TIME OUT (WITH R & R)

 

Remember and Regret

 

It had been a shit day on Planet O'Neill and as SG-1, as well as the remnants of SG-3 and SG-5, clanged and staggered their way down the 'Gate ramp, Colonel Jack O'Neill knew they had been out-thought, out-fought, and out-gunned. The fact that any of them had returned to the SGC at all was a surprise, even to him.

General Hammond was waiting for him at the bottom of the ramp.

 

"Report, colonel?" he snapped, his initial assessment of the state of his teams telling him that this had not been a good mission.

 

"One fatality and two injured, sir," O'Neill replied, suddenly feeling incredibly tired, his body like lead and his brain on empty.

 

"Get cleaned up, colonel. I want a full report in one hour!" Hammond was furious. He always reacted like this when he lost any SG team member. He wasn't necessarily furious at O'Neill; he would save that until he knew if the mission could have been executed differently. Right now, he was just furious. He didn't like losing anyone - and he took it personally.

The frantic activity in the 'Gate room started to subside as the injured were being whisked away to the infirmary. There wasn't a body to send to the morgue though. If O'Neill had ordered its retrieval they would have all been in the morgue right now, except of course, they would have died where they stood, on Planet O'Neill. They would have rotted and eventually disappeared where they fell. He shuddered at the thoughts and images growing in the empty, emotionally dead part of his brain.

 

He handed over his ordinance and made his way to the locker room. The rest of his team members saw the injured safely on their way and commiserated with the dead man's team mates. O'Neill just couldn't do it. He knew how close they'd come to a total wipe out. He couldn't say anything to anyone because if he did he knew he would blow up or throw up. Take your pick.

 

When he got to his locker he saw a white envelope sticking out between the door and the hinge. He yanked it out and stared at the address:

 

Colonel Jack O'Neill, USAF

 

This was obviously from someone who didn't know where he was stationed. The address was handwritten and it was in Sarah's writing. Opening it, he wondered what news there could be, as she never wrote to him anymore, not since they split up. If she really needed to speak to him she could have called him at home. Did she have his number? He couldn't remember. Maybe she wanted to get back together with him. Would he want that? Maybe, maybe not. He unfolded the single sheet of paper.

 

Jack, I'm writing to let you know that I've remarried. He's a nice man and I love him. Sarah.

 

Jack couldn't believe what he was reading. He read the letter again as he swayed and then leaned against the locker door. The last connection of the previous seventeen years of his life was now broken. His very tenuous association with Sarah was the only thing that kept his link to Charlie and now they were both gone.

 

He put his hands on his thighs and leaned forward, his breathing coming in short shallow inhales and exhales and he was on the edge of losing it completely. He slowly became aware of a pain in his shoulder. Carefully peeling away his jacket he could see that his regulation black t-shirt had diagonal tears in it. He gingerly touched his fingertips to the exposed skin and looking at them he could see they were covered in blood.

 

"Crap!" he moaned; he'd been hit and hadn't even been aware of it. His knees buckled and he was unconscious before his body made contact with the floor. Sarah's letter fluttered from his hand, sliding between the bottom of his locker and the gap created by the slightly uneven flooring.

 

-o-

 

"Colonel? Colonel O'Neill?"

 

Dr. Janet Fraiser bent over O'Neill, businesslike with a hint of concern. O'Neill opened his eyes slowly and as his vision normalised, he realised he was in a bed in the infirmary.

 

"Doc? What's goin' on?"

 

"You were found unconscious in the locker room and I'm guessing you had a delayed reaction to your injuries.

 

"What?"

 

"You do have shoulder and chest injuries from your last mission, colonel. Don't you remember?" The doctor's large brown eyes studied him closely.

 

"Oh yeah, sure," replied O'Neill carefully. "I didn't realise I'd been hit. There was too much going on at the time."

 

"Okay, colonel, just lie back and relax. You'll be here for a few days yet."

 

Damn! He just wanted to be out of there, away from the mountain and to be in his own place, alone. He peered at his shoulder, bandaged and with his arm in a sling.

"Great!" he muttered with no hint at all of his usual, 'aliens are always pokin' me full of holes,' dismissive humour.

 

Over the next four days the other SG-1 team members were frequent visitors to O'Neill's bedside. Daniel brought some magazines, mainly about fishing and astronomy. Teal'c spent hours working on a 3000 piece jigsaw of the Swiss Alps with him. Carter had used the Goa'uld healing device to help speed up his recovery. In other circumstances O'Neill's hospitalisation would have been reasonable, except his state of mind had descended into a dark brooding place that no one else could penetrate. The rest of his team became more and more concerned for him.

 

"What do you think is going on?" Janet Fraiser asked O'Neill's 2IC.

 

"I'm not sure, Janet. I think he took the death of Captain Vargas pretty badly. Perhaps he's stressed and tired," offered Sam Carter.

 

"I think there's more to it than that, Sam, I just don't know what. I don't want to have to involve Mental Health Services if I can avoid it."

 

Major Carter's huge blue eyes widened even more. She knew O'Neill would take self-enforced retirement rather than go through that, especially after Daniel's experience of grappling with Machello's Goa'uld killing devices and the ministrations of the Psychiatric Department.

 

"What about a break, Janet? Maybe a couple of weeks of R and R? If we all went away together perhaps we could help him."

 

Janet nodded slowly, thinking it through. "It can't hurt Sam; except, well, you know how stubborn he can be. You might all end up feeling miserable and achieve nothing."

 

"I think everything should be as normal as possible. We'll go on a vacation, take time out, and recharge. It's got to be worth the effort, Janet, he deserves it."

 

"Okay, Sam, between you and I, I could have released the colonel a couple of days ago but I wanted to monitor his state of mind. He's very low, withdrawn, and quiet. At the moment he's just too easy a patient for things to be normal."

 

"We could go to Dad's old beach house. With Mark in San Diego and Dad away so often, the old place could probably do with a visit. I just hope the colonel will enjoy it. It's quiet, overlooks the ocean, and there's nobody else for miles."

 

"Sounds good, Sam. Let me know when you can make the arrangements. I'll work on him and see if I can plant the idea and get some response to it."

 

-o-

 

Fifteen hours later SG-1 was on a transport flight from Peterson to Beale. Sam had managed to hitch a lift. She would have preferred to go to Travis but there was no flight there for two days. They sat in the hold of the aircraft each wearing head phones to cut down on the noise and to communicate with each other. Their transportation was very basic but at least they had loaded both Carter's and Daniel's cars on board. O'Neill was still withdrawn, brooding, and angry. He sat absolutely still with his arms across his chest, hunched and tense, and Carter was beginning to think this whole thing was a terrible mistake. This part of the journey would test the nerves and senses of the most balanced person, being noisy, uncomfortable, and cold.

 

They landed at Beale Air Force Base a couple of hours later. As they gathered themselves to drive the cars out of the belly of the plane, O'Neill remained seated, almost like a resentful sulky child.

 

"Colonel? Colonel! Time to move out, sir," shouted a technician. O'Neill was still wearing headphones, even though the plane's engines were off.

 

"C'mon, sir, we need to go."

 

Carter spoke softly, taking off the headgear, resting her hand lightly on his arm. She smiled as she slid her hand over his, squeezing and pulling at him gently, trying to break through his mood and get him up and moving. He did so eventually, without resistance, as if his mind and body were on autopilot.

 

Sam was beginning to recognise his mood swings, at one moment outwardly angry and the next withdrawn and compliant. They were two sides of the same coin. He was obviously in pain and dreadfully unhappy, and this was his way of trying to deal with whatever had sparked this episode of depression. They quickly unloaded the cars and drove out of the shadow of the plane into brilliant sunlight. It was 3.30pm. The sudden contrast between the cold, dim, and noisy interior of the aircraft and the hot bright environment of the runway was almost too much for O'Neill. Sitting next to Carter, O'Neill had made a lightening move to open the passenger door and leap out as she braked to pass through the exit gate. Fortunately Carter had taken the precaution of locking the doors as soon as they got in.

 

"Easy, colonel," she said, laying her arm across his chest to stop him. He winced and she guessed his chest and shoulder were still sore from his injuries. Slumping back in the seat, he stared out of the window. Daniel had witnessed the activity and drawing up alongside Sam, shouted through his open window.

 

"Everything all right?”

 

"Yeah, but I think it would be better if the colonel sat in the back of your car with Teal'c. He might feel more secure than sitting in the front of mine."

 

Daniel nodded, spoke to Teal'c, and within two minutes O'Neill was being led by the arm to Daniel's car and settled in the back next to the Jaffa. They passed through the exit gates and the large billboard announcing that Beale Air Force Base was the 'home of the U2 Dragon Lady'.

