LIFELINE

 

"Are you sure you're okay?"

 

"I'm fine, Jack."

 

"And those alien personalities are gone?"

 

"The only thing I have left is a headache."

 

"As long as you're sure."

 

"I am. Look, Janet has given me the all clear; I can leave just as soon as I'm ready."

 

"Well, okay then. Have a good weekend, Daniel, I'm outta here."

 

Jack patted Daniel on the back and made for the door of the infirmary. Glancing over his shoulder, he shot a smile at the younger man and disappeared into the hallway. Why did Jack do that? Daniel stared at the space where Jack had been, throwing that smile at him. Daniel and Jack spent their lives together, working together, even living and dying together, eating and showering together, when they were on base that is, and yet for Daniel, that smile was the one thing that was guaranteed to unsettle him and he wasn't exactly sure why.

 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Daniel slipped his watch onto his wrist and, having said goodbye to the nurse on duty, left the infirmary and went back to his office. When he had closed the door, he flopped into his chair and poked at the pile of papers on his desk. He certainly didn't feel like doing any work but he didn't want to go back to his apartment either. Carrying up to twelve different personalities in his head was just a little tiring to say the least. What really bothered him though was that these people were dead; well not dead exactly, he'd a few interesting conversations with some of them but their bodies were dead and when they were removed from his mind, they might cease to exist at all together. Daniel felt very sorry about that although he knew in order for him to regain his own consciousness that meant the loss of theirs.

 

Leaning back, Daniel pursed his lips. He tried to process what had happened to him and now he just felt really guilty. Throughout it all though there was one personality that hadn't surfaced at all, choosing somehow to remain buried so deeply that he and Daniel conducted their own conversations. Getting up, Daniel paced his office for a while and feeling tired, lowered the lights and lay down on the sofa in his office to think.

 

-o-

 

"Are you all right, Daniel?"

 

"Um, no. I can't seem to regain consciousness, it's like I'm hiding or that I'm under anaesthetic or I'm in a dream. I don't understand."

 

"I'm inside your mind, Daniel"

 

"Like Urgo?"

 

"Like Who Go?"

 

"Like Urgo, an artificial intelligence."

 

"No, I'm not an A.I., I'm a real person, you are sharing your mind with me, well my consciousness, the essence of who I am. My body is on the Stromos in stasis, except I think I'm dead."

 

"Do you think I'm on something? Maybe this is the result of a drug of some kind. Maybe I got injured on our last mission and I'm back at the SGC in the infirmary and Janet has given me medication that's affecting my brain, or it could be just a dream."

 

"Perhaps it is a dream, Daniel."

 

"You say you're a real person, so who are you?"

 

"My name is Teegret and I won a lottery to get a place on the Stromos. Something must have gone wrong with the ship and, for whatever reason, I'm now inside your mind."

 

"I don't remember much about what happened. I know I was on a mission and we were counting people; then I heard a sound, saw a bright light, and now I'm here talking to you."

 

-o-

 

Daniel stirred as he dozed, and turning over and coughing, woke himself up. It was 2.35am and getting up, he made coffee. His mind couldn't quite process what he'd experienced with so many personalities in his head. He kept going back to Teegret, aware that his conversation seemed to have taken place in a collection of strange and somewhat illusory environments that held a suggestion of somewhere real in his memory.

 

Daniel remembered seating himself at a small wooden table that reminded him of his primary school; he knew he was in a large room of pristine white with contoured wall decorations like a padded cell. After he'd finished glancing around, he looked across the table and saw a tall thin older man sitting opposite him. He didn't know how this person got into the room; there was no door and he couldn't work out why he hadn't seen him when he'd looked around to begin with. The man had long grey tresses of wavy hair and he wore a beard just on his chin, met by a moustache over his top lip. He had aquiline features and he reminded Daniel of the sculpture of Alexander the Great, only a lot older.

 

"Are you Teegret?"

 

"Yes, Daniel."

 

"Tell me about yourself."

 

"You are obviously a curious man."

 

"Well, yes I am actually, after all, you are sharing my mind. I think I have a right to know something about my roomie, don't you?"

 

"Well, like I said, my name is Teegret and I won a seat on the Stromos when our planet was dying."

 

"What was your planet like? Tell me about your people, your culture?"

