So Far Away
Chapter 10
By: Sarah
� He�s not going to want to see me.� I said, looking at my watch. It was almost four thirty. The guys would be arriving in Maryland anytime now. Anytime. My heart seemed to know it because as the time moved on, it started beating faster.
� Yes, he will, Nic.� Maygen said. She squeezed my arm and gave me a quick smile. We�d had this conversation practically everyday for the two months. I couldn�t help it. I just had this picture in my mind of seeing Benji, with his arm slung around some skinny blond. He�d see me, and turn his head, pretending he didn�t even know my name.
� We�ve hardly talked since he left and that was two months ago. He�s gonna be able to see right through me, Mayg.� I sighed. I yanked nervously at my shirt and glanced at Maygen. I was so jealous of her. So jealous of her perfect little relationship with Joel. So jealous of how he called her and sent her letters and presents every once in a while. So bitter because Benji didn�t seem to miss me at all in his life, yet on the other hand, I didn�t know what to do with myself when he wasn�t around.
� See right through you, Nic? What have you got to hide?� She asked. I shrugged.
� How much I love him.�
� Why would you hide that? Didn�t Benji tell you he loved you?� She asked. I shook my head, gripping the seat belt. I shouldn�t have let Maygen drive. I forgot how reckless she was. It reminded me a bit of how Benji drove.
� I don�t know how he feels. I don�t want to set myself up, ya know? He never told me he loved me, Mayg, he said he THOUGHT he was falling in love with me. Big difference. In two months he could have easily fallen out of love with me. I don�t blame him if he did.�
� Did YOU fall out of love with him in two months, Nic?� She asked, rolling her eyes.
� No.�
� Then there�s your answer.� She smirked. I groaned and ran my hands through my hair.
� Do I look ok?� I asked, knowing I sounded completely shallow. I didn�t care.
� You look fine. Stop freaking out!� She exclaimed. I looked at my watch for the millionth time.
� He�s not seeing anyone, is he?� I asked, biting my lip. Maygen shook her head, turning the wheel.
� No, I don�t think so.�
� What are we gonna do tonight after the show?� I asked. Maygen shrugged. Ideas were running through my head- movie theater, dinner, hang at someone�s house, party, rent a movie�.
� I dunno. We could go see a movie, or maybe me and Joel will just go home and lock ourselves in my room.� She said, laughing. I couldn�t help but laugh too, slapping her on the arm.
� Shut up! You make me so jealous.� I sighed, shaking my head. She laughed and gaped at me, surprised.
� Oh, little Nic, I totally forgot that you have never�� She smiled. I couldn�t help but blush. I shook my head, sighing. � So you and Nate never did the deed?� She asked. I sighed heavily.
� Close, but no.� I said. She smiled, nodding.
� Benji thinks you did.� She said quickly, shrugging. My jaw dropped.
� Huh? Where�d you hear that from?� I asked, turning to her. She had definitely gotten my attention.
� Benji. I talked to him just the other night and that boy is under the impression that you and Nate had sex. I�ve never seen someone so depressed. In fact, I don�t even know if he knows that you guys broke up.� She said. I could hardly breathe, I was so surprised.
� You�re not joking, are you?� I asked, frowning. She shook her head, placing her hand over her heart.
� Cross my heart.� She smiled. � He wanted to be your first, I guess.� She said with a little devilish grin. I shrieked, smacking her on the arm. Maygen laughed loudly, slapping me back.
� Don�t say that!� I yelled, laughing.
� Come on, Nic. Would you have sex with Benji? I know you would.� She laughed. I sighed.
� I don�t know, Mayg! I�m not a slut!�
� You were gonna fuck Nate a week after you started going out!� She exclaimed. I rolled my eyes and groaned.
� I didn�t though.�
� Why? Because you were saving yourself for the Benj-meister?� She asked, laughing hysterically. I groaned, but couldn�t help but crack a smile.
� Shut up.� I said, rubbing my head. She slowly stopped laughing and when she finally got herself together I decided to tell her the truth. � I was, Maygen.� I said quietly.
� You were what?� She asked, flipping the radio station.
� I was saving myself for Benji.� I said, feeling completely one hundred percent stupid. She gaped at me, completely surprised.
� Really? That has got to be the sweetest thing I�ve ever heard.�
� Not really, Mayg�it�s the reason why I�m still a virgin.� I sighed, groaning.
� Oh, wow. Nic, you have to talk to him�you are so in love with him. He�s is so in love with you. It makes perfect sense!! Every time I talk to him, he brings you up. He wants to know how you are and if you�re happy. He misses you so much. Nic, you have to talk to him. � She said, pushing me gently. I sighed, knowing she was right.
� I will, Mayg. I�ll talk to him tonight after the show.� I said. She smiled happily and pulled up to the Benji and Joel�s house. I already knew it was going to be a horribly long night.
