The first part of my fanfic series. They will, for the most part, all be one-shots with one or two exceptions. All songs belong to Savage Garden, not me.
A Thousand Words.
By Dai-onna
Yugi waited until he was certain the other was asleep before pulling himself from the narrow bed, wincing as he did, but ignoring the pain as he looked over at the blonde to make sure he hadn't noticed before stumbling to the bathroom, picking up his clothes as he went. It wasn't until he had the door closed and locked that he let a small sob rise in his throat as he closed his eyes to fight a wave of tears.
You'd think he'd be used to this by now, having spent so many nights in similar fashion, but the pain, both physical and emotional still got to him. Biting his lip, he staggered over to the shower, turning on the water to high heat, waiting for it to get warm, and looked over at the cracked, dingy mirror on the wall, seeing his shattered reflection.
That was how he felt; broken into a million pieces that splintered into his very being, threatening to destroy everything that he was. That was how it had been since he and Jou had gotten physically involved, though he had tried to deny it for so long.
We stumble in a
tangled web
decaying friendships,
almost dead
and hide behind a mask of lies
It had started out innocent enough. A few chaste kisses, then some not so chaste ones. The kisses turned into groping and fondling which soon turned into full blown sex. At first he was elated by it, thinking that he'd finally found someone to be with, though his other self had definitely had some objections to it. Looking back, he should have listened.
It had become plain to see after the first few weeks that, what he and his so-called best friend shared was not to leave the bedroom, or the living room, or even the bathroom depending on where the blonde suddenly felt the need to be inside of him. It hadn't been so bad at first, and despite the pain, the sex hadn't been hard to bear. But it had hurt to keep something that was such a big thing to him secret from his friends. At first he had thought his friend was simply nervous about how the others would react, but it was easy to see now that he just didn't want anyone to know. It was just a dirty little secret to keep to him, like the dirty magazines beneath his 'lover's' bed.
With a slight shake of his head he turned his gaze away from the mirror and dragged himself into the shower, stepping under the heated spray and relishing the feel of the water on his sore muscles. He let his eyes fall shut as the water washed away the remnants of that night's coupling from his bruised thighs, letting it swirl down the drain to disappear; forgotten. He refused to refer to what he and Jou did as lovemaking. He might have been slightly jaded when it came to relationships lately, but he still believed that when it was right, when it was really making love, it was better than the dirty, sweaty exertions that he was regularly subjected to. If nothing else, he refused to let go of that belief.
When he finally forced himself to move, he reached for a washcloth and a small, diminished bar of soap, lathering the cloth up before beginning to scrub at his skin, washing away the sweat and grime that still clung to him, wanting to rid his body of the acrid smell of sex.
We twist and turn
and we avoid
all hope is salvaged,
now devoid
I see the truth inside your eyes.
He hated that his friend continued to use him this way, gain his pleasure from him, then cast him aside like he had never even been there. What hurt the most was when, during the day, he would see his blonde 'friend' flirting with others at school, guy and girl alike. Sometimes almost blatantly in front of him. He often wondered why he continued to put up with it, but in truth, he knew it was simply because he didn't want to be alone again. Jou wanting his body was still better than no one wanting him at all, right?
He knew it was ridiculous to think that way, his other self reinforcing that fact, but he couldn't help it. He had been alone for so much of his life, and he hated the feeling. But he was beginning to wonder if he didn't hate this even more. The hollow ache that continued to build inside of him as he waited for the day when something better would come along and Jou would simply cast him aside without a second thought. It broke him inside to imagine it.
Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he looked down at his arm in detached surprise, seeing that he'd scrubbed the skin beyond raw and that small patches of it had even begun to bleed, the entire area stinging from the soap. And yet he couldn't stop scrubbing. He wanted it gone. He wanted to rid himself of the evidence of sex, wanted the feel of the other's hands on him, touching him everywhere to be stripped from his mind. He wanted to forget it all , go back to the days when everything was fine, where he and Jou were inseparable friends, naively believing that the blonde could never hurt him.
Oh, how wrong he had been.
