| TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLY: Me! TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty? TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are. SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables! TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O! TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George! TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet. TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOSE: Don't bite any. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is... TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you? JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands! Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime." Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand." Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again? Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time. At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks."I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers." A kid with a few packages in his arms asked a passerby, "Will you open the gate for me?" The passerby said, "Of course, sonny." The kid replied," Thanks. The gate was just painted and I didn't want to get my hands messy." Ed: What time is it when Dracula goes to the dentist? John: I don't know. Ed: Tooth hurty(2:30) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love. Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! s your father ? Boy : As old as me Man : How can that be ? Boy : He became a father only when I was born. hai! Back to Main Homepage |