 

The small convoy made its way out onto the main highway north of Sacramento, travelling through Yuba City, and picking up a road that twisted its way through the California Coast Ranges to Ukiah, and then on to their final destination of Mendocino on the coast.

 

Between getting stuck behind motor homes and the winding roads, the journey had taken nearly four hours but at last they were nearly there. Carter led and Daniel followed. It was now early evening as they turned off the main highway and along a narrow track, pulling up outside Jacob's old beach house. It was a large single storey building of stone and wood. The paintwork on the shuttering was bleached and peeling slightly, the result of the ocean air and wind. The garden, what there was of it, was wild and overgrown.

 

Sam shoved her key in the front door lock, pushed her shoulder against the door, and opened it. The air inside was stale and musty with that, 'no one's been here for a while,' smell. Daniel and Teal'c followed her into the darkened house as she called from the kitchen.

 

"Can you guys release the shutters outside and I'll open the windows and then make coffee."

 

Daniel and Teal'c worked their way around the outside of the house, opening the shutters, folding them back and slipping the bolts to pin them against the exterior walls. O'Neill still remained in Daniel's car, asleep. He'd fallen asleep against Teal'c's shoulder soon after they had left Beale and hadn't stirred at all, even when they'd pulled up outside the beach house. Teal'c had moved him off the cushion the Jaffa had on his lap so that O'Neill could rest his head.

 

Quickly Sam opened up the windows, gathered the covers off the furniture, and made coffee. In the meantime Daniel and Teal'c unloaded their luggage and two boxes of food and other supplies, dumping everything in the middle of the large living room. They stood admiring the view out of the French doors. The house was perched on cliffs overlooking a windswept empty beach and the view was breathtaking.

 

"Don't you think we should get the colonel? I'm worried he might make a bolt for it and he won't have a clue where he is," Sam said, bearing a tray of coffee cups from the kitchen.

"Yeah, c'mon Teal'c, we'll get him."

 

The two men reached into the car and pulled out the still sleeping colonel. Cradling the big man in his arms like a child, Teal'c carried him into the house. Sam wanted to cry at the sight of O'Neill being carried like a baby. She'd slipped tranquillisers that Janet had given her into his coffee for the flight. They had certainly worked; he was completely out of it.

Teal'c and his sleeping charge followed Sam into a small bedroom. She'd made up a bed almost as soon as she'd opened the house. Teal'c laid O'Neill carefully and gently onto it. Sam started to undress the colonel and suddenly stopped.

 

"Daniel, you...you and Teal'c had better do this," she muttered, waving her arms towards the recumbent man. She suddenly felt embarrassed at stripping him while he was unaware of what she was doing.

 

Daniel touched her shoulder, nodded, and moved to take her place. He understood how she felt about undressing Jack while he slept. Even he felt slightly awkward about it. He had good reason though; he liked Jack a lot. Sure, the man was his best friend but there was something else, something Daniel hadn't told anyone. As he picked up where Sam left off, unbuttoning Jack's shirt, Daniel was utterly aware of the effect his actions were having. He had felt his temperature rise and his skin tingle as he finished unfastening the shirt revealing Jack's muscular chest and abdomen. After he and Teal'c finished making Jack comfortable, Daniel retreated nervously to the living room, grabbed a box of supplies and took it into the kitchen, hurriedly unpacking its contents into the cabinets under Sam's direction.

 

The three sat around the kitchen table eating supper.

 

"He's still out cold, Sam. Maybe we should contact Janet and find out if this is normal?"

 

"Daniel, he's sedated."

 

"What?"

 

"I slipped him some tranquillisers that Janet gave me. They were supposed to calm him down a little so that the journey wouldn't be too uncomfortable for him."

 

"I guess they did the job."

 

"And some," added Sam. "Don't worry, Daniel, I'm sure he'll be fine. We can take turns sitting with him through the night. If he should wake up alone he might panic not knowing where he is."

 

"Okay, Sam, but if he's not fully awake and functioning by tomorrow morning we contact Janet."

 

Sam nodded, biting her bottom lip. He'd better be in the land of the living by morning or this whole trip might be for nothing.

 

Just then the phone rang and picking it up and listening, Sam mouthed to Daniel that it was her brother calling from San Diego, pleased that he'd got her message to contact her.

"Oh, Mark, that would be great but I can't at the moment. What a shame."

 

"What?" Daniel hissed. "What is it?"

 

Sam put her hand over the mouthpiece.

 

"Dad has just turned up on Mark's doorstep. He's got a few days leave. Mark wants me to visit. It would be lovely to see them both together but I can't leave. Not with the colonel in the state he's in at the moment."

 

"Hey, it'll be all right. You go. Take Teal'c with you. You'd enjoy San Diego."

 

"DanielJackson," rumbled Teal'c, "I will not leave until O'Neill is revived."

 

Daniel smiled as he looked at the huge Jaffa, knowing how loyal he was to O'Neill. He'd seen it often enough in a crisis and they'd seen plenty of those in action. This was a whole different kind of crisis though, a personal one for Jack O'Neill, and for all he knew they could be part of the problem as well as the solution.

 

"Sam, you and Teal'c take the first shifts. I'll do the graveyard one. That way you'll be fit for your trip."

 

"I'm not sure, Daniel. I'd feel really guilty deserting the colonel right now."

 

"Well, don't. You deserve a break and you haven't seen either Mark or Jacob for ages, and Teal'c? You've been looking forward to seeing a bit more of Earth; you could start with San Diego. I can look after Jack." Seeing how worried Sam looked he tried to reassure her. "It'll be okay, Sam. One way or another, we'll get him through this," he whispered, trying to convince himself as much as her.

 

Daniel took to his bed, tired, but too anxious to sleep. He wanted Sam and Teal'c to get a vacation, it was important. But he wondered if he'd been a bit rash in thinking he could look after Jack by himself. 'What's the worse that could happen?' he asked himself. 'Suicide maybe?' Well, he'd certainly already seen Jack through that, thinking back to when they first met. Eventually he fell into a fitful sleep.

 

Daniel's alarm clock beeped at 3.45am. He dragged himself out of bed, grabbed his robe and padded to Jack's room. He whispered to Teal'c, as he sat in his usual Kelnoream position, waiting for his consciousness to resurface.

 

"DanielJackson. O'Neill has not woken. His breathing and pulse are slow and steady. He is still in a deep state of sleep."

 

"Thanks, Teal'c. I'll take over now; you go and take a break."

 

"I will not, DanielJackson, not until O'Neill is awake."

 

Daniel smiled and continued, "Okay, just go and relax for a while. I want to do this, Teal'c; it's my turn to look out for him."

 

"DanielJackson, you always 'look out for him'. Turn-taking is not in your nature where O'Neill is concerned." With that cryptic comment the Jaffa left the room.

Blinking at Teal'c's retreating figure, Daniel settled in the armchair and looked at the sleeping form of his friend. Jack's face was relaxed and he wondered if he was ever this relaxed outside his currently drug-induced state. Reaching out Daniel touched his neck with his fingertips, feeling for his pulse. Teal'c was right; Jack was just sleeping. As he rested his fingers against Jack's skin, Daniel realised that this was the one and only time he'd touched him, without clothing between them. He took his fingers away quickly like he'd been scalded, this was not right and he knew it. Here was Jack O'Neill unaware and vulnerable, and here he was very aware and in control. Sitting back in the armchair, he picked up the book he'd brought with him to read.

 

-o-

 

Several hours later Jack woke opening his eyes and looking around slowly, trying to assess where he was and what the hell was going on. He saw Daniel sitting in an armchair next to his bed and propping himself up on an elbow, looked at the other man more closely. Daniel was asleep and Jack smiled when he saw the open book on his lap, Daniel's hand on the page he must have been reading when he fell asleep. He looked so peaceful. For once he could look at his friend without inhibition. His long black eyelashes caressed his pale smooth skin. Jack's glance rested on his gently rising and falling chest. He blinked and looked away. For the first time ever Daniel looked completely relaxed. Sarah used to look like that Jack thought, when they shared a bed, when they were a couple, when they were Charlie's parents. He remembered looking at Sarah asleep the morning he had left for Abydos, the morning he had decided to kill himself with the bomb meant for Ra.

 

He lay back down on the bed and closed his eyes again.

