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The Window to Scott's Soul
(Yes, it's back!) |
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| Tuesday, November 12, 2002 |
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Ladies and gentlemen of the free world, I come to you tonight not as the mayor of National City, but as an ordinary man whose First Amendment rights were pulled out from beneath him. That's right; the LP administration is filing a lawsuit against myself. After repeatedly having sex with the prosecutors (to no avail), it became increasingly apparent that censorship was needed, to an extent. I already have the 'rents bitching about the cruise files, and Panagetorias, or however the Hell you spell that Greek's name, is pursuing me and screaming "Bad journalism!" What have I done to deserve this? I've served three consecutive terms, and my approval rating is at an all-time high. I give the people what they want to hear; me, myself, and more of myself. I believe I explicitly stated that I was above the law, but the administration dares to challenge me. Ironic that one month after my censorship article was released, that my own website was censored.
On related news, the protest at the Cross Iron Building was a complete and utter failure, seeing as how it should have been located at Lake Park. Perhaps my followers should stop smoking crack and start using reason instead of stalking me.
On a serious note, bitches. Ever since this whole scandal has arisen, I've had at least three women share my bed every night (and for the record, they paid ME those times.)
Ladies and gentlemen, the quaint, southern California city is in peril. National City is a city for the people, but the LP administration looks down upon it. "Bad journalism."...? I say, "F*$% off, Lake Park administration." I have to deal with this budget crisis by 9 P.M. sharp, so I have to run. Catch y'all on the flip side. |
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| Wednesday, November 13, 2002 |
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Bitchin! It turns out this whole censorship issue is actually working for me, not against me. Since the 12th, I've had 47 girls throw themselves at my feet, as opposed to the normal 23. That's a cool 104% increase in the chick-watch. Kinky!
On other news, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals is investigating the case-at-hand. This is excellent news for myself, seeing as how I have a perfect record at that particular court. (See: The People of National City v. Ryan Malcolm and The people of National City v. Collins and Priestley). The judge was reported saying "The Mayor's quite a man. He gives me great pleasure in the bedroom. Enough about the Mayor now, when do we start the interview?"
Stay posted. |
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| Monday, November 18, 2002 |
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Bitches, beware: I'm on the prowl. I must find a girl so I can make mini-mayors, and have those mini-mayors create and manage their own cities to rule as they please. Those mini-mayors will change the world by generating low-cost urban sprawls with a Hawaiian shirt dealer on every corner, a Rand McNally every other building, a Portillo's every half-mile, and create commerce with the mass production of Leis. There will be ketchup aplenty, and the mini-mayors will house such low-ended peoples as Collins right next to the airport or the landfill, and higher-respected peoples (such as available chicks) lakeside. I predict that, by the year 2020, the government will change the name "The United States" to "The BigDog Confederation" and all of America will be calling Pepsi "Crapsi." It's time for a change, BigDog-style.
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| We love hearing about the intricacies of Scott. I must divulge myself further by returning to the front page. |
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