What Do The Africans Want From Me?
Subject: your 1999 T reg �6500 [So far, so good: I was selling my old Alfa 156 for about this amount of money - a bargain really]
Good day, [again, very pleasant. Clearly a product of the Empire, though probably not on the colonists' side]
My name is mr JERRY i'm an auto dealer in scottland and some other african country [I started to get suspicious when his name was all in capitals but the "I" wasn't. Then along comes a misspelt "scottland" together with a reference to "some other African country" and my fears were confirmed. Now I know Scotland isn't exactly the most sophisticated place in the world, but to label it a Third World country is either over-zealous satire or the result of an unfortunate accident with an atlas] i do help my client to get the car of there choice from individual that are will to sell [verbs? possessive pronouns? Just mix 'em all up, and don't forget to leave a space before the next comma] , [excellent] do tell me the final offring price of the bike [what bike?] and the present contion of the car [no, you've completely lost me now], mean while my client do pay with a certified cashier check. [I really wouldn't accept your money if it was stuffed invitingly into the thong of a particularly busty young lady. Well, I say I wouldn't...]
do mail me back if this okay by you . [no]
i will be expecting your mail. [then you'll be disappointed]
thanks.... [pleasure]
Furthermore, I've had a previous e-mail claiming to be sent on behalf of some African ambassador called Mbali also asking after my old Alfa. Again I'd already got rid of it and so didn't respond, but, if I had, I probably would have asked why the fuck he'd want to buy a private sale, second-hand Alfa Romeo for an ambassador? I could be a bloodthirsty anarchist with a pronounced and murderous hatred of diplomatic envoys, for all he knew, and, even if I wasn't an, an Alfa Romeo is probably the last car I'd recommend to be in if he were ever being pursued by one (seeing as an Alfa is about as reliable as an elephant in a parachute display).
I wonder if there's a cult of eccentric (and hopefully non-violent) African Alfa Romeo collectors out there somewhere... If so, why have they got my e-mail address?