Weekly World News
I don’t think that there is any weekly paper worse than the Weekly World News. The stories in it make little or no sense, and 90 percent of what they print is just made up news. On the other hand, the stories and pictures they have are funny as hell. I picked up some older copies at then library and decided to put the headlines from stories on my web page. Keep in mind that these are actual stories from the paper. They also seem to like to use the exclamation point for some reason in case you didn’t notice.
Do Ogres Come From Outer Space?
Cook Gets Death Penalty For Using Bacon Fat
Woman Arrested For Stealing The Cremated Remains Of 252 People
Space Alien Poop is Making Us, Sick, Sick, Sick!
Angry Man Kills Neighbor And Then Eats Him.
Ancient Viking Writing Found On Mars.
Woman Runs Out Of Toilet Paper And Kills Herself!
Drug Dealers Hand Out Coupons With Their Addresses On Them!
Speeding Meteorite Kills Six At Atheists’ Picnic
Killers Find 20-Foot-Tall Gingerbread House.
Armless Woman Wins Top Prize in Venus De Milo Look-Alike Picnic
Space Aliens Backed Julius Caesar.
Kentucky Man Is Allergic To His Own Hair – He Has To Shave From Head To Toe Four Times A Day Or Die
Moby Dick’s Ghost Sinks 26 Ships. – Phantom Whale On Rampage Of Terror.
Super-Termites Heading North!
Japanese Invent Suicide Robot!
House Ransacked By Starving Squirrel!
Plants Perk Up With Elephant Poop!
Space Alien Bomb Orbiting Earth!
Tennis Playing Robot Goes Beserk and Bashes Human Opponent To Death!
Neanderthals Were Prehistoric Pansies!
Cheapskate Grandpa Drowns In Privy Pit – While Trying To Retrieve His False Teeth.
St. Patrick Vs. A Leprechaun.
Severed Head Takes Two Puffs Of Cigarette – After Being Decapitated In A Car Wreck.
Your TV May Be Watching You!
U.S. Navy Considered Aircraft Carriers Made Out Of Ice.
Nerd Alert! – How To Avoid Having Your Song Grow Up To Be A Dork,
Daredevil Water Skis For 200 Miles – Behind A Cargo Ship!
Sex Nut Strips Women Using A Vacuum Cleaner!
Busy Signal Condemns Man To Death.
Was Female Alien Sexually Molested At Area 51 Base?
Strip Baskeball Games Lands Boss In Hot Water!
Elephant Kidnaps Woman!
Dolphin Born With Human Arms Dead At 20 Years Old.
Titanic Iceberg Kills Again!
Is Your Computer Possessed By A Demon?
Sex Crazed Granny Forces 46 Men To Make Love To Her … At Gunpoint!
Female Space Aliens Wear Padded Bras!
Demons Suffer From Mental Illness!
Chimps Are Sleazebags Who Lie And Cheat!
3 Year Old Steals Dad’s Car and Drives 250 Miles!
Olympic Broad Jumpers Using Gas Pills To Boost Athletic Performance – Flatulence Outburst Sent One Man An Extra 2 Inches To A New World Record.
Girl Crushed To Death By Giant Snowman.
Killer Werewolf Gets Life In Prison.
Staying Drunk Is Great For Geezers.
Gambler Loses Eye In Craps Shoot!
Philadelphia Mom Gets Sex Change So Her Son Can Have A Dad.
Woman Impaled On Helium Tank Blown Up Like A Human Balloon.
Hitler Is Coming Back!
Woman Sues 700 People – In Just One Year!
Dead Man’s Twin Posed As Blind Woman’s Husband – For 31 Years.
Rats Trained To Do Household Chores!
Nuke Warhead Explodes – When Stupid Russinas Try To Dismantle Missile With An Ice Pick!
1982 Photo Of Elvis Found – In FBI Files!
Steering Wheel From Noah’s Ark Found.
Corpse Found In Titanic Life Ring!
Lost Continent of Atlantis Found 1,200 Feet Below Antartica.
AIDS Virus Is On The Rise Among Nuns!
King Arthur’s sword Excalibur Found By Divers!
Time Travelers, Not Space Aliens, Are Abducting Human Beings!
Secret Prophecies Hidden In White House Vaults.
Pregnant Woman Hanged – Then Gives Birth At Then End Of The Rope!
Something Is Eating The Stars – And It’s Heading Towards Earth!
Ant Scares Farmer To Death!
Judge Rules Mistrial Because Man’s Name Is Rob Banks.
Fed-Up Japanese Man Attempts Suicide 97 Times.
Four People Vanish Without A Trace In Portable Toilet!
Man Cuts Off His Privates – To Prove He’s Not Cheaing On Him Wife!
Man Killed When Stripper Falls Off Table Into His Lap!
Bean Sprouts In Girl’s Ear.
Bigfoot Scalp Found!
Man Kidnapped By Aliens 1,325 Times.
Castro Moons Dinner Guests.
You Pet May Be Possessed.
Killer Elevator Claims 38th Victim.
Boy Shoots Grandpa Back To Life With Stun Gun.
NASCAR May Launch Geezer Circuit – For Drivers from 60-100!
Jimmy Hoffa Fled To Mexico – And Had A Sex-Change Operation!
Global Warning Is Killing Off Our Favorite Creatures.
World’s Birds Are Killing and Eating, Dogs, Cats – And Kids!
20 New Signs That Your Were Abducted By Space Aliens!
Help! I’ve Got A Bomb In My Nose!
I Amputated My Own Leg With A 5 – Inch Pocket Knife.
A Pterodactyl Tore My Arm Off.
Tot Vanishes As Psychic Mom Tries To Teleport Her To Japan!
Court May Give Texas Back To Mexico!
