On another occasion, a couple of years ago, I was working in the kitchen of the San Diego ISKCON Community, with a somewhat newer devotee, who I felt was behaving quite nasty. We were washing pots together, and he was constantly criticizing my method. Rather than simply wash, what he felt was not sufficiently clean himself, he would just throw things back into the sink I was washing them in. He would then just stand there and do nothing while I washed them again, waiting to rinse them. It seemed to me, that he could have, easily re-washed them himself, with all the spare time he had, performing the less time consuming task of rinsing, like another nice devotee named, Bhakta Peter Prabhu, who I had worked with previously had done. After this went on for a considerable length of time, I took the plastic lid of a bucket that he had just thrown back into the sink and tossed it over to the other set of sinks, located several feet behind where we were working, in this way indicating what I thought he should do with it. The plastic lid did not come anywhere near him. At that time, there were some utensils hanging above the sink I threw the lid to, and somehow or other, I managed to accidentally knock them down with it. This made a bit of a loud racket and he became extremely upset. I felt bad because I thought that maybe my behavior was a little too harsh for such a relatively newer member of the movement, so I apologized for making him so upset. After Badrinarayana Prabhu (Robert Morrill) heard about this incident, he angrily accused me of "throwing a pot lid at a devotee." Considering this a grave offense and taking what little he really knows about my history into consideration (including some other lies he had heard about silly little things that have happened, which are way too miniscule to even mention), one night, not too long after this, he decided to engage two male devotees (Ganesha Prabhu and another, I've never learned the name of) in the task of informing me that I could no longer come to the temple for any reason, other than to attend the weekly, Sunday Feast Program. A little over a year later, while visiting some of our other temples, a devotee at the ISKCON Center in Chicago, Illinois, named Jitendriya Prabhu, informed me that Badrinarayana Prabhu (Robert Morrill), had e-mailed all the Temple Presidents of all our temples in North America, claiming, that I had thrown a pot lid at a devotee. During one of the Sunday Feast Programs I attended at the San Diego ISKCON Hare Krsna Temple, it was decided by Gunagrahi Maharaja, that I would, no longer be allowed to speak, and that, if I did dare to speak to anyone while attending the dinner program, I would no longer be allowed to even attend the Sunday Feast Function. Can you imagine what a humiliating experience it was, having to often, find myself being forced to inform my peers (some of whom, having been my friends for a very long time), and on numerous occasions, various different guests as well, that I was not allowed to speak. This went on for over a year, before I finally built up enough nerve to ultimately commit the crime of saying something.

According to an instruction found in practically, innumerable places throughout our scriptures, everyone should loudly chant and glorify the names of God. Srila Prabhupada even went so far as to instruct that during kirtanas (the congregational glorification of God, accompanied by musical instruments like drums and karatals (hand cymbals), everybody should sing as loudly as they can, and this is, exactly, what I was doing at the last San Diego ISKCON Hare Krsna Temple function I was allowed to attend. While singing loudly at this festival, called the Rathyatra Festival or the Festival of the Chariots, which took place in Balboa Park last year, Dharma-Setu Prabhu (David Bridges), the current Temple President of the San Diego ISKCON Hare Krsna Community, instructed me to tone it down, by lowering the volume of my singing. Throughout the years, many devotees, including, even Badrinarayana Prabhu (Robert Morrill), have praised my ability to sing very melodiously, so I informed Dharma-Setu Prabhu (David Bridges) that because Srila Prabhupada has instructed his followers to "chant as loudly as we can," I felt obliged to refuse, to disobey him. From that point on, I have never been allowed to attend any function of the San Diego ISKCON Hare Krsna Temple, either inside or outside of the community. Since then, I have been informed by Nirantara Prabhu (Nicholas Diangelo), the Vice-President of the ISKCON Hare Krsna Temple in Los Angeles, that Badrinarayana Prabhu (Robert Morrill), has issued, via e-mail, what he called, an "all points bulletin," in order to warn everybody in all of our ISKCON Hare Krsna Temples, throughout North America, to be on alert and watch out for me.

As explained previously, the spiritual master, who is a bona fide representative of God, has made it perfectly clear, that we must not leave this movement, nor, is it my desire to leave. Whatever problems we are having can obviously be corrected, but because of all the negative propaganda I've herein been referring to, being spread around, wherever I go, police are called, and/or I am violently attacked.

I therefore request the assistance of the court to help me in whatever way is feasible, to resolve the differences we are having, rather than issuing the order that the plaintiffs are requesting, which will obviously not solve the problem at all, but at best, would only serve to relocate, and quite possibly, postpone the ongoing attempt to correct them.