It wasn't until a strangled sob escaped his lips that he realized that he had been crying, the salty tears streaming down his cheeks in rivers, blending with the water that bombarded his tender skin. He dropped the washcloth to the floor, falling to his knees as he wrapped his arms around himself, sobbing hard, the sounds drowned out by the pounding of the shower against the porcelain of the tub. In the back of his mind he could hear his other half speaking to him, trying to comfort him in any way, but his words, his comfort, were blocked out by the overwhelming wave of despair that came over him when he realized that, despite everything, he was still completely alone; would probably never be anything more than a simple sex toy to one who was suppose to stick beside of him above all else. Had he not been choking on his tears, he would have laughed at the irony.
take all this noise to
your brain
send it back again
I'll bear the cross,
shed my skin
call you up and then...
Almost as if drawn to it, his eyes fell on a razor in the soap dish, staring at it detachedly for a while before on shaky hand reached for it, picking it up. In the back of his mind, he could hear his other self screaming out, trying to take control of his body, but he didn't let him. He didn't want his other to feel what he was feeling right now, in his body and his mind. Didn't want this dark half to see just how tainted his soul had become.
He stared at the blade in his hand, mulling over the thought of simply ending it. His life had been almost unbearable lately. He couldn't even remember the last time he had smiled, laughed, without it having been forced. It was so painful sometimes. He just wanted to curl up in his bed some days and sob, letting the world pass him by.
He ran his finger of the edge of the blade, his face blank as his thoughts continued to whirl, the water of the shower, which had long since turned cold, continuing to rain down on him, going unnoticed as the water streamed down his body.
His finger rubbed against the blade wrong and he flinched, dropping the blade to the floor, and stared down at his finger which had been neatly sliced, the blood mixing with the water as it fell to the floor.
He stared down at the blade in shock, as if he'd never seen it before, and took a step back, it finally hitting him what he'd been considering. He felt like he might faint at any moment. He couldn't kill himself. That was just... just.... He just couldn't. No matter how bad his life got, that was no reason to end it. Besides, all this pain he felt; the sorrow and loneliness, it was his own doing. If he wanted things to get better, he knew what did have to end, though.
He looked over at the door that led from the bathroom to the bedroom and sighed. He should have ended this a long time ago. But, despite the emptiness of it, it had been good to feel wanted, at least for a little while. Wiping the silent tears from his cheeks, he reached out to turn off the shower, putting the razor back on the soap dish with a much more steady hand, and got out of the shower.
He wrapped a dingy towel around his waist and looked back into the cracked mirror, a much more determined glint to his eyes. He dried off and pulled his clothes back on, determined to get out of this apartment. Possibly for good. He wouldn't do this anymore, that was for sure. It would only end up destroying him. He still couldn't believe what he'd been about to do. If nothing else, he had to protect himself, for his other self's sake. If anything happened him, his dark half would die as well and that was something he simply couldn't allow. His aibou was an innocent in this, had stood beside him, trying to offer comfort and protect him. How could he possibly act so selfish in the face of that?
He couldn't, and more importantly, he wouldn't.
With a determined nod, he slunk out of the bathroom, relieved to see the blonde still fast asleep in the bed, and crept across the room silently, wincing whenever the floorboards creaked beneath his feet. Nevertheless, the other never awoke and he was soon out of the small, alcohol scented apartment, breathing in relatively fresh out as he let out the breath he had been holding.
With a soft sigh to himself, he downstairs and out of the building, shivering as he stepped into the cool night air. A glance at his watch told him that it wasn't that late. Just a little before ten. He had told his grandfather that he was spending the night at Jounouchi's. He would have to think of a reason why he would be coming home so early. He shrugged lightly at that, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked down the empty street.
At least, he had thought it was empty.
You can resurrect a thousand words
to deceive me, more and more
A thousand words will give the reason why
"Finally ditched the puppy, did you?" Came a rich, smooth voice from behind him and he turned to see none other than Seto Kaiba standing behind him, looking immaculate as always, an amused glint to his deep, azure eyes. "It's about time."
Yugi blinked at that, startled, and turned to face the much taller duelist, craning his neck to look up at him as the brunette stepped closer.
