Real Cowboy

Author Unknown

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," the young woman said.

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian

Ten top gay jokes!

10. How many gay men does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in an Art Deco bulb, and two to shriek, "Fabulous!"

9. Why are gays more careful drivers than straights?
If they have an accident the newspaper will print their age

8. What do you call two Irish gay guys?
Ben Dover and Phil McAvity.

7. What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
They`re right! We do taste like chicken!

6. What do you call a milkman in high heels?
Dairy Queen.

5. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well-hung!

4. How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one...but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.

3. How do you make a fruit cordial?
Pat him on the bottom

2. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasoreass

1. How do you know when you`ve been burgled by a gay guy?
The furniture`s been rearranged and there`s a quiche in the oven.

You Know You're Gay When...

Author Unknown

1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.

2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.

3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.

4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.

5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.

6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.

7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.

8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.

9. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.

10. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer.

11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.

12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.

13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.

14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.

15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.

16. Your pets always have great names.

17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.

18. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.

19. You know how to get a waiter's attention.

20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.

21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.

22. You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.

23. You get to choose your family.

24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.

25. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.

26. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.

27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.

28. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.

29. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.

30. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

31. You know how to "air kiss".

32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.

33. You know how to dress strategically.

34. You know when to move out and move on.

35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.

36. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.

37. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.

38. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.

39. You know which wine to bring.

40. Sales clerks don't mess with you.

41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.

42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.

43. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.

44. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.

45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.

47. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

48. You have the latest International Male catalog.

49. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.

50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.