TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR BANK IS FAILING
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 1.  Free handful of Chee-tos with every new account
 2.  They hand out calendars one month at a time
 3.  The security guard offers to walk you back to your office for five
     bucks
 4.  You overhear branch manager muttering to himself, "I wonder if you
     can eat squirrel?"
 5.  Free giveaway toaster is made by G.E.
 6.  Automatic Teller machine replaced by fat guy with open carton of
     twenties
 7.  You glimpse inside the vault and notice it's stacked with empty
     soda bottles
 8.  When you deposit cash, a bank officer runs over, sticks it in his
     pocket, and dances around yelling, "Lordy, lordy!  We're having
     biscuits tonight!"
 9.  You recognize some of the tellers as carnival people
10. They can't change a twenty