 

-o-

 

Sam quietly opened the door to Jack's room and glanced at Daniel, gently snoring. Jack was asleep too. She backed out and shut the door again and, grabbing a second cup of coffee, went to find Teal'c. They debated whether they should wake the other two. It was 8.30am. After another cup of coffee Sam decided she should wake them, though it was almost easier to let them sleep, well Jack anyway. It was painful to watch him wrestling with whatever it was that was making him so depressed, leaving him to sleep was easier for him and for Daniel to cope with as well. She felt a pang of guilt for Jack as she roused Daniel; her first concern was to look at her colleague. She felt his pulse and he shifted at her touch.

 

"Sir? Colonel? Are you awake?" Jack just grunted.

 

"We're at the beach house, sir. How do you feel?"

 

"How the hell should I know, major, I've just woken up." His voice was thick with sleep.

 

"Sorry, sir." Carter was relieved he was awake and talking, albeit sounding a bit cranky.

 

"There's a shower across the hall if you want it."

 

"I'll get you some coffee," Daniel added. With that he was up and out of the armchair and into the kitchen.

 

While Jack was doing whatever he was doing, the other three held a conference in the kitchen. Their discussion was around whether Sam and Teal'c should leave for their trip or whether they should stay because of Jack. Daniel was adamant they should go, Sam was unsure, and Teal'c was just as adamant they should stay.

 

"Look guys, what's the worst that can happen?"

 

"Well, the colonel could go completely nuts, run amok, and kill you," Sam stated, frowning.

 

"I don't think so!" Daniel smiled.

 

Just then a very dishevelled, unshaven, and unshowered Jack shuffled into the kitchen and the others fell silent trying to assess the situation. Jack helped himself to coffee and went into the living room, saying nothing to any of them. As he left the kitchen they all looked at each other in silence and Daniel followed Jack sitting down beside him on the sofa.

 

"Jack? Don't you think if would be a good idea to take a shower and shave?"

 

"Nope."

 

"Well, it might make you feel better."

 

"Why would I want that?" Jack's mood seemed very dark indeed. He threw a poisonous glance at the other man.

 

"Jack! C'mon, you're with friends now. You don't have to be like this."

 

"Like what, Daniel?

 

"Unhappy. Jack, we can all see something's wrong."

 

The tall lean USAF officer got up and stood at the window, looking out with blank eyes, effectively turning his back on his friend. Daniel sat for a time wondering whether he would be staring his own mortality in the face if he tried to talk to Jack again.

 

"Jack?" Daniel was a strong believer in the power of persuasion and negotiation, so going where angels fear to tread, he continued.

 

"Jack, I know how you feel."

 

"Fuck off, Daniel." The younger man sort of expected something like this.

 

"Whatever it is Jack, we can talk."

 

"No, Daniel, you can talk."

 

"Won't you even give me a clue as to how you're feeling and why?"

 

"I'm here, Daniel, wherever here is. I don't really care, and why? Why anything anymore," Jack said through gritted teeth.

 

Daniel got up off the sofa and stood beside him at the window.

 

"What d'ya mean, Jack?"

 

"I don't mean anything." Jack turned and walked away. "Just leave me alone." With that he went back to his room and slammed the door.

 

'That went well,' Daniel thought. He put his hands in his pockets and stared at his feet. What the hell was going on in Jack's mind?

 

Daniel joined the others in the kitchen.

 

"We heard, Daniel," Sam sighed. "This is going to be a bigger job than we thought."

 

"Yeah, Jack's never been one to share much," he added.

 

The three of them fell silent for a few moments.

 

"Look," Daniel said, straightening up as if he'd made a decision, "you and Teal'c go. I'll leave him alone for a day or two and see what happens. I've got plenty to do by myself and I'm okay without lively intelligent conversation for a week, I think!"

 

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Daniel? I mean, you'll be on your own effectively, with a man who could swing from suicide to homicide."

 

"I don't think things are quite that bad, Sam, and besides, as long as there's no booze in the house and I hide the carving knife I'll be all right."

 

"Make sure you call me at least once a day to let us know what's going on."

 

"I promise!" They hugged and Daniel patted Teal'c on the arm.

 

A few hours later, plane tickets booked, the three said farewell.

 

"You guys go and have a great time, please!" With that they loaded Sam's car, tried to say goodbye to Jack through his closed bedroom door without a response, and drove away.

 

-o-

 

Receive and Reciprocate

 

Feeling peckish, Daniel made some sandwiches and wondered if he might be able to tempt Jack, because apart from that coffee earlier on, he'd had nothing to eat or drink for a long while. Daniel made up a tray and took it to his bedroom door, knocking gently.

 

"Jack? I've made you a sandwich and some coffee. I can bring it in or leave it outside if you want."

 

He listened carefully, pressing his ear against the door, but there was no response. Leaving the tray outside the door, Daniel retreated to the living room. It had only been a few hours since Sam and Teal'c had left and already the silence was unnerving. In fact it wasn't so much the silence of the house that bothered him so much as Jack's silence.

 

Rifling through one of the boxes he'd brought he found a CD of Sting's Greatest Hits. He played it loudly, determined to remind his errant C.O. that he was not alone. Daniel played it through twice while cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming the living room. When he'd finished he noticed Jack's door was open. He dropped the vacuum and ventured a peek inside to find Jack's bed empty and that he definitely wasn't there. Daniel suddenly panicked thinking he might have taken off. Did he leave his car keys out? Would Jack have bolted in his car? Daniel flung open the front door, looking for it. It was still there.

 

"Looking for something?" Jack's sudden presence behind Daniel made him jump. Then he felt guilty for assuming Jack had gone AWOL.

 

"I, I was just wondering where you'd gone."

 

"Checkin' up on me?"

 

"No, of course not," he lied.

 

"Good," Jack barked and went back into his room.

 

Daniel felt a little shaky, not having heard him creep up behind him like that. He went back into the kitchen to make some coffee, noticing that Jack had returned the tray with an empty plate and mug. Daniel checked the trash. Had he eaten the food or thrown it away? There was no evidence that he'd refused to eat so Daniel assumed he had.

 

The afternoon wore on and Daniel took a couple of turns around the exterior of the house inspecting it for damage. Apart from the garden, the house looked fine outside and he would tackle the garden tomorrow; the tools he needed were packed away in the utility room off the kitchen according to Sam's instructions. He wanted to help out and thought some new plants would be a welcome addition. He would go into town tomorrow and get some food supplies as well. He would just have to hope that Jack would be all right on his own for an hour or so.

 

It was getting dark now, so he went inside and stared at the minimal contents of the fridge. They hadn't brought much in the way of food as it wouldn't travel well but there were some eggs, cheese, salad, and bacon, and canned milk. He could make an omelette and save the bacon for breakfast. There was also some bread left. They had enough for tonight, so he knocked on Jack's door again.

 

"I'm gonna make an omelette. Do you want one?" Again, there was no reply. "How about some coffee? I'll be going into Mendocino tomorrow so I can get whatever you want then. Jack?" Daniel heard the bed creak. Was that a yes to the omelette? "Well, I'll cook the eggs and leave it outside the door."

 

On the other side of the door Jack lay on the bed in the dark and the silence. He was fast reaching rock bottom. What was the point of anything anymore? Somehow he'd lost so much and it was his fault. He'd lost Vargas, Sarah, and Charlie. He'd nearly lost Daniel.

 

As they were retreating from that last disastrous mission Daniel had tripped and fallen, Jack heard him shout, and had looked over his shoulder to see a huge Jaffa standing over him aiming his staff weapon right at the archaeologist's chest from point blank range. By the time he could have turned and raised his gun Daniel would have been dead, blown away. Teal'c had been there and blasted the Jaffa off his feet. His smoking corpse had fallen on top of Daniel. Teal'c had pulled the dead man off him and scooped Daniel up in his arms. All Jack had contributed to that event was observation. Daniel would have died and all Jack could do was watch.

 

He'd seen Vargas die as well and all he could do was watch. He'd held Charlie in his arms at the hospital and all he could do was watch as his young son died. Afterwards all he could do was watch, as he and Sarah grew apart. All he could ever do was watch the mayhem around him.

 

When he was stuck in that stinking Iraqi jail for four months, it was only the thought of Sarah and Charlie that kept him going. Now there was no one to keep him going any longer. Their secret war against the Goa'uld would carry on without him so maybe it was time to walk away. He'd walked away twice before. The first time after Charlie had died and the second time after the first Abydos mission. Both times he'd been recalled to active duty and both times he'd done what was needed. Only this time, he was still doing it. Maybe his time was done. Maybe he should just walk away and slide into a steep decline? The others didn't need him; in fact their chances of survival would probably increase without him.

"I'm gonna make an omelette. Do you want one?" Daniel's muffled voice from the other side of the door pierced his thoughts.