As you notice, in the complaints submitted by the plaintiffs, they often accuse me of being crazy. If this is so, as stated by a great saint, named Jada Bharata, when accused of the same thing, "What good would it do to beat a dead horse," or, in other words, in the case of my situation, as well as that of many others in our movement, who they, also, claim to consider crazy, continue the bannings, beatings, unlawful arrests, threats, abuses, etc., what to speak of, amongst other things, all their neglect. I recommend, that in the case of all those truly suffering from insanity, or, for that matter, any type of mental illness, they at least consider, following Srila Prabhupada's instructions (regarding this matter), as a possible alternative. On February 18, 1972, Srila Prabhupada wrote a letter to a disciple of his, named Upendra Dasa. In that letter, he wrote, "Psychiatrists are humbug, all humbug. They cannot help. The best thing is to be continuously, engaged in hearing and chanting (the names of God, and about His glories and pastimes), sankirtana. That can cure any mental disease." He also wrote in his purport (explanation) of a verse in the scripture called Srimad-Bhagavatam, that, "Even a mentally deranged man can be cured by treatment of transcendental sound." [Srimad Bhagavatam, Canto 2, Ch. 1 TEXT 17 PURPORT] Now, in another one of his purports (explanations) of a verse in the Srimad-Bhagavatam, Srila Prabhupada wrote, "Ghosts attack men who are impure and their attack is spoken of as insanity." [Srimad-Bhagavatam, Canto 3, Ch. 20 TEXT 41 PURPORT] However, in one of his purports to a verse in the scripture called the Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, he wrote, that, "when a devotee appears to be ghostly haunted, this is a symptom of a very elevated state." As, emphatically mentioned previously, I am not, in any way, shape or form, claiming that my experiences are nearly as intense as that of those mentioned in sastras (scriptures) like the Srimad-Bhagavatam or the Sri Caitanya-caritamrta. Quite to the contrary, the unusual experiences I have had, which I've, herein, been referring to (although, in contrast to what we are usually accustomed to seeing nowadays, especially in the west) are admittedly out of the ordinary, they would have to, undeniably, be considered extremely insignificant compared to them. For example: One Saturday, back in 1991, while visiting the ISKCON Hare Krsna Community in Los Angeles, I had been feeling very morose and neglected by most of my peers in the movement all that day, and had lethargically passed the time, by, pretty much, just sitting on a wall, located in front of the temple, pouting, until early that evening, when I was invited by some of the other members to join them in the performance of Harinama Sankirtana (the congregational glorification of the Lord's holy names in public, with the accompaniment of musical instruments, like drums and karatals (hand cymbals). Initially, I declined, but they persuaded me by saying, in shock and amazement, "What do you mean? This is your favorite program." Somehow or other, I reluctantly dragged myself to the van, but was still feeling quite depressed all the way to Westwood, right up until the time we got out of the vehicle and started singing. At that time, I literally watched in amazement, as my legs, apparently started, actually, moving on their own, in a way which I had never seen them move before. It was unbelievably ecstatic. My mood drastically changed immediately. All of a sudden, I felt spiritually surcharged, and I swear, I experienced the presence of Lord Caitanya (God) within my body, which danced like it had never done before. I stayed up that whole night and spent every minute of it, deeply absorbed in prayer. Needless to say, I didn't go home all that night. I must say, that I felt quite content, spending that particular night in the comfortable confines of the Los Angeles ISKCON Hare Krsna Community.

Once, on another occasion in 1991, while relaxing in front of one of the apartment complexes, located in the Los Angeles ISKCON Hare Krsna Community, I was watching a devotee, named Bhakta Peter Prabhu, who, while dressed up, just like Krsna for a play he was performing in, was walking around the community, talking with some of the other local members. The costume looked so realistic, that I just couldn't stop laughing uncontrollably at the thought of, what for all practical purposes, appeared so much like Lord Sri Krsna Himself, simply, nonchalantly roaming about the community, casually conversing with anybody and everybody, that you just had to laugh. What can I say? Of course, after having several of these, unusual experiences, some said that I was a prakrta sahajiya (materialistic person or neophyte in spiritual development, who imitates the ecstatic experiences of elevated transcendentalists (who are actually very advanced devotees), or, in other words, someone who takes the genuine experiences of spiritual ecstasy, very cheaply, and simply pretends to be spiritually advanced, by putting on a show, meant to cause the general mass of people to think that they are much more advanced than they really are), while many of the others, simply maintained the contention, that I was just completely crazy. In this connection, I would like to present a letter to you for your examination and scrutiny, written by Harikesa Prabhu, who, just a matter of months prior to writing this letter, was considered, not only a spiritual master in our movement, named Harikesa Maharaja, otherwise known as Srila Visnupada, but also, at that time, was none other than, the Chairman of the ISKCON GBC (Governing Body Commission), which is the ultimate managing authority of the International Society for Krsna Consciousness, but, of course, is not at all, superior in authority, or, in any way, above the position of ISKCON's founder acarya (spiritual master, who teaches by his own example), His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, Srila Prabhupada:

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