When The Stars Cross
Chapter 5
By: Erynn*Alice
Joel stepped onto the terrace of the hotel they were staying at. The beach was right below him and the humid, cool breeze of the ocean poured through his lungs. He was all ready for that night. The boys were going to go out to a bar and get a couple drinks. Joel considered it one step closer to the after party of the San Diego show in two days.
He felt something wet smack him on the top of his head. Running his fingers carefully over his head, he looked up. It was Paul standing right above him, laughing hysterically.
"Dude! Tell me that was not spit!" Joel wiped his hands on his bands and looked in the shiny reflection of the window to see his hair.
Paul laughed louder and turned towards the door back into his room. "Billy, you owe me five bucks, I nailed him on the top of his head!"
"Mother fuckers," He mumbled and walked back inside to see Benji putting his shoes on. "Paul just spit on me. It's de-fucking-scusting."
Benji shook his head. "Billy got me earlier." He watched his brother flop down onto the bed. "Something on your mind, Joel?"
Joel shook his head, lying. "Not much." Joel ran his hand over his hair again, feeling the slick spit amidst the hard gel. "There's spit on my head, however."
"Har, har. Seriously, are you up for this. It's understandable if you're not."
Joel nodded. "Yes. I really need to get back out there. Can't go on forever like this, right?" A small smile leaked out as he made his best happy face. "Let's get going."
Three hours later, the four boys had been joined by members of other bands throughout California. Good Charlotte had managed to get an in with most bands, so a few members from different bands made the drive down to San Diego to meet them.
A bartender walked over to the booth, with men nearly falling out of it, with another round of drinks. Everyone reached in and grabbed what was a second drink for some and a fifth for others. For Joel and Jordan, from New Found Glory, it was their sixth. Benji and Billy had decided to lay off after the first, so they could keep an eye on their boys. A few of the other guys had also decided to keep it to water only.
"Here's to...to...a home coming!" Jordan announced.
Joel laughed and put his drink down. "Man, it's not a homecoming. We don't live here...it's like a...a...vacation coming!"
Jordan leaned across the table and clinked glasses with his friend, both glasses nearly spilling. Benji shot a disapproving gaze towards Joel, who didn't catch it. He didn't like seeing his brother get so drunk, especially when Joel was already so low. Another drink wasn't going to fix his pain.
Ian, another member of New Found Glory, caught on to Benji's look. There wasn't a man in the room who didn't know all about Ashton. Ian knew all too well what Joel was doing. As for Jordan, he just wanted to get drunk.
"Hey, guys, why don't you get some water and chill out on the beer for a bit." Ian suggested.
"Good idea." Benji scowled across the table and signaled the bartender. The bartended walked over and asked them all what they needed. Before Benji could order water for Jordan and Joel, another round of drinks was ordered.
"No, no, no," Billy said when the man began to walk away. "Cancel that last order. A round of water will do just fine."
"Aww, man! Water? Why are you breaking up the fun, man?" Joel asked, his words slurred.
Jordan leaned across the table. "They think you're crazy, man."
"Crazy, why would I be crazy?"
Benji answered, "No one said you were crazy. You're just going to have a bad ass hang over tomorrow."
Joel leaned back, sensing something in his brother's tone. "No, no, no, that's not what it's about at all, is it?"
Paul, who was finishing his third drink, chimed in. "It's your first night out in awhile. Take it easy, no need to burn yourself out so soon."
Joel stood up, "No, you just think I'm trying to forget about Ashton, don't you?"
"Joel," Benji started, tugging at his brother's arm. "Sit down, we're not talking about Ashton, at all."
He pulled his arm away from his twin quickly. "Don't lecture me about drinking, Benji! You're the one who was always hitting the bottle after dad left! I mean, shit, someone had to replace the incoherent-fuck-up of the house hold! I decide for once to try something that might make me feel better, and you try to fuck it up. It's the first time, it doesn't mean I'm going to turn into an irreverent drunk like you and that bastard we call dad." Joel swaggered away from the table, only turning back when he reached the door. "Don't tell me what to do, you never had to deal with this. With leaving the only girl you ever loved for dead. You never had to wonder if she was dead, alive, dying, happy, sad, you never had to deal with that. So just fuck off before you tell me what to do." And with that, he was gone.
Benji's eyes swelled with tears. If he wasn't so hurt, he would have chased after his brother to make sure he was okay, but that night he had never felt so hurt.
Ian looked around the table. "I thought Ashton was dead, for sure."
Paul looked up. "No, he left her after the paramedics put her in the ambulance."
"The paramedics said there was no hope. She wasn't going to live." Billy said.
Benji, who was resting his head on his arms which were folded on the table full of empty and half empty glasses, sat up. "She didn't die."
Jordan, who was quickly sobering up, asked the question on everyone's minds. "What do you mean 'she didn't die'?"
"Joel was going to go see her grave and say a final good-bye. I made some calls, but there was no grave for an Ashton Keats. I made more calls around and found out earlier on tonight that there was also no death certificate." He paused and looked at the door where his brother had just ran out of. "She's alive."
I cannot leave here, I cannot stay Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
I cannot stay here, I cannot leave Just like all I loved, I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems... no one will appear here and make me real
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
You don't care that it haunts me
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me Just how much you...
("This Time Imperfect" by AFI)