Personal

I woke up today feeling cold in bed. Nights have been cooler than usual. The December rains have been more thorough, a wetter month than the usual.

I turned to my lover, and told him that I wanted to hold him close to me. It was a beautiful time. We held each other, curling skin to skin as closely as we could, not talking, but communicating a oneness that was incredible, bliss on earth.

I did not want to let go, and we held on for the longest possible time. It is Sunday morning and not having to work, we both had all the time in the world to do this.

We are not perfect. Part of the reason we held on so much was the fact that we have been fighting. In part we were saying sorry, and also reveling and remembering how good it is to love and be loved back. It is an increadible feeling, fresh however long the relationship is. Long as he loves me, and I love him, it is something that will be new to savour.

That set me off on musing about the reactions to the Gay Marriage law in South Africa.

Gay Marriage in Africa?

GALZ (Gays and Lesbians of Zimbabwe) recently released a statement regarding the law. It was cleverly political. GALZ is thankful that the law was passed, but they also noted that the realisation of Gay Marriage in Zimbabwe is something of a dream that may not occur in our lifetime.

There seem to be other things which are more pressing. Like the decriminalisation of gay association, of us making love, and of us being us.

In Uganda, the state of 'Gay Pride' and gay organisation is realy nascent. We cannot claim to have been agitating for much more than being ourselves. Most of us are not sure of what we are. And many are so fearful of being known as gay that to them it is a miracle that some may want marriage.

We are young, we are fearful, we are victims of our fears- both internal and external. We are victims in part because we have not got to the point of thinking of ourselves as human.

Oh, it is true. Just the fear that the 'madness' of agitation to gay marriage would spread set off the gay marriage bans written in the constitutions of countries as diverse as Uganda, DRC and others. That is the state of fear of the homosexual in our countries, in Africa.

Yet we cannot run away from what we are. We are human beings. And as such, we crave companionship, love, understanding, personal relationships. We crave to hold another as beloved. We want to acknowledge that one is more special than many others.

Funny, it is like we graduate from the simple biologic necessity of sexual attraction and the fulfilment of sexual impulses to an acknowledgment of our very human-ness. I have done that. Once I accepted that I wanted to be what I am, then it was not hard to accept that the relationship that I had was special enough for me to want it to last a lifetime.

Many of my friends, Kuchus (Gay Ugandans) see it partly as a phase. They will have fun, but inevitably they may have to get married. Being Kuchu is not a permanent state of affairs. Many are married to women. Oh yes, they may be bisexual.

Why the fear of Gay Marriage?

I have browsed some 'homophobe' blogs. They seem to be obsessed with the impression that it just cannot be natural to have a same sex relationship. Its kind of funny; as a gay man who accepts myself, I have an appreciation of how much lack of comprehension of me there is in the commonly held myths. Once you start off from the 'fact' as they consider it that this is 'bad', then it just seems logical to assume so many things. And one of the things that they cannot dare to think is that a homosexual is a normal human being. That a homosexual has the same feelings that a non homosexual has.

According to them, a homosexual is not able to form a real relationship. The relationships cannot last. They cannot be good. Because we cannot have procreative sex then our sex is sinful.

My very experience of gay life is a total rejection of all these myths. They seem comical in their falsehood.

What is not comical is the fact that they are passionately believed.

Ultimately, the most important and crucial argument for gay marriage is the fact that we are human beings. I, as a Gay Ugandan, am as human as any other Ugandan.

Accept that premise, and it would be funny to want to restrict my happiness in relationship. My partner and I have to say 'I do' to seal our marriage. Why should it offend someone else that we do? Why should the majority make a law banning this simple fact of human acceptance?

As one famed teacher put it, 'The law was made for man, and not man for the law.' The ideal of marriage that is held as sacrosanct is something that is changeable. In the west, polygamous marriage is anathema. In Uganda, especially before the 'Be Faithful' crusades- (but even despite them), polygamy is the norm.

I cannot hold as evil my love for my partner. And he does love me.

Will we be able to wait till our country gets around to accepting us as human beings? We will not. Ours is a marriage, in everything but the blessing of society. To us it is something crucial, important. Otherwise we would not thumb our noses at the law and society so that we can be together: Closeted but together.

Here is to all the people in the world who love each other.

gug