"How did you...?" He trailed off, looking at the young billionaire in shock. He didn't think that anyone knew about his relationship with Jou. Did this mean that the others had figured it out as well?
He didn't think so, but....
The brunette smirked at him lightly, shrugging just a bit.
"It wasn't hard to see. Makes me wonder what your friends have been looking at." He drawled, taking another step closer to Yugi.
"Also makes me wonder what you were thinking getting involved with him to begin with."
Yugi blinked at that, then ducked his head in embarrassment and shame, looking intently at the concrete beneath them.
"It wasn't so bad, at first." He murmured softly, repeating the words that he had constantly used to comfort himself when he had wondered the exact same thing.
Not looking up at the billionaire, he didn't see him scowl at that, or take a step closer. It wasn't until he felt a large hand on his shoulder that he looked up at his older classmate, his eyes wary and confused.
"You can do a lot better than that mutt, Yugi." He said firmly. "So just forget about him. He wasn't worth your time."
Yugi blinked at the intense words, staring up at his formidable rival in surprise. Of all the people he had expected such comfort from, Kaiba hadn't been one of them.
He offered the other a small smile, and a nod, hearing his other self's affirmation in his mind.
"Un. Mou hitotsu no boku says that even you look pretty good compared to Jounouchi-kun." He murmured, a small glimmer of amusement in his dimmed eyes.
The young billionaire laughed at that, gracing Yugi with a dazzling smile that left the smaller boy slightly lightheaded.
"You can tell him that he looks pretty good all the time." He purred.
Yugi's eyes widened, but he couldn't help laughing at the embarrassment and pleased surprise coming from his other self a the comment.
"But then again, so do you."
Yugi froze, blinking up at the taller boy in surprise as a light flush filled his cheeks. He swallowed around the lump that suddenly formed in his throat and licked at his dry lips.
"A-are you flirting with me, Kaiba-kun?" He asked quietly, not sure what he wanted the other's answer to be.
Time manipulates your heart
preconceptions torn apart
begin to doubt my state of mind
His heart started to beat a little more rapidly when the brunette chuckled softly, taking another step closer to him, so that barely a foot separated them.
"That was my intention, yes. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not too good at it. I haven't had much practice." He murmured smoothly, the rich sound of his voice causing a flush to rise in Yugi's cheek as he gave the older boy a flushed smile.
"You seem better at it than I do." He offered, earning him another one of those heart-stopping smiles.
A small, comfortable silence fell between them before the brunette placed a friendly hand on top of his hair, tilting his head up to meet his intense gaze.
"It's getting pretty late." He murmured, his voice low and sensual, something Yugi couldn't miss. "You shouldn't be out by yourself. Why don't you let me walk you home." He offered, causing Yugi to smile softly.
He couldn't think of a single reason why he should say no, and, more importantly, he didn't want to. So he nodded, letting the older boy lead him down the street.
Yugi was surprised at how easy it was to talk with Kaiba as they walked, falling into one comfortable conversation after the other, by some unspoken agreement avoiding any talk about Jou. It was as if Kaiba had been his friend as long as any of the others and it had him smiling, a real smile, and laughing softly whenever the other said something particularly amusing. All too soon, he found himself back at the game shop, but he didn't want this new companionship to end. He hadn't felt so at ease in a long time and he didn't want to give it up just yet. After only a moment's hesitation, he invited the brunette in, an offer the young billionaire readily accepted. They stayed downstairs, neither wanting to wake Yugi's grandfather and have to explain the admittedly suspicious scene.
I won't retract convictions read
I made the pledge but I'm not blind
They sat down in the living room, continuing their conversations, ranging anywhere from dueling, to the finals that they had coming up in a few weeks, and even to Kaiba's work load at his company. Yugi was surprised at how much responsibility that the older team seemed to bear, and found a deep respect growing for him. The brunette boy seemed to have everything under control in his life. Yugi envied how calm and confident he was when it came to their school work. It was no secret that Kaiba was a genius. But he couldn't help thinking that it must be nice to have that kind of confidence, in anything.
