.Hey, I thought things were getting better but I was wrong. I just tried so hard to make myself feel better and now I feel worse. I went out with friends to Moxies last night and had a lot to drink. Then we went to the bar and I got into a fight with someone and called my sister to come and get me and take me home. I just can't stop crying, I don't even know why. I have never felt like this before over a guy, I just don't know why. I really thought this was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with, grow old with and experience life with and I thought he felt the same way. I thought we could work through anything or I was willing to work through anything, but I guess he was not. I wish I could stop dating these guys that are confused about what they want. I just feel like shutting down and it has already started, I don't know how to fix it, I want this horrible feeling to go away. I can't even look at anything of his or place's we used to go to, when I look at the Macs on 8th I start to cry. My friend Rachel lives like 2 blocks from him, I did not know this till last night. I have this class that is in the building where he works and I don't know how I am going to do it, I still have to go for 2 more weeks. My heart is broken into a million little pieces and I don't' know how to fix it. I am even thinking I might need a change, like a big one, I might more back to Toronto, I miss it. I loved OJ and I just don't understand. Shawn