 

An omelette, he thought ruefully, that'll solve everything! He turned over on the bed and stared at the wall. Daniel was saying he'd cook the eggs anyway and leave the food outside. This was crazy; it was like being back in that Iraqi jail, except he could leave at any time. This time though, he didn't want to.

 

After a while, Daniel sneaked back to Jack's room and the tray was outside the door, empty. He breathed a sigh of relief as he picked it up though there still was no sound, no activity in Jack's room. There was no light shining from underneath the door either. Nothing. Shaking his head Daniel went back into the kitchen. He called Sam and reported nothing. That was it, nothing. He didn't bother to mention the Jack creeping-up-behind-him incident. He didn't want to worry Sam anymore than she already was but if things didn't improve in the next twenty-four hours he would have to contact Janet, off the record as a friend. Daniel wanted to keep things as far away from Jack's official record as possible.

 

-o-

 

The next day dawned clear and bright and Daniel went through the same, 'knock, offer Jack food and leave it outside his door,' ritual. When he went to collect the tray, Jack suddenly opened the door and he stood up slowly, tray in hand looking at him. Jack was a complete wreck and he was still wearing the clothes he had on when they'd left the mountain. He had a couple of days beard growth and his room was pretty ripe.

 

Jack stared at Daniel, guessing by his expression that he looked and smelt like a wreck.

 

"Morning. How are you feeling?" Daniel asked tentatively.

 

"How d'ya think?" Jack snapped.

 

"Like shit?" he offered. Jack nodded. Was that a fleeting smile on his lips? Daniel hoped so.

 

"Look, I'm going into Mendocino in a minute. Do you want to come for the ride?" Jack just continued to stare at him. "Well, is there anything you want?" He didn't respond except to retreat into his room again. "Okaaay, I'll take that as a no," Daniel called after the retreating figure. He was still pretty worried about leaving Jack but he needed to get some groceries. He did think he could hide all the knives and other possible suicide implements but if Jack knew he'd done something like that, it might make him feel worse, like he couldn't be trusted.

 

Jack heard the front door close and Daniel's car drive away. Sitting on the edge of the bed Jack noticed his suitcase and a small overnight bag. Opening up the case, he rooted through it, then picked up the small bag and emptied the contents onto the bed. He really ought to take a shower and shave.

 

A little voice whispered in his head, 'Why bother? It doesn't matter anymore!' He shook his head and sat down again. Another voice whispered, ' If you don't make a show of this you'll end up with Mental Health Services crawling all over you. Go through the motions then they'll leave you alone.'

 

He got up and showered.

 

-o-

 

Daniel was having a great time in Mendocino, a tiny place on the rugged Californian coastline. He sat at an outside table of a café, drank coffee, read the local paper, and enjoyed the sunshine for a few minutes. He shopped carefully for food, wanting to choose things that would tempt Jack to eat, getting a couple of bottles of spring water as well, feeling sure Jack wasn't drinking enough fluids and this way he could monitor how much was used by how often Jack deposited an empty container outside his door. Daniel also bought fresh fruit, vegetables, and some shrubs for the garden. He was determined to try and have a good time, even if Jack wasn't.

 

-o-

 

Rest and Recuperation

 

Meanwhile, Jack stood under the pounding hot shower leaning forward to plant his hands on the cool tiles and bracing his arms. He let the hot water cascade over his body allowing the therapeutic sensation wash over his mind as well. Suddenly the image of a crumpled Daniel seconds away from death crashed into his consciousness. He bent his head and groaned.

 

Finishing his shower, Jack shaved and tidied his bedroom, stripped the bed and with his discarded clothes, filled up the washing machine and started it. While Daniel was out, he wandered around the house looking at the Carter family photographs on the mantelpiece, Daniel's collection of music CDs, and the view from the living room. After a while Jack flopped into an armchair, laid his head against the backrest, and closed his eyes.

 

He had a family of sorts - it was called SG-1. Teal'c was his brother in arms, and Daniel? Daniel was his conscience, his anchor, and his moral compass. Carter? What was she to him, to his SG-1 family?

 

Just then he heard the front door open and close. He stirred to see Daniel walk into the living room and his jaw dropped as he surveyed the man standing in front of him.

Daniel was wearing a cut-off snug sleeveless t-shirt short enough to show off his tight rippling abdomen and very tight black jeans. As Daniel walked towards him, his hips swayed seductively as he looked heart-longingly, groin-achingly stunning. Jack watched as he walked slowly across the large living room floor and gripping the arms of the chair, he hardly dared to breathe. Daniel's eyes were fixed on his as the suggestion of a smile played across his pouting lips.

 

Standing directly in front of him now, Daniel bent down, planted his hands on the older man's thighs, and placed his face within an inch of Jack's. He could see Daniel's well-developed biceps and pectoral muscles and he sucked in a deep breath as Daniel moved his hands further up Jack's thighs. Daniel moved in to kiss him, slowly, seductively, and softly. Placing his hands on Jack's face he drew his lips even closer. Daniel raised one knee at a time and placed them on the seat of the chair, on either side of Jack's thighs to straddle his lap. Jack moaned as he felt the sensation of the other man's lips against his mouth, chin, cheeks, nose, eyes, and forehead. Jack buried himself into Daniel's chest, trying to latch onto one of his erect nipples through the fabric of his t-shirt.

 

Lowering himself into Jack's lap, Daniel rubbed himself against Jack's engorged and straining penis. Jack groaned loudly, every nerve on fire, and every inch of his flesh tingling as he felt his arousal careering towards climax.

 

Just then he heard the front door open and close. He stirred to see Daniel walk into the living room. His jaw dropped as he surveyed the man standing in front of him. Daniel was carrying armfuls of groceries and shouting to him.

 

"Gimme a hand, quick! I'm gonna drop one of these bags!" Jack jumped up and grabbed some of the bags, taking them to the kitchen and leaning into the counter he mentally tried to talk down his rampant cock. He desperately prayed Daniel hadn't noticed.

 

"You feeling better?" Daniel enquired, unpacking the supplies.

 

"Ah, not sure," Jack replied, silently recounting last season's hockey scores.

 

"Oh," Daniel said, surprised that he wasn't sure, when it seemed quite obvious to him that Jack must be feeling better because he was in the same room as the younger man and was actually speaking to him.

 

"Coffee?"

 

"Nah, got anything stronger?"

 

"No sorry, never thought," he said lying.

 

"Well, coffee it is then," Jack said reaching to open a cabinet door and looking for cups, still with his back to the other man.

 

"I, um, took the liberty of buying some steaks. Will you eat if I cook?"

 

"I'll eat if I cook. Your culinary skills leave something to be desired, Daniel!"

 

"Gee thanks," he smiled.

 

By now Jack felt more in control of his hormones. "You sit, relax, recline, and take it easy. I'll cook, you eat!"

 

"Okay, Jack, I can do that!" Daniel wandered into his bedroom, sprawled on the bed and napped.

 

Meanwhile, Jack busied himself in the kitchen. As he chopped, sliced, and peeled, he thought about what was obviously a dream and nearly a wet dream at that. He had never experienced anything like that before, at least not involving Daniel, that is. Jack had always liked him and was attracted to him but he'd kept those feelings in check very successfully, until now. He was finding this whole new experience very confusing and disarming. One minute he was withdrawn and depressed, the next he was feeling more alive than he had felt in months. Whatever it was about Daniel, he sensed a rekindling of desire, of something that was filling his mind other than thoughts of death and destruction. He shook his head. He didn't have a clue what was going on in his mind.

 

Later, after they'd eaten, Daniel thought it was time to try and find out why Jack was having this recent episode with depression. As they settled into the roomy comfortable armchairs, he took a deep breath and went for it.

 

"Jack, do you want to talk about what's been happening over the last couple of days?"

 

"Nope," the other man replied emphatically.

 

"It might help to talk."

 

"I don't think so."

 

"But you don't know so," Daniel countered, not willing to be put off quite so easily.

 

"Look, Daniel, I'm tired, okay?"

 

"Tired of what, Jack?"

 

"Nothing." At this Jack stood up looking angry. "I'm going to bed now," and with that he walked away, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

Sighing Daniel reached for the phone. "Hi Sam. How's San Diego?"

 

"Its great, how's the colonel?"

 

"Well, I think I'm getting somewhere." He told Sam about their evening together, that Jack cooked and he ate and about their abortive conversation.

"He reacted to your offer to talk?"

 

"Yeah, he said he didn't think it would help."

