�t been in there in so long. It looked the same though. A queen sized bed with a dark blue comforter was against the wall farthest from me. Posters and music memorabilia hung all over the walls, while piles of clothes were strewn everywhere on the floor.
I reached up and wrapped my arms tight around his neck. I kissed him softly, reveling in the taste of his lips. Without warning he picked me up and laid me down slowly onto his bed. I sunk into the soft comforter. He started pulling his shirt off but I stopped him.
� Let me?� I asked, hushed. He nodded, his eyes intense. I swallowed. I had never touched him like this before. It almost felt like we were skipping so much. We had hardly made out and here we were, in his room, about to make love. I didn�t care that we were skipping everything in between kissing and sex� I only wanted him. My hands were still shaking as I drew his shirt up, over his head. I ran my fingers slowly down his chest, coming onto my knees so I could kiss his shoulders. He was standing on the ground, while I kneeled on the bed, kissing him everywhere.
� Nic�� He said softly. He gently pulled me up and lifted my shirt off. Leaning forward, he ran his hands down my spine, kissing my stomach and throat. I was shaking and I knew it, but I didn�t care. I couldn�t help it. I reached forward, searching for his belt. He groaned as I pulled slowly at the buckle. I unhooked it and carefully pulled it out of the belt loops. Stepping out of his pants, he leaned down and kissed me. He climbed onto his bed as I moved slowly toward the pillow, lying down. Benji reached behind me, his hands wandering behind my back, clumsily pulling at my bra. His hands were gentle and he seemed a bit nervous as he fumbled with the hook.
� Why can�t I ever get these?� He groaned. I smiled and sat up for a second, unhooking it. He grinned. He slowly slipped the straps off my shoulders and threw it to the ground. Next, his hands were working on my jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping. I sighed, taking a deep breath.
Benji leaned in, kissing me hard, urgently. His hands reached up, caressing my nipples with his strong, confident fingers. He was suddenly moving so fast and hungrily, it almost startled me.
� Benj, Benj�slow down.� I said, pulling his hands away. He looked at me, confused.
� Sorry�� He said, unsure. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him on top of me.
� Just be gentle�ok? I don�t want to get hurt.� I said quietly. Benji looked really surprised for a minute. He frowned for a second.
� You�ve never�you�ve never done this?� He asked. It was my turn to be surprised. So I guess he really did think me and Nate had done it.
� No�I�� I stuttered. He smiled though, leaning down and interrupting me with a kiss.
� Well you are pretty damn good at it so far.� He smiled. I laughed, slapping him playfully on the face.
� Stop being a dork.� I said, smiling.
� You love dorks.� He smiled and kissed me.
� I do.� I nodded and kissed his nose quickly. He leaned down and kissed me softly, reaching down and intertwining his fingers with mine.
� I didn�t know, Nic. I thought that you and�� He paused, swallowing hard. � I don�t want to hurt you.� He said, his eyes tender.
� I�ll be ok.� I whispered, hoping I would be.
� Just tell me, ok?� He asked. I nodded. He leaned down and kissed me, slowly pulling my panties off. � You ready?� He asked with a little smile. I shook my head slowly. I�d never been more ready. He grabbed a condom out of his nightstand and opened it up. I took a deep breath and watched him. He moved back on top me, his arms on either side of my head. I�d never felt so safe, yet so thoroughly scared in my life. He leaned down and kissed me softly before slowly moving into me. I gasped slightly, holding tight onto his arms. At first it only felt awkward, different�but then it started hurting. I held him tighter, gasping.
� OK? Nic?� He said softly, trying so hard not to hurt me. I nodded, biting my lip. He reached up and slowly smoothed my hair back with his hands. I felt my eyes starting to water as the pain got a little worse. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly closed. I felt a tear slip down my face. � Oh god, Nic, I can stop, we don�t have to do this.� He said, reaching up and brushing it away. His eyes were filled with concern and worry. I shook my head.
� No, it�s alright.� I opened my eyes and managed to smile.
� I don�t want to hurt you�� he said again. I smiled, knowing he meant it. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I took a deep breath, realizing it wasn�t hurting as much anymore. The sheer sensation was incredible, despite the initial pain. I couldn�t even grasp the thought that Benji was actually inside me. He slowly started moving a bit faster and I let myself relax finally, the emotions inside me building.
�Are you alright?� He whispered. Oh god, I loved him. I nodded, wrapping my legs around him, pushing him closer. I felt him go deeper and I gasped, this time out of pleasure. He smiled, kissing me. I grasped his hair, pressing him as close as possible. Benji slowly started moving faster, shutting his eyes every once in a while. His one hand was still intertwined with mine, grasping my smaller hand tightly. My whole body started feeling warm all over and I closed my eyes, living in the moment. Benji�s arms tightened around me as I felt him start to lose himself.
� Nic, oh god�� He groaned, grasping my hands. I knew it probably wouldn�t happen for me that time but I didn�t care either. I just wanted to be there with him, feeling him in ways I�d never dreamed of feeling him. I held him tighter, letting him crash down around me. Nothing had ever felt so good. � I love you�� He whispered, his body collapsing onto mine. I pressed my face into his shoulder, holding back tears, and this time they were from happiness.