SLEIGHT OF HAND
"Jack? Have you seen my
bandana?"
"Huh?"
"Y'know, the khaki
green one?"
"What?"
"Jack! You're not
listening."
"Sorry, I had my head
in the locker. What didja say?"
"My bandana, the green
one, I can't find it."
"And, so, but
therefore?"
"I left it here this
morning, on the bench."
"I have no idea,
Daniel."
"No idea where it
is?"
"No idea what you're
talking about."
"Thanks, Jack."
"You're welcome. C'mon,
finish changing, I've got a date with a steak and a beer."
"What about me?"
"Huh? Oh, you can come
too. O'Malley's okay?"
"Sure, Jack, just don't
pig out or else."
"Or else what?"
"Or else you might just
be sleeping by yourself tonight."
"Yeah, right."
"Jaaaack!"
-o-
"Daniel, this is a hot
planet. Why haven't you got anything on your head?"
"I went to get geared
up this morning and I couldn't find my bandana."
"The green one?"
"No, the blue one. I
still haven't found the green one."
"Are you telling me
you've lost two?"
"I haven't lost
them, Jack. I just can't find them."
"Whatever."
"I just can't figure
out what's going on."
"Goin' on?"
"With my
bandanas."
"Or lack of them."
"Exactly."
"What?"
"What?"
-o-
"Jack, something's
going on. I've lost four bandanas this week."
"Thought you said you
didn't lose them, you just couldn't find 'em."
"Yeah, well,
something's not right. Have you got something to do with it, Jack?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, you."
"Nope."
"Don't believe
you."
"I'm hurt."
"Still don't believe
you."
"Are you accusing me of
lying?"
"Well, if the cap
fits."
"I'm not wearing a
cap."
"I know. You're not
wearing anything, which is how I like you best."
"What barefoot and tied
to the kitchen sink?"
"Yes please, oh god,
yes, Jack."
"But you haven't got
any bandanas."
"What?"
"To tie me to the
kitchen sink with."
"Ahhh, never mind. I'll
just pin you against the wall instead."
"Oh god, Danny.
Mmmmmm…aaaah…oh yesssssss."
"Good?"
"Oh yah. Jeeze,
Danny…oh god...fuck me!"
"I intend to. Spread
you legs for me, Jack."
"Daneeeeeeeee!"
-o-
“Hurry up, we're gonna be
late."
"Jack, it's seven
thirty. The cab isn't due until eight fifteen."
"I know, just don't
wanna be late."
"You mean you don't
want to miss anything."
"That too."
"How do I look?"
"Fuck, Danny, that blue
suit works for me."
"Good, now keep your
hands to yourself. I don't want to crease anything."
"I can think of
something that doesn't crease, in fact, it stays straight and hard."
"Stoppit, Jack. You'll
just have to save it for later."
"Sure?"
"Ah huh."
"We've got time for a
quick one."
"What is it with you
and quick ones? You're the one who doesn't want to be late."
"Okay, okay but I'm on
a promise, right?"
"Right."
-o-
"Wanna drink?"
"Thanks, Jack, orange
juice please. Nice party."
"Yeah, I've heard
there's a special guest."
"Tok'ra?"
"I said special,
Danny."
"Who then?"
"Wait and see."
"Jaaack? You know,
don't you?"
"Wait and see."
"Oh my god, it's
Thor."
"Don'tcha just love the
little guy?"
"He's wearing a bow
tie!"
"Looks good though,
huh?"
"And he's got a top
hat."
"Nearly as big as he
is."
"At least he's not
wearing it."
"Hey, give the guy some
credit."
"Now what's he
doing?"
"Listen up and you'll
find out."
Ladies and gentlemen, I
understand that at social functions like this, it is customary to offer an
entertainment. Colonel O'Neill has advised me that magic tricks are a
particular enjoyment on Earth. In the Colonel's words I will now 'go get 'em'.
"A dove? Thor is
pulling a dove out of that hat. I thought it was supposed to be a rabbit."
"Apparently, the Asgard
don't like rabbits, somethin' to do with the transmission of unwanted and
undisciplined ideas."
"What?"
"I dunno, Danny, just
work with me here, okay?"
"Hey! What the
hell?"
"Oh yeah, I don't think
he quite got the concept of pulling a string of knotted silk scarves from the
hat."
"So that's where all my
bandanas went!"
-o-
The end