 

"That's good, Daniel, don't you see? He's more or less acknowledged that there is something; you just have to find out what it is. Just get him to identify what it is that he's having such a hard time dealing with. At least then you'll have a starting point."

 

"Sounds easier said than done, Sam, but I'll try."

 

-o-

 

The next morning Daniel was out in the garden clearing away some of the weeds, making enough space to plant the shrubs. The day was sunny and warm and he had decided to wear a light cotton shirt and shorts. As he knelt to prepare the ground for planting, Daniel wasn't aware of the figure watching him a few yards away.

 

Jack had woken and opened his bedroom door just wide enough to check for the breakfast tray he expected Daniel to leave. There was nothing there. Damn it! He opened the door fully and stuck his head out but he couldn't see or hear Daniel in the house. 'Odd,' he thought, 'maybe he's gone out again.'

 

Jack made coffee and taking the cup with him, went outside. He walked to Daniel's car and glancing through the window he hoped he might spot the keys. He tried the doors but they were locked. He smiled ruefully; Daniel obviously didn't trust him. He had certainly given no reason for trust recently. The dream image of Daniel approaching him as he sat in the chair flashed through his mind again and his groin stirred involuntarily. He shook his head, continued his walk around the house, and as he turned the corner he saw Daniel, kneeling on the ground working the earth in front of him.

 

Jack stopped to watch him. He couldn't see Daniel's face, just the brim of his boonie. He watched as Daniel moved, noting his slim waist and those taught biceps. Daniel raised himself up on his knees and bent forward on all fours, turning the earth. Jack traced the shape of his hips and buttocks. Groaning softly Jack felt his arousal grow. Daniel stopped and turned his head in Jack's direction. The brim of his hat framed his face and Jack could see the smooth pale flesh of his chest as his shirt billowed in the breeze. His smile illuminated his face.

 

"Hey!"

 

"Hey yourself, Daniel."

 

"How are you feeling this morning?"

 

"Okay," Jack answered walking the few yards to stand over him as he remained on his knees.

 

His bright blue eyes looked straight at Jack's groin. Was that a bulge?

 

"Watcha doin'?"

 

"Gardening."

 

"I can see that. Gardening what?"

 

"Oh, just planting a few shrubs I bought yesterday."

 

"Didja water'em?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Didja dig the planting hole big enough?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Have you put fertiliser in the hole to give 'em a good start?"

 

"Yes! Jack, I do know how to plant a mahonia you know!"

 

"Juss checkin'."

 

"Yeah well, instead of, 'juss checkin,'' you could give me a hand," Daniel said standing up.

 

'I could give you more than a hand, Danny!'

 

"Okay," Jack nodded.

 

Together they planted the shrubs and did some more weeding and clearing; as they worked together both were acutely aware of the other.

 

After a couple of hours they packed the gardening tools away and went into the house for lunch. As Daniel took off his boonie, Jack could see his open face and full lips.

 

"What do you want?" Daniel called, his head in the fridge.

 

'I want to fuck you senseless, but you'd say no.'

 

"Whatever," Jack replied clearing his throat.

 

After lunch they relaxed in the living room, Daniel read his book and Jack stared into space. He was fast coming to the conclusion that where his mind was right now, full of Daniel, was actually okay.

 

"Let's eat out!" he suddenly announced, Daniel looking up from his book with surprise.

 

"You feel up to it?"

 

"Ya sure ya betcha!" Jack smiled.

 

Maybe he's on the mend, I just don't know what I'll do if he hits the booze when we're out though.

 

Daniel drove them to a quiet beachside restaurant further up the coast towards Fort Bragg. Asking for the wine list, Daniel felt apprehensive about what Jack was likely to order and, more to the point, how much he was likely to order.

 

To his surprise and relief they shared just one bottle of wine that lasted all evening. As Jack ordered for the both of them, poured the wine, and talked intelligently and informatively about his love of opera, Daniel studied his face, his expressions, and the way Jack was looking at him. The ambient light of the candles on their table softened his edges and Daniel realised, though the older man had always fascinated him that he hadn't really noticed just how attractive Jack was until then. His dark brown eyes were mesmeric and Daniel suddenly thought he must have been staring. He looked over Jack's head at the wall behind him, hoping to find something of interest other than this man's handsome features, beautiful greying hair, and those wonderful eyes, warm and dark as coffee. Daniel mentally shook himself and wondered if this was a good time to bring up Jack's mood swings.

 

"Jack?"

 

"Mmmm?"

 

"How do you feel?"

 

Pretty damned good, Danny!

 

"Why do you keep asking me how I feel?"

 

"Because I'm concerned for your welfare."

 

"Don't be," Jack said straightening up and looking ready to run.

 

"Well, I am. As your colleague and as your friend, I know you've got some, well, issues."

 

"You're right, Daniel. They. Are. My. Issues!" He emphasised every word with ever-rising eyebrows.

 

"An issue shared is an issue halved, Jack." Daniel wasn't going to be intimidated now that he had the bit between his teeth. Jack should have known by the look on his face that Daniel was in no mood for the brush off.

 

"Look, I've got stuff okay? I'll deal with it!"

 

"When, Jack?"

 

"What?"

 

"When are you going to deal with it?"

 

"I thought I was. I'm here aren't I?"

 

"This isn't dealing with it; this is called avoidance."

 

"No, I call it having a nice evening with nice company."

 

"Yes, it is but it's still avoidance!"

 

"Don't you ever give up, Daniel?"

 

"No, do you?"

 

Jack opened his mouth to reply and then shut it again. Of course Daniel was right, he was ready to give up, ready to give up everything and then at least he would stop hurting.

 

"Jack, talk to me," Daniel whispered, leaning towards him across the table.

 

"Not now, not here," Jack said decisively.

 

"Let's go then."

 

Jack nodded, they paid the bill and left.

 

They drove the forty-five minutes back to the beach house in almost in total silence but as they got closer to the house Daniel asked Jack a question.

"What can I do?"

 

Fuck me senseless, but you'd say no.

 

"I dunno, Daniel, nothing probably."

 

"We all have demons, Jack, what're yours?"

 

Jack was stunned by Daniel's insightful question. Yes, he did have demons. A couple of days ago they were winning... but now? Maybe it was a draw but the game could still go either way.

 

Jack didn't answer Daniel's question, and Daniel didn't push it, arriving back to the house without further discussion.

 

Daniel made coffee and leaning against the doorframe, Jack watched him.

 

"You're right, I do have demons." Daniel looked at the tall handsome man in the doorway and smiled. He had demons too.

 

"So what now, Jack?"

 

I want you to want me to fuck you, but you'd say no.

 

"Bed."

 

"Excuse me?" Daniel replied, shocked and nervous.

 

"I mean, I'm going to bed, Daniel. It's late and I'm tired. I've done enough 'sharing' for one night." He made that inverted commas sign with his long elegant fingers.

 

"Night Jack," Daniel said laughing softly.

 

-o-

 

Rock and Roll

 

Daniel and Jack were both up late the next morning. They moved around the house tidying, making breakfast, filling the washing machine, and taking out the trash. They relaxed in each other's company as they developed a kind of domestic choreography around the house, working their way through the chores. Jack took the heavy trash bags from Daniel, he handed Jack coffee without asking if he wanted it by just assuming that he did.

 

Jack found an old Frisbee and they spent half an hour in the garden playing and laughing.

 

"Jack, let's go for a walk along the beach. Sam said there's a lovely Italian restaurant overlooking the point and we could have a late lunch," Daniel offered, pointing along the beach to a small headland.

 

They strolled along the beach, meandering around large outcrops of rock and stopping to look for shells. It was sunny but windy and the waves crashed against the shore, making a loud shushing noise as the water receded over the pebbles. The wind tugged and blew at Daniel's hair and shirt and Jack liked this wild look of his. His face was open, smiling, and very, very attractive. Jack loved the strength of his body as the wind failed to take his balance.

 

About two thirds of the way along the beach Daniel suddenly broke away and ran towards a large flat rock near the water's edge. He heaved himself up and stood on top of it. Jack followed, looking up at him.

 

"What an amazing spot, Jack! Isn't it incredible?"

 

"How so?"

 

"Anyone standing here could imagine themselves as king of the world. Think about it. This could be my ship across the ocean, my lookout point. It might be my castle and my magic bed. I would know every fissure, every mark, every shape, crack, every nook and cranny. This is my rock!"

 

Jack smiled, "Permission to come aboard?"

 

"Only very special people get to stand on my rock, Jack. You'll have to prove yourself worthy!"

 

"Tell me what to do, Daniel?"

 

Fuck me senseless Jack, but you'd say no.

