FELGER’S FURNISHED FARMHOUSE
Jackdoll eyed the gaping
rent in the wall of the cardboard box he and Dannydoll shared.
He was right in the middle
of getting down and very dirty with his dolly archaeologist when his little
highly polished booted feet went straight through the soft and worn cardboard.
“I guess it was just one
thrust too many, Dannydoll,” the colonel commented wryly.
“Ya think?” Dannydoll
replied, aping his athletic and highly sexed loverdoll. Scraping the UHU adhesive putty from his
slim and firm dolly buttocks, he wished his loverdoll would clean up after
himself. He also wondered if there
might be a way of keeping the putty from softening with the effects of vigorous
and heated friction.
As Jackdoll poked at the
flapping, reinforced corrugated paper, his strategic mind was thinking. He took a good look at their box and the one
Sammiedoll and Teal’cdoll used. Both
had seen better days. Sammiedoll had
attempted to keep hers standing by the judicial use of sticky adhesive tape,
but even that was drying and curling in the heat of Jay Felger’s apartment.
“You know what?” Jackdoll
proclaimed, “We need an improvement in our living environment. Felgerdoll?
Get your incredibly small and anally retentive butt over here!”
“It’s not my fault,”
Felgerdoll whined before he even knew what his fault was.
“Tell Felger we need
somewhere better to live.”
“What?”
Jackdoll rolled his tiny
googly brown eyes. “We need a house, a
home, lodgings, a billet, accommodations, a residence, dwelling, abode, barracks,
a domicile, habitat, an address, quarters, A SEAT for cryin’ out loud!”
Leaning close, Dannydoll
whispered, “You should stop reading that thesaurus, Jackdoll.”
“But you love my wordpower
don’tcha?” Jackdoll growled suggestively.
“Well, yes,” Dannydoll
conceded. He did indeed love Jackdoll’s
wordpower, especially all the adjectives, verbs and nouns he provocatively
uttered, gasped, growled, puffed, moaned and panted when he used his UHU
adhesive putty dollydick.
-o-
The next evening, Felger placed
the shoebox very carefully on the floor and lifted the lid.
“Okay, guys, you have two
hours to choose your house, furniture and anything else you want. Just remember, The Doll House Emporium is
closed so you have free run of the store, but you can only choose one
house. I don’t have space in my
apartment for more.”
-o-
After Felger left, the
SG1dolls surveyed the shelves. The
place was stocked to the gunnels with absolutely everything a discerning doll
could dream of.
“Maybe we should choose the
house first, then we’ll know what kind of furniture to go for,” Dannydoll
suggested.
Everyone nodded their ball
and socket articulated heads. “But
first we should split up,” Jackdoll ordered, wanting to go house hunting alone
with Dannydoll. “Sammiedoll and
Teal’cdoll, head for the accessories.
Dannydoll, you’re with me.”
Sammiedoll and Teal’cdoll
perused the large number of neatly packaged cellophane bags of
accessories. There was everything for a
kitchen, from rolling pins and ovens to pies dishes and saucepans. The bathroom suites had shower cubicles,
washbasins, and even teeny weenie soap dishes.
As they studied hundreds of miniature goodies, Sammiedoll spotted something,
and gasping, grabbed Teal’cdoll’s arm.
“Oh my Goddoll, look at
that!” she breathed.
Teal’cdoll’s gaze followed
his large-boobed girlie partner’s googly eyes, and he too gasped. The Jaffadoll and Dollytech were looking at
a small nondescript box bearing a handwritten note stuck to the side. It said,
Sale - Discontinued Rubber Babies.
“Awwwww.” Sammiedoll let out a latent maternal sigh
and looked at her muscle-moulded warriordoll.
“Teal’cdoll? Do you think it
might be possible to…” She stopped
talking and glanced nervously at her commanding officerdoll.
“What is it, Sammiedoll?”
Jackdoll asked, having overheard her half asked, or was that half assed
question.
“I was just wondering, sir,
if I…well if we could…I mean…”
“Spit it out, Sammiedoll,”
Jackdoll demanded.
“I think Sammiedoll means
could she and I adopt a few discontinued rubber babies, O’Neilldoll,”
Teal’cdoll explained.
“Well, I don’t see why not,
as long as you have dolly childcare organised when we go on missions.”
Squeezing Teal’cdoll’s
massive silicone forearms, Sammiedoll peered into the box to select her rubber
babies. Within seconds she’d gathered
them all, how could she leave any behind?
“That’s the fastest
conception and labour anywhere in the universe,” Jackdoll muttered as he and
Dannydoll made their way towards the dollhouses.
