I’m sure you all have often wondered as I do : “What exactly happened to the Rabid Goats after we left GCC?” I’m here to help answer your questions by providing the information you want. On this page you will find all your friends and what they are currently doing.
Matt Kilmer
After tiring quickly of work at Liberty Mutual Insurance, I quit. I hitchhiked around the U.S. for quite a while attempting to accomplish my dream of yelling Ricker in all 50 states. So far I have them all done except for Pennsylvania. This is kind of odd since that’s where I live, but what are you going to do? I am currently hoping to join a travelling circus and maybe become a carnie or something of that nature. I don’t know If this would work though due to my fear of clowns. I live in a small shack I built in the back yard. I’m pirating cable from my house and having a great time. You should all come visit me sometime.
Greg Sines
Greg went to work for a chemical company but eventually quit that to pursue his one great goal in life – having lots of sex with different chicks. He moved out to Las Vegas where he stars in porno movies by day and is a blackjack dealer by night. I hear that he is quite successful in both endeavors. He stars in such films as World’s Greatest Sex Machine and Mercer Boy does Las Vegas. I haven’t seen either at the video store, and I’m not sure I’d want to watch it if they did. He works at the Palace Casino at night. He tells me that he’s going to run a scam and bilk the casino out of lots of money. I hope everything goes great for him.
Brandon Hight
Brandon went back to Delaware where he promptly disappeared for about 5 months. He was later found walking along the side of the interstate. Half of his hair was shaved off and he was wearing a giant sign that said “Beep if you like Donuts.” After much therapy, he was able to tell me what had happened. As we always suspected, there was a great monkey conspiracy that was planning to overthrow the world. Brandon somehow was known to them as “The Great Human Who Can Ruin Us.” Therefore he was kidnapped, brainwashed, and tortured for 5 months. He now attends therapy 5 days a week. He can now not look at a monkey or even hear the word without curling up into the fetal position and crying. I wish you the best of luck in gettng over this B J
Jeremy Hasseman
As we all expected, Jeremy settled down right after college and married his love interest Courtney. They have already had 9 children, I know it’s hard to believe. He named them all after plants : Ivy, Heather, Cyprus, Marigold, Redwood, Pumpkin, and Hemlock. All the children are learning the ways of botany even though they are all only one year old. Jeremy has also become a multi-trillionaire by figuring out how to make common grass edible. He now manufactures “Hass Grass” in five great flavors : Chocolate, Cherry, Strawberry, Dirt, and Kiwi. He has plants all over the United States and is branching out into Belize and other countries. He still describes himself as a down home country guy. He lives in a giant farm/miniature rain forest in a remote corner of Boston. I never really talked to him, just his secretary. And I thought we were friends… Oh well.
Alan Willis
Alan went right to work back at Taco Bell right out of college. He now runs the one in Medina and has increased the profit margin 700%. He attributes it to the strippers and stripping pole that he has installed in the Taco Bell. “Sex sells”, he told me. I agree. I ate there every meal when I went to visit him. He has also developed the world’s worst computer virus, which he plans to release some time in the near future. The virus, simply entitled Altman, infects your computer and can never be removed. It makes the computer constantly say “Nipple” and “Haha.” It also will randomly appear at will and cause strange things to happen. I hope he never has the need to use this. He also has increased his movie collection tenfold. He has a giant movie room in his house. It was wall to wall movies. It was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. He also has a private bowling alley in his basement. If I ever move out of my shack, I’m moving in with him.
Justin Yoder
Yoder returned home to work as an Engineer. Due to the stupid people in this town he was able to get hired to build an “Escalator to God.” It’s really just a big escalator that goes no where with a sign at the top that says “God.” 398 people so far have plummeted to their deaths at the hands of this escalator. Also due to his work at Diebold, he is able to steal money from any Mac machine around. He has drained countless number of them in the tri state area. He is know as the Mac Machine Bandit. He has also become a Mormon and has 45 wifes in various states around the U.S. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”, he told me over a bowl of moose tracks ice cream. He has also had work as a stand in for Tom Green, and Noah Wyle on Er. He is quite the man out in Hollywood.
Tim Davies
Tim, or Shazam Al Barbados, as he now likes to be called, is pretty much the same guy he was in college. He still spends much of his time napping and watching movies. He also runs a very successful cult in his hometown of Montville, New Jersey. He and his disciples worship the coming of their new god, an aluminum ladder. While in the temple, the only clothes permitted are these aluminum ladders. I must admit they are quite comfortable. I had to wear one while visiting Tim in Jersey. He says he picked his new name because the prophet for the next millennia should have a better name then Tim. He says that the ladder will come and destroy all his enemies. He has them all listed on the sides of the temple. Ricker’s name was on there for some reason. As part of his cult, all the female members must bear children all named after people in the film industry. He has little Johnny Depp’s and Tim Burton’s everywhere. Tim has also moved in next to a Movie Theatre which he frequents all the time. He also seems to be known in every bar in town. He got extremely drunk and pinched his aluminum ladder in a delicate place while I was there. Ah Tim, don’t ever change.
Jon Ricker
Last but not least we have Ricker. His is the saddest tale of all. Ricker went off to LECOM to become a doctor. His dreams were crushed though when he was thrown out of college for failing his final exams. It seems he put down crotch for ever answer. He got 1 question right out of 100. He returned crestfallen to his house where he went back to the only life he ever knew, the hood. He worked his way up and eventually became the leader of the Dolphin gang. He was one of the most powerful gang members and was noticed by the Russian Mafia. He eventually left for New York and joined the mob. There he was known as the Crotchfather. It seems that Ricker had everything he ever needed, power, money, the ability to kill anyone he wanted. Yet Ricker still wanted more. He wanted the Dolphins to win the Superbowl. Ricker decided to bribe the other NFL teams or threaten them to allow the Dolphins to win. He was a powerful mobster so it should work, right? Wrong. Ricker was found dead in his New York apartment. He had been choked to death with a Miami Dolphins jersey and also had taken 13 shots in the crotch, in supposed tribute to Dan Marino. Jon Ricker 1978-2001. May you rest in peace.