 

"You'll have to ask nicely and bring a gift!"

 

Jack looked around by his feet and found a large shell.

 

"Will this do?" he asked, holding it up for inspection.

 

"You have to ask me nicely, Jack!"

 

Please let me fuck you senseless Danny, but you'd say no.

 

"King Daniel of the World please let me come aboard your rock. I bring you a precious gift and I will adore and worship you forever!" Jack's laugh trailed off into a nervous silence as he realised what he'd said. His voice dropped and his face was serious. Daniel blinked at his statement and hesitated momentarily. He was kidding. Wasn't he?

 

Daniel laughed hysterically as Jack tried to mount the rock, offering his hand and pulling the older man up to join him. They stood together on the rock, leaning into the wind and watching the waves crashing against its seaward side, feeling the sea spray on their faces, the wind was bracing, keening over their bodies. Jack shifted so that their shoulders touched as they stood together, united against the elements. They were thrilled and excited by the buffeting of the wind and the tang of salt in the air. As Jack held his contact with Daniel he felt a rush of excitement, of power through his body. The views were truly breathtaking and for the moment Jack's demons had taken flight on the wind. The two turned to leave the rock, smiling at each other.

 

"How do you feel now, Jack?"

 

Like I want you, Daniel, but you'd say no.

 

Thirty minutes later, Daniel and Jack were seated at a table in a small Italian bistro overlooking the sea. The place was small and warm and the tables had red and white chequered cloths with a small vase of spring flowers centred on each table. Daniel was looking very windswept, his hair spiky and full. Jack watched him as he looked at the menu and what he had seen over the last couple of days left him in awe of the stunning man opposite. Daniel was vibrant, playful, and smiled that smile an awful lot. Jack knew he wanted him, completely and utterly and for the rest of his life, however long or short that turned out to be, and if he had his way it would be for as long as was humanly possible and beyond.

 

But he'd say no. Wouldn't he?

 

Just then a short, older, balding man approached them and as Jack opened his mouth to order, Daniel beat him to it.

 

"Two lasagnes with all the trimmings please, and a carafe of house red."

 

"How do you know that's what I wanted, Daniel?" Jack asked, not in the least bit irritated by the other man's assumption.

 

"Because you always chose lasagne when it's Italian Day in the commissary."

 

"Okay, I admit it. I'm a stick-in-the-mud and very, very boring."

 

"There is no way you're boring, Jack, believe me."

 

Jack thought he detected a look in Daniel's eyes that he'd never seen before. He couldn't discern it although he was sure he noticed a softening of those piercingly blue eyes.

Taking the opportunity to practice his Italian, Daniel engaged various restaurant staff in conversation and, as a result, Jack and Daniel enjoyed a leisurely but crowded lunch with various members of the family-owned business joining them at their table just to say their hellos and how are you. Jack felt a bit of an outsider but enjoyed the compensation of sitting back and watching Daniel. He was happy, relaxed, and animated.

 

Daniel and Jack eventually said their goodbyes and made for the stone steps down the cliff wall to the beach. The weather had changed, with thick grey clouds sweeping in from the horizon. The wind was stronger too and the temperature had dropped. Daniel shivered in his cotton shirt as they started their decent down to the beach. If they hurried they could be back at the beach house in 45 minutes. They almost jogged for the first part of the trek back but stopped at Daniel's rock. Jack kept his distance, as Daniel had to touch the rock and say goodbye. Jack allowed him some privacy as he communed with the huge chunk of granite. He smiled as the younger man took in the rough contours of the rock. His smile wasn't the usual snarky cynical variety but a quiet respectful acknowledgement of the broad range of emotions that Daniel was confident enough to explore and show.

 

They continued on again as it started to rain, hard. Jack was wearing a shirt, his black leather jacket, and jeans so he had on an additional layer of clothing compared to Daniel but they were both getting wetter by the second.

 

Taking off his jacket, Jack swung it over their heads and draped it like a floppy boneless umbrella as they trudged on against the wind that was doing its very best to take Jack's coat from his grip. Jack looked around furtively, hoping in vain that there might be some shelter to be had. There was nothing. There was only the sheer cliff face, the open beach, the crashing sea, and the howling wind and rain.

 

He stopped for a moment and swung them both around to face away from the wind. He looked at Daniel's face with concern; he was looking very cold and his lips were drained of colour. He reckoned it would probably take them at least another thirty minutes to get back to the house.

 

"Daniel? Danny!" he yelled but his voice was stolen by the wind. Turning into the wind, he grabbed Daniel's shoulders and looked at him intently.

 

"Danny! Can you make it?" He nodded slowly, placing Jack's hand on his chest to signal him not to worry.

 

Jack wrapped his coat around Daniel's head and shoulders and placed his arm round the other man's waist, almost lifting him off the ground as they battled against the storm. Jack stopped their progress several times and turned Daniel away from the wind so that he could get his breath. Jack stood behind him, placing himself between the ailing man and the wind to try and shelter him. But Jack was also beginning to feel the cold and the draining effects of the storm. His hands and feet were really cold and his chest was red and stinging from the pelting rain. They staggered on until they reached the house.

 

As soon as they were inside Jack bundled Daniel into the bathroom and switched on the shower, telling him to get undressed and under the hot water. Daniel sank onto the bathroom stool, leaning his back against the wall; he felt exhausted. Jack desperately needed to immerse his own cold and battered body in the warm water too.

"C'mon Daniel!" he shouted. "This isn't personal so don't take it the wrong way!"

 

Peeling off Daniel's wet shirt and jeans, as well as his underwear, Jack also stripped naked too.

 

He helped Daniel into the shower. Standing behind him, Jack propped him up and took his weight. Daniel began to slide down his body so Jack wrapped both his arms around the young man's torso and held him tight.

 

After a few minutes they both started to revive, the warmth of the water seeping through their bodies. As Jack revived, so did his desire. Here he was naked, holding a naked Daniel, under a shower. Jack could feel his penis harden against Daniel's buttocks. It was time to let go of him and get out of the shower - quick.

 

As Daniel regained control of his senses, he could feel Jack's strong arms around him. God this feels good! What the hell? He could feel Jack's erection against him and felt his battered consciousness spring into life. His mind was reeling with the sensation of Jack being so close to him and his desire so obvious.

 

"You okay?" Jack whispered over Daniel's shoulder.

 

Ooooooh yeeesssss.

 

"Yeah I think so. Thanks, Jack." Turning in the confined space, Daniel searched Jack's deep brown eyes. "I don't know what happened back there. One minute I was feeling fine and the next I felt like crap."

 

"As long as you're feeling better now."

 

"I, I...This shouldn't have happened," Daniel choked.

 

"What, Daniel? What is it?" Jack was desperately trying to mentally talk down his erection yet again which, given the circumstances of them facing each other in a small shower cubicle, was almost impossible.

 

"I shouldn't have been that weak, Jack. I shouldn't have needed you to get me through the storm. I should have made it back without your help. I should have been looking out for you, not the other way around."

 

"Should have, would have, what does it matter!"

 

"It does matter, Jack! Don't you see? If this had happened on a mission I would have been a total liability to you and the team."

 

"Yes, we are a team and we look out for each other. We're equals in that respect and we're equally strong and equally vulnerable."

 

They looked long and hard at each other. Daniel moved even closer to him, their lips just a fraction away from each other. He could feel Jack's engorged erection against his thigh. Jack knew he had to separate himself from Daniel before he just fucked him where he stood.

 

"What say we get out of here and get a hot drink?" Jack said, looking away from him.

 

"Sure," Daniel said, almost disappointed that Jack hadn't made a move on him. "You go first; I'll stay here until you're decent." He gave an embarrassed smile.

 

"I dunno, I always thought I was pretty decent in any situation!" Jack grinned.

 

"Yes and you'll be even more decent when you're dressed!" Daniel laughed, playfully planting his hands on Jack's chest to push him backwards. Jack lost the grin and became serious, studying Daniel's blue eyes.

 

"What, Jack?" he inquired.

 

I want you to want me Daniel. Could you?

 

"Nothin'. Give me a minute and I'll be decent!" Jack replied in a singsong voice. Daniel waited in the shower. He suddenly felt very lonely in that small space, already feeling the absence of Jack's physical presence.

 

"Okay, you can come out now!" Jack called. Daniel peeked around the opaque shower screen. The bathroom was empty.

 

"Damn!" he cursed aloud, disappointed. If Jack had offered he might have said yes. He wasn't going to chase him though. Oh no, Daniel wanted Jack to want him. They stood in the kitchen together drinking hot chocolate, both wearing several layers of clothing and still feeling chilled.

