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Gay Uganda's Blog Dealing with issues lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender and other sexual minorities in Uganda face. Counting Our Blessings 29/11/2006  A reader of this blog threw down a challenge to me. I, and other gay Ugandans, do have a lot to celebrate of our lives. He used my very words to challenge my seeming lack of insight. I am gay, I am in Uganda, I have lived like so for years. I have a healthy relationship. Me and my partner have been together for years. And we do not plan to lie down and cry because we are gay in a homophobic country. That indeed made me start think more about the blessings that I do have. I have to count them, and not just go on lamenting the fact of the hardness of life. Life is tough being gay and Ugandan. That is a given, because of the country and the society, and myriad other reasons. But that does not, and will not make me just lament. There are some great things about me being what I am, and being in this beautiful homophobic country. No, it is not San Francisco, gay capital of the world, nor is it gay Paris. But it is not Iran, nor is it Iraq. It is not marred in war at the moment, and there is enough rule of law for me to be sure that I can put up a robust defence for anyone trying to arrest me for what I do unresearvedly admit I am. One of the foremost blessings I do have to count is the fact that I am gay, and I know that I am. And this may be the most important. I assure you that realisation did not come out of the blue. It took years of fighting with myself and my socialisation. But I was succesful. I came to see me for what I am, and that in a very homophobic country. This is not easy at all, wherever there are people who are noticeably different from the public. Think of Pastor Tom Haggin in the USA. A man of 50 years, married with 5 children, zealously fighting the 'homosexual' agenda, and at the same time having sex with a gay hustler. Or whatever it was. Or think of Mark Folet, former Florida Congressman for the Republican Party. I would not like to be in any of their shoes, least of all those of the pastor. He is a man who has had the chance to grow up in the supposedly most free country in the world, and he is not confortable with his sexuality. And worst of all, he is going to allow some people to mess it up more because he does not understand it. I am realy blessed. I have grown up in this country, and I have managed to be comfortable with my sexuality. I also have found the partner of my life. And we rock! Finding a partner is not an easy thing. Oh yes, it just is not easy. We are gay. And we are men. I mean, the genes of promiscuity are somehow meshed in the male psych, and I was and am not an exception. But in Uganda, getting a partner who thinks like I do, in favor of a lifetime partnering, risking the family pressure and other problems to my family, that is something. And we are lucky that we have done that. Yet something strikes me about the condition of our community now. Years ago, when I first got tired of the party scene, I told the guys that I was going out with that I needed something more permanent. They laughed at me, literally. To them, it was inconceivable that a gay man in Uganda could dare have such dreams. But at the moment, people are actully paring off. We meet, we laugh, we know standing couples. We are celebrating anniversaries, and are in truth in the throes of forming a community. That is a huge blessing which we cannot forget. And the debate in this country has been fierce. I am not sure why this has been so. I mean, late 1999, the President lashed out against us, telling the police to imprison us. And then with the ordination of Robinson as Bishop and the schism of the Anglican communion, the Church of Uganda seemed to have been handed a lifeline. The gay bashing just became worse, and worse, and of course the likes of Sempa are having fun building political capital from gay bashing. Despite all these negatives, we have found ourselves growing more and more. About that time, I first had the idea of starting the website Gay Uganda. And of course Dr Tamale entered the fray with her open speaking. Bishop Senyonjo has taken a lot of the heat; but through it all, more and more people have had the courage to understand their sexuality. We question. We do not accept stupidities that there are no Gay Ugandans. We know we are, and when people think of us like pieces of shit, we come back with the evaluation that we are not. Like my lover says, he cannot accept that the Pope should be able to condemn him for what he does in his bed, afterall the man was also once in his mother's womb! It is more a case of being able to accept ourselves for what we are, and to reject what the other people say of us. Of course there is a long way to go. A lot of us a simply confused. We fight to put aside the condemnation of the church, society and community's ostracism, and it is a tough person who comes out of this whole. Many of us do fall by the side. But they are getting less! And there are the sheer advantages of being a gay Ugandan. It is like being a one eyed man, in a community of the blind. Ugandan society is woefully un-accepting of sexuality. The likes of Sempa should not be able to tell university students that masturbation is bad. And they accept that!! And he leads them on demonstrations against condoms. It is this kind of idea that sex is bad which keeps many as sexual babies. And I do un-ashamedly use that to hide. I mean, I am not ready to put the rainbow flag in my compound because Sempa will lead his fellowship on a demonstration- so that the newspapers say things like 'Ugandans protest against homosexuality'. But I will look the good pastor in the eye and laugh, thinking that of his audience as he preaches at 'Abstinence rallies', more than half do not, and will not abstain. Power to the hormones! They do not understand my attraction to another man, so they do not see me when I admire their clean lines, nor will they figure it out that hugging my love I am literally just restraining myself from kissing him in public! I will and we will continue hiding in plain view. There are many blessings to being gay, and Ugandan. I love appreciating male beauty. Walk along any of our slums and you will understand the difference between Kampala and say, the Hague. There are people on the street. And for sheer eye candy quality, I would not leave my impoverished country! Counting my blessings. Indeed that puts me in a good mood. Life is tough, being gay, and being Ugandan. Tougher with the two than without. But again, it is the beauty of life that a challenge makes it that much sweeter. Learning and accepting myself for what I am makes me so much more appreciative of my blessings. Indeed, Bujo, you were right. We should all count our blessings. gug 2006-11-29 08:52:16 GMT
Comments (2 total)
Author:Anonymous
Yes Gug, we should indeed count our blessings. I am firmly committed to the belief that our sexual orientation is a small part of the overall diversity of nature, and I am and always have been determined not to let prejudice by our homophobic brethren blight my enjoyment of life. My lover and I struggle. Our wallets do not burst at the seams. We are careful to ensure that we are considerate towards the sensibilities of our families, neighbours and friends. But we are happy. We are happy that we are able to live as the gay men that we were created to be. We do not seek adulation. My lover was making jokes about becoming the first openly gay MP in Uganda. No, that is not our object. Acceptance of openly homosexual people will come one day, but now is not the time. For now, let us rejoice in the fact that we have this website to openly express ourselvees. Let us rejoice that there is a thriving gay community, although there are many confident gay men and women who still believe that the gay community needs more refinement. We are moving forward, and in leaps and bounds. It is something to be joyful about.
2006-11-29 09:15:27 GMT
--Bunjo
Author:gug
You did get it right. We are, and the very fact that we are is something to rejoice in. The problems which are there are a part of life that, like other human beings, we will strive to have corrected. And that is the beauty of it. We can be happy, in spite of the many reasons we should not be. That we can be self fulfilling, despite the many negative things that may characterise our apparent disadvantages.
2006-11-29 11:53:27 GMT
gug
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