 

"We have a supreme leader, the Sovereign. I don't know what he's like; I've never met him, though I do believe he is somewhere else in your mind. His name is Martise. We have a liberal society but disciplined. We are a collective, Daniel. The strong look after the weak."

 

"Do the strong ever look after the strong?"

 

"That I don't know. Perhaps you should ask the Sovereign that question."

 

"No, I think I'll stay here and talk to you. My experience with rulers has not been all that good. What about you? What kind of life do you have?"

 

-o-

 

As the coffee bubbled and shooshed its way through the filter to fill the empty flask, Daniel's attention was drawn back to his office and the question he asked Teegret he asked of himself, about the reality of his own life. What was his life? His family were the other members of SG-1, and friends? They were his friends as well. And a life outside the SGC? Not really. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Daniel sipped his coffee.

 

"My life has been wonderful, Daniel, especially with Zen."

 

"Zen?"

 

"Zenchay, my life partner, my best friend, my lover, my everything."

 

"Do you have children? Teegret, why are you laughing?"

 

"We didn't have children, that was impossible."

 

"Why?"

 

"Zen was a man, like me."

 

"Was?"

 

"He died a while ago and I miss him very much."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be, we had many, many cycles together."

 

"Um...that means...you're gay?"

 

"What's gay?"

 

"You're a man and you loved a man. In my culture that makes you gay."

 

"Well, I don't know about your culture, Daniel but in mine we were known as life partners. Men and women are free to choose and to change. Partners are interchangeable as we believe our sexuality is not fixed."

 

"There is an argument for that in my culture too but the pairing of men and women is the norm here, same sex relationships aren't."

 

"Do you live in a totalitarian society, Daniel?"

 

"No, in this country we live in a democracy."

 

"So, why are same sex relationships not part of your democracy?"

 

"They are, just not in the same way as your society."

 

"Do you have anyone special, Daniel?"

 

"No. I used to, Sha're was my wife until my friend, Teal'c killed her."

 

"That sounds complicated."

 

"It's a long story."

 

"I'm not going anywhere."

 

-o-

 

A gay alien had inhabited Daniel's mind. Smiling, he was glad that his life could never be considered boring. Ever since that fateful lecture when Catherine had introduced herself, Daniel's life had been a roller coaster of a ride, and who had always been there, riding it with him? Jack, of course. Everything always came back to Jack O'Neill and Daniel's conversations with Teegret focussed his thinking. Daniel saw himself in another room, this time of stone. There was nothing in the room at all except an illuminated circle on the floor.

 

"Tell me about Jack?"

 

"Jack? What made you ask about Jack?"

 

"He's on your mind a lot. He's a hard man to ignore."

 

"Oh yes, he is that. He's my friend, my best friend."

 

"As Zen was mine?"

 

"No! I'm straight and so is Jack."

 

"Straight?"

 

"Heterosexual, men exclusively loving women."

 

"Don't you love both men and women?"

 

"Some do but our society has pretty clear boundaries about what is normal and this changing and choosing is frowned on."

 

"And you agree with this?"

 

"No, of course I don't, but you have to agree men and women need to get together in order to produce offspring."

 

"I know that but are you telling me you go down the biological determinism route?"

 

"Not entirely, no, but you can't deny that it takes two to make a baby and two of the opposite sex."

 

"Of course but that doesn't mean to say that your heart and mind have to be ruled by genes and hormones does it? In the end, Daniel, all any individual wants is to love and be loved."

 

"I agree, but for some people that can only ever happen in an opposite sex arrangement. Some find the idea of same sex...sex abhorrent."

 

"That's because they haven't tried it!"

 

-o-

 

When Daniel awoke it was nearly 10am. Gathering up some files, he locked his office and made for the elevator. It was Saturday morning and the weekend. He needed to get back to his place and…he didn't know why he needed to get back, but it seemed a logical thing to do.

 

"So, this Will and Grace? They live together but they don't have sex?"

 

"No, she's after a man and Will's after a...man. Never mind, perhaps that wasn't a very good example of the kinds of relationships people have.”

 

"I'm interested in the kind of relationship you have with Jack."

 

"Really? We're just friends, Teegret, there's nothing very interesting about it."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Sure about what?"

 

" Your feelings for Jack. Are you sure they're just best friend feelings?"