“Look, Jackdoll,” whispered
Dannydoll, “It’s the Sound of Music singing nun.”
Up on a shelf, Jackdoll
could see a black and white habited dolly nun.
She even sported a miniature crucifix.
Beside her was a dolly coffin.
Grimacing, Jackdoll shuddered, and then wondered if her name was Holy
Hannah.
“At least it’s empty,”
Dannydoll smiled.
“Dead right, there,”
Jackdoll quipped darkly.
They passed a mailman,
fishmonger, fruit seller, police officer, butcher, coalman, chimney sweep, and
chef, a girl with a mobile phone and a boy with a computer. There were nurses, doctors, brides and
priests, housemaids, teachers and nannies.
“Are you thinking what I’m
thinking?” the dolly colonel asked slowly.
“You mean about establishing
fourteen SG teams to acquire technology and weapons with which to fight the
Goa’uld?”
“Nah, I was thinking we’ll
need an army of staff for the very large house we’re gonna make Felger buy for
us.”
“An army is unnecessary,
O’Neilldoll,” Teal’cdoll interjected, “A three piece servant set will suffice.”
Rolling his googly eyes,
Danieldoll grabbed Jackdoll’s U-shaped grip and hauled him towards the avenue
of dollhouses.
“Hmmmm, which one?”
Dannydoll thought aloud.
“Well not this one,”
Jackdoll said disdainfully.
The dolls were standing
outside a Tudor style house, and all Jackdoll could think of, was not wanting
to hang his butt out of a top window to take a crap or a piss as peopledolls
did during Tudor times.
“What about this one?
“The Georgian mansion? Too much like Lady Penelope’s.”
“Okaaay, this one?”
Dannydoll asked with just a hint of frustration creeping into his dolly voice.
“It’s pink!”
Dannydoll frowned, creasing
his vinyl brow. “How about the
farmhouse?”
“Oooooh, a farmhouse! Great.”
As they approached the large
rangy dollhouse, Jackdoll gripped his P90 and with a flourish, kicked opened
the door, shining his miniscule flashlight into the dim interior. After sweeping the first room he snapped,
“Clear!” and moved to the next one.
When all the lights in the house suddenly came on, he started in
surprise. “What the?”
“It’s not a Goa’uld
stronghold, Jackdoll. I find flipping
the light switch is useful though.”
They explored the house and
found a kitchen, living room and a dining room. A wide flight of stairs led to a bathroom and three large
bedrooms, one of which would make the perfect nursery.
“This is the one,
Dannydoll,” Jackdoll said wistfully, his dream of domestic bliss almost within
reach.
“What about furniture, sir?”
Sammiedoll asked, catching up with the dolly men.
“Choose whatever you like,
Sammiedoll. I know you women love to
shop for house goods,” Jackdoll said beaming broadly.
Sammiedoll narrowed her eyes
and glared at her colonel, but decided not to comment. She would have her payback by asking him to
look after her collection of rubber babies; it would serve him right. As long as he didn’t bounce them all over
the house, of course…
-o-
Before long, the SG1dolls
had amassed a huge number of accessories and furniture items.
Jackdoll and Dannydoll
deliberately chose the biggest bed they could find, a set of full-length
mirrors and several pairs of tiny handcuffs, light in weight but perfectly
formed. Dannydoll made sure they had a
very large fridge. He figured storing
their UHU adhesive putty in the cold box would keep their large malleable dicks
nice and hard, as long as Teal’cdoll didn’t get peckish in the night, and
mistaking them for hotdogs, eat them.
Groaning quietly, Dannydoll
couldn’t wait for Felger to arrange delivery of their new house and furniture. The thought of handcuffing Jackdoll to the
dolly bed and humping him senseless had him salivating in anticipation.
Sammiedoll had Teal’cdoll
carrying several rubber baby cots to accommodate their large and instant
family. Teal’cdoll just wanted the drum
kit. Dannydoll chose a grand piano and
Jackdoll an acoustic guitar. His little
U-shaped grip slid up and down the neck of the instrument and produced a tinkly
melodic sound, sending all the rubber babies into dreamland. Jackdoll even selected a surprise gift for
Felgerdoll – a doghouse, because he was sure the annoyingly dumb dolly would
earn it sometime soon.
For a while, the SG1dolls
settled into household harmony, Dannydoll growing little plastic flowers and
vegetables, Jackdoll trying not to set fire to the dollhouse with his
beautifully crafted barbecue, Sammiedoll walking all the rubber babies in her
fleet of strollers and Teal’cdoll lounging in front of the TV.
He just couldn’t quite work
out why the picture on the screen never changed…