No Love Is Unconditional
Chapter 10
By: Erynn*Alice
Benji rubbed the hand of his fianc�e that didn�t have an IV in it. He�d bring his lips to her skin every now and then. She was awake and looking at him, but they were both fine with silence.
�Benji�� Luxx said after awhile. His brown eyes were red rimmed and foggy with tears. Her heart broke to a million pieces when she looked in them. She sat up a little more and leaned over just enough to meet his lips. �I think you�re more worried than I am, Benji.�
He stifled back a few tears and nodded. �I can�t help but worry about you, Luxx.� She nodded in understanding. He ran another hand over her stomach. �You were sleeping, but the doctor said that the baby shouldn�t be much affected by everything.�
Luxx smiled, trying to bring a little more cheer into the room. �That�s good.� Benji smiled wearily and put his chin back down on the mattress and continued with rubbing her hand.
�Is it alright if I come in?� Joel asked, barely opening the door. Luxx nodded and Benji didn�t turn around at the sound of his twin�s voice. He walked in and stood next to Benji. �How are you?�
Luxx shrugged. �I feel fine. My hand hurts, the one with the needle stuck in it.� Joel nodded and looked down at his black clad brother who seemed more focused on Luxx�s hand than anything else in the world.
�Are you alright?� Joel asked Benji as he laid a hand on his shoulder.
�I�m fine,� he said with no emotion showing in his voice. Luxx and Joel exchanged looks.
�How long do you have to stay?�
�Ideally, until they find someone with the same blood type as me and the same something-or-other as the baby.�
�The baby is okay, right?� Joel asked, concerned. Luxx and Benji both nodded. Joel squeezed his brother�s shoulder. �Don�t worry, Benj.�
He shrugged off his twin�s grip and said, �What else is there to do but worry?�
�Why don�t you and Joel go get some food?� Luxx suggested, trying to get Benji to lighten up.
�The guys are here donating blood; we could all go get something to eat. It�d do you good to get out for a little bit.� Benji shook his head and squeezed Luxx�s hand. �Well, you�ve got to eat sometime. I know you skipped lunch, and it�s eight �o� clock right now.�
Benji pulled his chin from the mattress and glared at his brother. �I�m not going. I don�t want to.� Luxx and Joel exchanged glances. �If I leave and something happens, I�ll never forgive myself, Luxx.�
�Benji, I�m not even in ICU. If something happens, they�ll call you. Plus, I�m just going to sleep.� She grabbed a few patch of his hair and pulled his head towards hers playfully. �If you really want me to feel better, Benj, go with Joel, please. And bring me food back.�
He let out an exasperated sigh and looked up at his brother. �A short dinner,� Benji ordered.
�A very short dinner,� Joel confirmed.
Benji stood up and bent over Luxx�s bed to kiss her lips and then kiss her forehead. �Call me if you need anything, Luxx, anything at all.� He said with his lips still pressed against her forehead. �I love you.�
�Just bring me food.� She said smiling. �I love you, too.� He squeezed her hand a final time before he left the room trailing behind his brother.
The two made the silent trek downstairs and stood in the hallway of the blood bank. �Should I see if I can give blood?� Joel asked breaking the stillness of the white walled hallway.
Benji shook his head. �I already tried. If I�m not a match, you won�t be.� He looked at the ground and drew pictures with the toe of his shoe on the tiled floor. �I was close to being a match.�
Billy slowly emerged from a room with a cotton ball and band-aid stuck to his arm. �How�s Luxx?� He asked when he saw Benji standing next to Joel.
�She says she�s fine.� He shrugged and continued to look at the ground. �Thanks for giving blood.�
�No problem. I�m not a match, though. I wish I was, Benj, I really do.� Billy walked over and patted Benji on the back. �Luxx will pull through, she�s like that, you know?� He shrugged Billy�s comment off.
�Who else are we waiting on?� Joel asked.
�God, we�re waiting on just about everyone in California. It�s like a sea of tattoos, black clothes, and piercings in there. A lot of them couldn�t donate because they had gotten tattoos recently, but Paul and Chris are still in there. There are a lot of people.� Billy and Joel exchanged glances over the top of Benji�s head. �A lot of people really care about Luxx.�
�I know.�
�Benji, you know she�s not going to die,� Joel said.
His eyes shot up from the floor. �You don�t know that, you really don�t. She could if she doesn�t get this and if she can�t get the right kind of blood, our baby could.� Benji�s voice quivered under the weight of tears. �I can�t have that. She�s my last chance at a real family, Joel, since ours is so completely fucked up. My mother hates me and my father deserted us. If she�s gone, I might as well be, too.�
�Benji,� Joel walked over to his brother and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. �Things will get better between you and Mom, you know that. You�re her son. And don�t even worry about Dad, he was no father anyway. You�ll be a better one than he could have ever been. You�ve still got me, Sarah, and Josh here for you. Who says a family has to have a mother and a father? We�re family enough, Benji. That�s how it�s been for almost ten years now.�
For the first time since the night he broke the news to his mother, Benji bawled. His back vibrated against his brothers arms.
�I know you�ll always be there for me, Joel. I love you,� Benji said between sobs. �But you can�t give me what Luxx does, no one can.� He felt the remains of black eyeliner drip into his eyes and burn. It stung his eyes at first, but after awhile it felt good it gave him more of a reason to not feel so empty inside. �I can�t live without Luxx, Joel. I need her.�
[And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge/and I struggled to get myself up again/I want to hang onto something/that won't break away or fall apart/Like the pieces of my heart.� Something Corporate: �Globes and Maps�]