He was startled when the other boy offered to help him study for their upcoming finals. He accepted quickly. He had been planning to study with Jounouchi, but knowing him, the blonde would have turned it into a make out session, followed by heated sex, and they would have gotten no work done at all. Maybe with Kaiba helping him study, he might do okay.
Much to his dismay, and his other half's amusement, he couldn't help but imagine a study session with Kaiba turning into making out and heavy petting and he was forced to turn his attention from the brunette a moment, his face turning a bright red. This seemed to amuse the young billionaire to no end and he chuckled richly.
"I don't know what you're thinking about, Yugi, but it must be much more interesting than the English essay we have due tomorrow." He drawled, causing the smaller boy's face to turn an even deeper shade of crimson.
Despite the teasing, Yugi had to find himself smiling at that. The easy way that the other said it, not like he was making fun of him, lightened his uneasiness and he nodded slightly, looking up at the slightly intimidating teen through his bangs.
"Aa. I was just wondering how studying with you would be different from studying with.. Jounouchi-kun." He murmured, his gaze falling slightly at that. Beside him on the couch, Kaiba frowned lightly, his eyes darkening just a little bit in the dim lighting of the room.
"I meant what I said, Yugi. You can do a lot better than that mongrel." He said fiercely, causing Yugi to look up in surprise. The brunette reached out, brushing his fingers lightly over his cheek, making Yugi flush all the more. He didn't quite understand why Kaiba was acting this way with him. The flirting had been one thing, but now this...
"I like to think that I would fall into the category of better." Kaiba added, causing Yugi's eyes to widen almost painfully.
So take all this noise to your brain
send it back again
I'll bear the cross, shed my skin
call you up and then
Yugi stammered lightly, not really knowing what to say. What could he say to something like that? Back in his mind, he could tell that his other half was just as startled, and he could only flounder for what to say. Apparently, the brunette took that as an opportunity to make his move, and leaned in, capturing Yugi's lips with his own. He was responding to the kiss before he even realized what was happening and found himself moaning softly when the other's tongue slipped past his lips taste him. He could feel the shiver that ran through both of them when their tongue brushed against one another, twining together, and it was all that Yugi could do to pull away from the enticing lip lock, no matter how much he didn't want to.
Panting softly, he placed a hand over his rampantly beating heart, desperately willing it to calm down before it burst from his chest.
The older brunette was staring at him hungrily, his darkened eyes glittering with intent. The look had Yugi's breath catching in his throat and he lowered his head slightly, swallowing around the desire that was pooling in his gut.
"G-gomen, Kaiba-kun... It's not that I don't like you." He murmured, more than a little breathless. "But it's just a little too soon." He looked up at the other teen, licking at his lips slightly, afraid that the older teen would be angry with him.
I'll say the words out loud
Much to his surprise and delight, Kaiba nodded slightly in understanding, obviously trying to get his own emotion under some sort of control, though that hungry look didn't leave his eyes.
"I understand." He breathed out, his voice low and husky, the sound sending shivers through his body. "But will you give it some thought?"
Yugi smiled at that, nodding.
"Of course."
After a moment of silence, the thick tension between them began to dissipate. Yugi finally stood up, yawning softly. Taking the hint, Kaiba chuckled softly and stood up as well.
"It's getting late. I should get home." He said amiably, running a hand through his wild, multicolored hair. Yugi's smile widened at that, though it was slightly flustered.
"Aa. Thank you for seeing me home, Kaiba-kun." he murmured softly as he led the other to the front door. The brunette gave him a small smile, running a hand over his cheek.
"It was my pleasure."
Yugi smiled at that and leaned up, pressing a small kiss to the corner of the other's mouth, flushing softly.
"Good night."
"Good night Yugi."
With another exchange of smiles, the older boy left, and Yugi retreated back
into the house, smiling slightly to himself as he went upstairs.
You can resurrect a
thousand words to deceive me
more and more
a thousand words will
give the reason why
I don't need you,
anymore.
He was more than a little perplexed at all that had happened that night, but oddly content with it. Maybe with time and possibly a new, better, relationship, things could be right again. It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be fast, but it gave him something to look forward to.
That was something he didn't have before.
~~Owari~~