 

"I'd turn on the heat, Jack, except Sam said there isn't any."

 

"We could always snuggle up and share body warmth," Jack smiled.

 

Are you playing again or do you mean it?

 

"There are plenty of spare blankets, Jack!" Daniel laughed, assuming he was joking.

 

"If we shared the blankets we would warm up quicker and stay warmer longer!"

 

"What are you hinting at, Jack?"

 

"I didn't think I was hinting, Daniel, I thought I was being obvious." He took a step towards Daniel as the young man backed up against the kitchen counter. He was cornered.

 

"Jack, what is it you want?" Daniel asked quietly.

 

"I want to make love to you, Daniel."

 

He was stunned by Jack's confession. He would never have believed that Jack wanted this, wanted him.

 

"But why?" he blurted, disbelieving in the possibility that Jack could have any real feelings for him.

 

"Because I love you," he said simply.

 

Daniel was speechless and he could only stare at Jack open-mouthed.

 

"But..." he started.

 

Jack didn't give him a chance to go on. Keeping his eyes locked on the younger man he took the cup from Daniel's hand and placed it on the counter behind him, leaning against him as he did so.

 

Daniel gasped at Jack's close proximity, feeling overwhelmed by his physical presence. Jack placed his hands gently on Daniel's cheeks, cupping his face, and raising his lips to his own. He could feel Jack's breath caressing his mouth as he hesitated to kiss him. Looking into his deep brown eyes, Daniel knew he wanted Jack too, but there was still something nagging at the back of his brain.

 

"Wait, Jack," he whispered, thinking if he didn't stop him now he would be lost forever without the answers he needed.

 

"Sorry," Jack stammered, stepping away from him. He looked crestfallen as he glanced away, embarrassed by what he now thought was a huge mistake on his part. He made for the kitchen door as Daniel pulled at his arm.

 

"Jack, you don't understand."

 

"Oh, I think I do. I misjudged the situation badly and you have every right to put my ass in a sling. I'm really sorry."

 

Daniel placed his fingertips lightly against Jack’s lips to silence him. "Jack, listen to me. I need you to answer a question."

 

"What?" he snapped wanting to run back to his room, to be alone again in the dark.

 

"Just answer me this, Jack. Tell me what was going on with you a couple of days ago. What has happened between now and then?"

 

"I was feeling low; I thought it was time I got out. I had a letter from Sarah telling me she's remarried. That news was the icing on the cake," he said ruefully. "I'm a jinx on other people's lives, Daniel, and it just seems to be mayhem and havoc wherever I go. Then I realised with Sarah remarrying that she was out of my life for good, I had lost my connection to Charlie. It was like I had been cut loose from what had anchored me for so many years." He paused, struggling to find the words. "It was like there was nothing left, like I had nothing left."

 

"Then?" prompted Daniel.

 

"And then I discovered you. These last few days have shown me who you really are and that's the man I have fallen in love with." Daniel was touched by his words, moved by his passionate eloquence.

 

"Does this mean you're feeling okay now?"

 

"That depends," Jack replied cryptically.

 

"Jack?"

 

"Look, you're not a substitute for Sarah. For me this is not starting somewhere in the past, it's starting anew. It's like, well, like I've never wanted anyone or anything as much as I want you now."

 

They stood in the doorway of the kitchen, silent, still, like a long moment frozen in time.

 

Daniel needed to think, away from the presence of this intensely emotional place, away from Jack, away from his mind and soul but especially away from his body.

"I need to think, Jack. I'm gonna take a walk."

 

"Daniel it's late, in fact it's nearly dark. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

 

Jack didn't want him to go. He was aroused by the proximity of their bodies and he was also afraid that away from this moment Daniel might decide to reject him. He looked into those brilliant blue eyes and Jack knew he couldn't and shouldn't try to stop him.

 

"Okay," he nodded. "Take as long as you like," he added, lying.

 

-o-

 

Jack watched Daniel out of the window of the living room as he headed in the same direction they had gone earlier. Guessing he was probably going to the rock, he looked at the sky with narrowed eyes. It was still grey and he could feel a level of anxiety creeping up his body from the pit of his stomach. Though the storm was over, it could happen again and Jack wouldn't be there to look out for him. Daniel was better dressed now, wearing warm trousers, a t-shirt, sweater and a red jacket. At least with him wearing red Jack could spot him if anything went wrong.

 

He had to do something with himself; he couldn't just watch and wait so he went into the kitchen, staring at the contents of the fridge. He would make a casserole for supper; he busied himself, chopping, slicing, and peeling. He threw the beef dish into the oven, cleaned up, and went back to the living room window. He couldn't see Daniel; the rock was too far away. He had been gone almost an hour.

 

Jack lay down on the sofa for a while, closed his eyes and willed Daniel to come back soon with a positive answer. How would he feel if the man said no? Like crap probably. But he would have to deal with it. He wasn't going to fall apart again. He would just have to get on with life, moving forward, not looking back.

 

Jack dozed for twenty minutes and woke, resuming his place at the window again. He could just make out a figure wearing red. It was virtually dark outside.

 

"Yeesss!" he hissed, glad to be able to see his friend again.

 

Jack fussed around the kitchen, setting the table, putting out some candles and opening a bottle of wine. This was beginning to feel like a first date and he was nervous.

It was dark now. He rushed to look out of the window again; convinced he'd probably worn a track in the carpet. Daniel was a couple of minutes away as Jack stuck his hands on his hips, dropped his head, and thanked whomever that he was back. He met the younger man at the door.

 

"You all right?" Jack asked anxiously, searching Daniel's face for any clues as to his decision. He smiled at the older man but gave nothing away.

 

"Supper's ready," Jack announced, trying to keep his voice cheery to cover up his nervousness.

 

"This looks great!" he said enthusiastically. They ate, drank wine, laughed, told jokes, reminisced, and talked.

 

They washed the dishes and cleared everything away, going into the living room where Daniel played his Sting CD again, quietly. They slumped together on the sofa, tired and with full stomachs.

 

"That was a wonderful dinner. Where did you learn to cook like that?"

 

"I've moved around the world a lot. I picked up recipes, got to know local chefs. Since Sarah left I've had to get used to all that domestic stuff for myself!"

 

Jack held Daniel's hand, interlacing their fingers. They leaned their heads together and just sat, listening to the music. On the surface, a fly on the wall would have seen a couple on their first date, chaste and unconsummated. Under the surface, however, it was quite a different picture. Jack just wanted to jump Daniel as quickly as possible. Daniel wanted Jack to make the first move all right and he wanted to be persuaded, encouraged, wooed, and seduced. Jack hesitated, unsure of the kind of welcome, if any, he would get.

 

After a while Daniel figured he would have to make the first move after all. He slipped his grip on Jack's hand and nuzzled against him, cupping his hand under the other man's and planting little kisses in the centre of Jack's palm. Daniel traced swirls across his hand and upturned wrist with the tip of his tongue.

 

Jack relaxed against the sofa back and closed his eyes. The sensations Daniel was creating through his hand went straight to his groin. He moaned softly. Daniel moved off the sofa and knelt between Jack's legs, kissing each fingertip slowly, always keeping his eyes on Jack's face. His eyes remained closed as he gave himself up to Daniel's kisses. As Daniel took each of Jack's fingers into his mouth, one at a time, Jack's eyes flew open to look at what the archaeologist was doing. Slowly, seductively, erotically, Daniel sucked each of Jack's fingers, looking at him with an expression in his eyes promising that what he was doing to his fingers Daniel would also do to his cock. Jack's penis twitched at the possibility.

Sitting forward, Jack caught Daniel's face in his hands, drawing his lips to his own. Jack teased him by almost placing his lips on Daniel's but not quite. He traced them with the tip of his tongue and Daniel quivered at his touch. Then Jack kissed Daniel's mouth, urging him to open his lips to give him access. Every nerve in Daniel's body sang. God, his lips feel good, Daniel thought. He planted his hands on the other man's chest and pushed away from him.

 

"Jack?"

 

"Daniel?"

 

"What? What's up?"

 

"Nothing, my knees are aching."

 

"I've got a cure for that," Jack responded, his voice quiet and husky.

 

"Okay," Daniel smiled, "treat me, Doctor Jack!" Jack stood and helped Daniel to his feet.

 

"Your place or mine?" Jack whispered.

 

Daniel took Jack's hand and led him to his bedroom and to his huge roomy bed. Jack flung his arms around Daniel's neck and kissed him hard and then wrapping his arms around the younger man's waist, he pulled Daniel against him, feeling the younger man's quickening erection against his thigh as their kisses intensified. They were passionate hungry kisses, full of suggestion and promise.

