The Double Line
Chapter 1
By: Erynn*Alice
She left me because I wasn�t around, and that�s what she said. It�s the truth, but what was I supposed to do for her, drop everything and just leave the band to be with her? I can�t bail on my friends, my band, for a girl. A girl.
�We need to talk.�
A girl won�t last like friends will. No. A girl won�t last like friends can and will. I should have no regrets. None.
I have no regrets when I�m up on stage, playing with the guys. No regrets. It�s in the night when I�m sleeping alone on the unsteady hard bunk bed with no one to wrap my arms around.
God, Mina, why�d you have to make it so difficult? Why�d you have to leave me, when I needed you the most? Why, Mina? Why? Just please, tell me, because I�m dying to know. All I wanted was to give you everything. Anything and everything, and now you�re gone.
�It�s about us.�
Billy tells me that I should have no regrets, everything happens for a reason, right? A reason? My mom is upset that she�s gone, she thought Mina and I were going to get married, have kids. I thought that, too. I mean, we talked about it a thousand times. Mom keeps telling me that it�s all in God�s Plan. What was so wrong with the plan Mina and I had decided on? The twins tell me that there are plenty of other girls out there for me, that Mina wasn�t the only one.
I think she was the only one.
I want her to be the only one. That way my weepy, sulky, boring actions are justified. Hell, either way, they�re justified.
�I love you, you know that, but I just can�t do this anymore.�
It�s not like I�m this horrible boyfriend. It�s not like that. I was the perfect gentleman. I never cheated on her, never pushed her to do things. What else was I supposed to do?
Quit the band? I can�t quit the band, but it seems like the only way I�d get her back would be do throw down my bass right here and now and confess my undying love for Mina Taylor.
Mina Taylor, I love you now, then, and forever.
�Paul, I just can�t have a boyfriend who isn�t here. I can�t date a guy who isn�t around for me to date! It�s not fair.�
I could have given her the world. She could have given me happiness. We could have been that couple everyone wants to be; the happy couple with a few kids, a nice house, the good life. We could have been together.
I told Billy the first night I saw her that she was something. Something worth my time. Something worth something. She hung out with us for two weeks before I even made a move. It was another two weeks until we kissed.
And it was electric.
�I�m only twenty-two. I shouldn�t be tied down with someone who is miles away.�
I�d call her up late at night and ask her if I woke her up. She�d moan softly and tell me I didn�t, she was just going to call me. I never knew if she really was going to call me or if I did wake her up, but it never mattered.
I knew she was too good to be tied down with me. I always felt like I should break up with her, just to spare the both of us the eventual pain that I knew would come sooner or later. It happened to all the guys, distance only makes the pain grow stronger.
I don�t know what I was thinking, though, because for some reason with Mina, I thought I could escape that eventual pain.
�You don�t need to be tied down either. You�ve got so many options. You�re young, you�re in a band, you can have any girl you want just open you�re eyes...�
I mean, there�s no girl like Mina. She was one in a million. Maybe she was that one in a million that wasn�t meant for me, but she was something. She really was.
And now I�m stuck here, between the road and love. Thanks, Mina, you just had to be one in a million.
I need a girlfriend who will support me. Who will want me to be with her, but will understand why I can�t. Is that nothing but a dream? Is it?
�I�m sorry, Paul. This just won�t work anymore. I can�t do this anymore.�
What�s good about breaking up? What�s good about it? Getting back together, but obviously that�s not going to happen.
I hear she�s dating someone else now. Someone who can be by her side when she needs him. She deserves that.
I guess the only time I�ll be seeing her from here on out is through a glass, framed in wood, sitting in perfect stillness forever. Picture perfect.
And I can still see her walking out that door of the restaurant, just leaving me there to watch it swing closed behind her. She gave me a weak smile as she passed by the window that I couldn�t read from the distance, but I knew it was an �I�m sorry, good-bye� smile. The worst kind of smile.
The guys can pat me on the back and tell me that it will get better with time, but I know it will just hurt until I can find someone who might be able to make me feel the way that makes me just want to leap out of my skin and crawl into hers. Someone who I wouldn�t mind just throwing away my career for.
Will I ever find that someone? Will I?
Who knows? I mean, I�m in a new city every night, I�ll probably meet a million girls. There�ll be one. Once I open my eyes, I guess I�ll find that girl who is one in a million.
When?
Hopefully soon, because this pain is horrible.