I watched as Maygen ran to Joel, wrapping her arms around his neck. He picked her up and spun her around, kissing her all over. I swallowed hard, trying not to feel jealous. It was impossible not to. I looked around the house and saw they had already dumped all their crap everywhere. There were clothes and magazines and paper everywhere. They were only going to be back for two days!
� Nic!� Joel smiled. I hugged him tightly, kissing him on the cheek.
� Hey, how are you?� I smiled. He hugged me again and laughed.
� Good, you?�
� Alright.� I smiled as we pulled away. He gave me a funny look for a second but then leaned forward, his mouth close to my ear.
� Benji is in the kitchen, go cheer him up?� He said with a smile. I nodded, but didn�t smile. I couldn�t, I was too nervous. I left the room and slowly made my way to the kitchen. I had to do this. I couldn�t live with myself if I didn�t. I walked in, looking around. He was sitting at the table, hunched over, his head against his arms. He had his hood up but I could see some of his dark hair poking out the front. I could never miss that hair. There were two beers in front of him, though he wasn�t drinking either of them at the time. He was wearing a dark green hoodie and red plaid pants that totally clashed, but it was so Benji that I couldn�t help but smile.
I walked over and wasn�t sure what to do once I got there. I slowly reached up and put my hand lightly on his back. Startled, he sat up and turned around. His eyes got huge for a second, but then he smiled.
� Nic.� He said. My name never sounded so sweet.
� Hey.� I said, trying to stay calm, but my voice was soft and shaky. He reached forward and hugged me. I was surprised at first, but then I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. We stood there, hugging for what seemed like forever. Neither of us wanted to let go. He just felt so�solid and stable. Everything I wasn�t.
� How are you?� He asked, his voice low. I nodded.
� I�m ok.� My voice was shaky. � Though I would be better if things were different.� I wanted to add, but I didn�t. He smiled again.
� Good. I�m glad.� He said. I took a deep breath and we both sat down at the table. He picked up something off the seat next to him and handed it to me. It was a dark blue Goldfinger hoodie.
� For you�so you don�t have to keep stealing mine.� He smiled and rubbed his hands through his hair. I laughed, hugging it to me.
� What if I like stealing yours?� I asked. His smile faded. I needed to say something, NOW. �Benji, can we talk?� I asked. He nodded, looking nervous all the sudden. He grabbed a beer and took a long drink before answering me.
� Yea.�
� About what happened before you left�� I stuttered. He nodded, suddenly finding his beer utterly amazing.
� Yea, about that Nic�� He started, but I cut him off.
� No, Benj, just let me talk, ok? I need to get this out.� I said finally. He nodded and looked up at me with those dark eyes that I had missed so much. My heart skipped a beat. � That night�all these things happened and�� I didn�t know what to say now that I finally had his attention. He butted in again.
� Are you still seeing Nate?� He asked, looking up from under heavy lids. I shook my head.
� No.� I said quietly. He nodded, but didn�t respond. �Listen, Benji. I�ll be honest with you�the last two months of my life, have been complete and utter hell. I wake up every morning and I think about what happened before you left and�I don�t think I can live with myself knowing that I could have hurt you in anyway. I�missed you so much. I just wanted to call you and talk to you�I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. But�they can�t, can they? Too much has happened. I don�t know if that�s good or bad, but I really want that to be a good thing, Benj. I don�t want to go through this world, knowing that I don�t have you with me. You mean more to me than I think I can even fathom.� I paused, looking at his face. He wouldn�t even look me in the eyes. it hurt. But I kept going, spilling my heart out to him, handing it to him with my bare hands and hoping, praying that he didn�t throw it on the floor. � I didn�t tell you how much you mean to me that night only because I was so scared of getting hurt myself. But instead, I ended up hurting both of us. I need my best friend back, Benji. I need you.� I took a deep breath, trying to read his face. He was blank, with no expressions. Shit. I had said all the wrong things.
� Nic�� He said slowly. � You�re right, things have changed a lot and�I�� He swallowed, looking deep into my eyes. My heart started pounding, waiting for him to finish. � I feel really shitty about what happened too. I really want to try and fix things�� He said. I couldn�t help but grin, ear to ear. We both paused for a second, an understanding passing through each of us.
The next thing I knew, he leaned forward and I felt his soft lips against mine. He kissed me softly at first, just with his lips. His hands cupped my face and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I couldn�t believe how right it felt, how good it felt to be in his arms. I stroked the back of his neck softly. Our kiss quickly became more passionate. I can definitely say I had never been kissed like he was kissing me. We just seemed to fit together perfectly. He held me close, kissing me with all his heart. I didn�t want him to stop. I had my eyes closed, memorizing the feel of his lips, his taste, his tongue, the way his hands held me gently. I sucked gently on his lips before pulling away, both of us out of breath. He hugged me, pressing his face against mine.
� I missed you.� He whispered. My heart soared as I squeezed him tight, smiling.