 

They pulled at each other's clothes, desperate for skin-on-skin contact. They toppled onto the bed, locked in a hot lustful embrace, stopping their kisses just long enough to breathe.

"Wait up," Jack panted. "Let's slow this a little."

 

Jack moved Daniel onto his back and lay beside him, propped up on one elbow. He touched Daniel's face, tracing his middle finger across the pout of Daniel's lips, and pushed his fingertip against the other man's partly opened mouth. Daniel grasped Jack's hand and drew his finger well into his mouth, sucking hard. Jack's cock jerked again. Moving his other hand around his throat, Jack squeezed gently and Daniel opened his eyes to look at him.

 

Instead of feeling threatened by his grip, Daniel found it intensely arousing. He moaned and arched his back as Jack squeezed his throat just a little tighter and kissed him. Relaxing his grip, Jack rested his hand on Daniel's breastbone. His body wanted the older man desperately and he just wanted him inside his body, fucking him. His balls ached and his nipples were hard and erect. Jack moved his hand across Daniel's chest, squeezing each small nub in turn.

 

"Jack," Daniel murmured. "You make me feel soooooo..." He stopped what he was saying to moan again as Jack suckled his nipples. Grazing his teeth against the younger man's dark pink points he flicked his tongue hard and fast against them.

 

Daniel groped at Jack's chest, struggling to regain enough brain cells to touch and stroke him. He reached down to hold Jack's penis, gripping him tightly, pulling slowly. Jack gasped and fell back against the pillows. Daniel lay across his chest kissing and licking his flesh. Jack groaned loudly, breathing quickly with shallow gasps.

 

"No, Daniel," he said suddenly, stilling Daniel's hand. "I'm so close now, I can't hold back if you do this anymore." Smiling, Daniel let go of him.

 

Running his hand over his abdomen, Jack caressed Daniel with the heel of his hand, increasing the pressure against him, his fingertips brushing lightly against his inner thighs.

"Jack, please don't tease me," Daniel entreated. It was Jack's turn to smile.

 

Jack palmed Daniel's balls, massaging and squeezing gently. Daniel arched his back and lifted his hips in response. Jack's movements were slow and languorous and Daniel pushed against him, his body begging Jack to speed up but he didn't. He moved his fingers to stroke Daniel's perineum and made his body feel like it was on fire. Daniel reached for Jack's penis again but was stopped before he could gain purchase.

 

"Not yet, Daniel, not yet."

 

"When?" Daniel panted in return.

 

"When you promise to do anything I want!" Jack teased.

 

"What do you want, Jack?" Daniel's voice was low and dangerous. Jack's penis jerked and he moaned quietly, Daniel's blue eyes caressing Jack's face as he studied it intently.

 

"What do you want, Jack?" he asked again, finding it hard to string even these few words together.

 

"I want to fuck you senseless," he growled, moving to turn the younger man underneath him. Daniel spread his legs willingly to accommodate Jack's hips and thighs between them.

 

"Yes please, Jack! Fuck me, please," urged Daniel, grabbing his buttocks and pulling him even closer. Lifting his knees and raising his hips, Daniel could feel the head of Jack's cock against him.

 

"I want to slip my fingers inside you, into your ass, Danny," Jack moaned. "But we don't have any lube and I'm not going to hurt you for anything."

 

"There must be something we can use," panted Daniel, raising his head off the pillow to look around him. He spotted a container of baby oil that Sam must have left behind before she and Teal'c went to San Diego. "Over there," Daniel said enthusiastically. "On the dresser, see?"

 

Glancing over his shoulder, Jack saw what Daniel was pointing at and rolling off the bed, he took a couple of steps, grabbed it, and flung himself back beside Daniel. Flipping the cap, Jack poured a little over his fingers and slicked his cock.

 

Slowly, a little at a time, he pushed a finger into Daniel's ass. Daniel's eyes widened and he held his breath as Jack entered him, their eyes locked on each other. Daniel's mouth opened as Jack penetrated and reached high inside him.

 

"Oh god, that feels so good," purred Daniel as he lifted a leg to rest on Jack's shoulder.

 

Gently working and stretching him, Jack slipped in a second finger and Daniel moaned louder.

 

"Fuck me, Jack. Please."

 

"Are you sure you want this? That you want me?" Jack asked.

 

"Yes, I want this and I want you. I always have," gasped Daniel, his eyes hooded with pleasure.

 

Holding his cock, Jack pushed against Daniel slowly, penetrating him an inch at a time. He rested for a moment, allowing Daniel to adjust to his girth and length. Daniel shifted slightly and Jack started to move, piercing him to the core with slow loving movements. He filled and stretched him fully and the younger man cried out with the delicious ache Jack was generating in him.

 

Pushing into him, Jack penetrated him deeply and as he increased his thrust rate Daniel rose to meet him, reaching up to kiss his lips. Jack shifted the angle of his hips to make contact with Daniel's sweet spot and he growled at the exquisite pleasure Jack gave him.

 

"Daniel," Jack panted and pumped hard into him, his strokes becoming shorter and quicker.

 

Reaching down between them, Daniel pulled and stroked at his own cock, his movements fast and lustful.

 

"Jerk off, Daniel, let me see you come. Do it for me, Danny, come for me."

 

Watching Jack's eyes looking straight at him, Daniel masturbated to Jack's pounding rhythm.

 

"Oh god, Jack, I'm coming! Fuck meeeeee!"

 

Jack slammed into him, pressing as hard and as deep as he could. As he made contact with his sweet spot Daniel screamed Jack's name as his orgasm swept over him. At the sight and sound of him, Jack leaped off the cliff and followed him over the edge.

 

They both collapsed, sweating and shuddering as their climaxes waned. Jack moved to withdraw from him but Daniel stopped him.

"I want to keep you close to me for a while longer," he smiled, stroking his back.

 

-o-

 

A few hours later Daniel woke to realise that Jack's relaxed and sleeping form was crushing him. He shook his shoulders to wake him.

"Jack?" he said in a stage whisper. He groaned but did not wake.

 

"Jack!" Daniel said right in his ear and he woke with a start, looking at his lover and smiling.

 

"I need you to move, Jack. When you're asleep you're heavy!"

 

"Oh god, I'm sorry, Daniel," he said, gently moving to lie next to him. Daniel rolled over on his side and pulled his knees up, relieving the ache in his back. Jack stretched out his arm invitingly and Daniel shuffled himself to rest his head on his chest. Jack held him tight and kissed his forehead. Daniel rested his hand on Jack's soft penis, caressing it.

 

"Hey," Jack smiled. "Be careful, that's a loaded weapon once it's been primed!"

 

"Really?" his lover said grinning. "How primed does it need to be?"

 

Daniel laughed and rolled onto him, squeezing his bended knees against Jack's hips. He leaned forward arching his back and offering his nipples to Jack's eager mouth and taking each one in turn he suckled and licked them. Jack's penis was returning to full hardness under him as Daniel rubbed against him, making Jack gasp with pleasure. Daniel raised himself up and sank onto Jack's erection. Jack shouted Daniel's name as he rocked his hips and squeezed his anal muscles around Jack's shaft, as the older man grabbed his hips to support Daniel as he moved on him. Daniel's rhythm was slow and easy to start with but increased as their passion re-ignited. As Daniel rocked Jack moved a hand to stroke his hard cock, mimicking his lover's rhythm.

 

"Ohmigod, Jack, oh fuuckkkkkk!" Daniel climaxed and lost his rhythm completely. Jack held him and rolled them over, still inside him. He was on top of Daniel now, his cock pulsing and engorged. Jack pulled out of him and quickly turned him onto his stomach, moving in between his legs and gripping his hips, Jack raised him to his knees. Jack entered him from behind and fucked him hard and fast. Within a few moments he had climaxed. Daniel flattened himself, spread eagled as Jack lay on top of him. He kissed the back of Daniel's neck and withdrew from him.

 

"Wow!" Daniel said into the pillows. Jack smiled into his neck and moved to stretch out next to him.

 

-o-

 

They woke late the next day and apart from getting up to shower and eat, they spent most of the next day in bed, making love. They tried every position and every angle they could think of. They only stopped when it got dark and they were hungry again.

 

"Sam and Teal'c will be back tomorrow, Jack, and not only will we have to stay in separate beds, we'll have to be at least a mile away from each other!"

 

"Yeah, I know, but that's then and this is now!" he laughed, grabbing Daniel and kissing him hard. "Let me fuck you senseless...again."

 

-o-

 

The End