 

"Of course. Look, it's me that was asking you questions. How come you're the one that's giving me the third degree?"

 

"I think there are things we have in common, Daniel, that's why?"

 

"What things?"

 

"Being a man and loving a man."

 

"No, that's you and Zen, not me and Jack."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

-o-

 

Daniel picked up his mail and closed his front door. A few minutes later he was sitting at his kitchen table, drinking coffee and sorting the junk mail from the rest. The pile of junk was much bigger than the serious correspondence. Suddenly the place felt stuffy. Walking through to the living room, Daniel opened the doors to his balcony and stood outside, coffee cup in hand. As his eyes followed the view they turned towards a certain part of town, the part where Jack lived. The conversations that he'd had with Teegret were still fresh in his mind; so fresh that it felt like the alien was still with him. Daniel still couldn't figure out why they had spent so much time talking about Jack.

 

"What's he like?"

 

"Jack? He's a hard-ass colonel in the United States Air Force."

 

"You've told me what he does, not what he's like."

 

"He's awkward, argumentative, authoritative, annoying..."

 

"And that's just the A's. You sound like you're going to work your way through your alphabet."

 

"How long have you got, Teegret?"

 

-o-

 

Smiling, Daniel thought that the alphabet game with Teegret was probably unfair to Jack. All the words that he'd used were negative and he knew that Jack had a lot going for him; he was affable, amiable, able, and attractive. Well, Daniel figured he was attractive, women probably thought he was anyway, but men did not think of their male friends in terms of attractiveness. The word had connotations of something other than a neutral meaning; it suggested interest of a sexual nature.

 

Daniel began to relax as the sun warmed his body. He might go to the movies later and lose himself in some kind of outrageous pulp wallpaper fiction, something that would take his mind off...Jack.

 

"Lying to yourself again?"

 

"What?"

 

"Daniel, Daniel. If I know you're lying to yourself, you must know it too."

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I've always considered myself to be an honest person and I resent what you're implying."

 

"You keep telling me Jack is your friend..."

 

"Best friend."

 

"Yes, best friend. I think you're using that as a subterfuge. You are being dishonest, hiding behind the best friend label when your feelings are different. You're lying to yourself, Daniel."

 

"I am not! I don't make friends easily, and to consider Jack as my friend is really important to me, and to him I think."

 

"I'm not devaluing your sentiments, I'm just saying there's an element of dishonesty in them."

 

"You're wrong, you know. Jack and I are friends. We care about each other. Our lives are not exactly risk free and friendship is a safety factor too."

 

"I accept that what you are saying is important but why can't you consider the possibility that your feelings for Jack transcend those barriers that your society considers 'normal'?"

 

"You mean I should be gay instead?"

 

"It's not an either or, Daniel. To put it in your vernacular, why can't you have your cake and eat it too? You can be straight and gay."

 

-o-

 

Daniel had spent the whole of his adult life categorising, indexing and pigeonholing, and even that habit had meant he'd developed some radical theories. He'd bucked his own academic indoctrination even then. With the work he did now trying to put things into nice neat compartments could be fatal. So was Teegret right? Should he even consider the remotest possibility that he could be gay? What if he was? What if he started to look at Jack differently? Was he being dishonest when he said Jack was his best friend and nothing else? Even if he could think through and process a change of view, Jack certainly couldn't.

 

"How can you be so sure, Daniel?"

 

"Because I know Jack. There is no way he would even think about it."

 

"Well, you know there is a process attached to people's change of thinking. Firstly, there is the unthinkable. Start thinking about it and it becomes thinkable. Although it is now thinkable, you may consider your idea un-sayable. Say it and it becomes sayable. Talking about it, saying it does not mean it is do-able. You have to do it to make it real, Daniel. It's just a matter of following the process."

 

"You make it sound so easy but you haven't said what happens to the process when it meets resistance, like in the shape of one Jack O'Neill."

 

"It's not a one way process."

 

"You mean it takes two to tango."

 

"We call it making love but you obviously have a different expression and two to tango seems to fit."

 

"It's a euphemism, Teegret."

 

"I know it isn't always possible to predict the outcome of any course of action and sometimes you have to rely on your intuition. What does it tell you about Jack?"

"He could punch me in the nose, laugh at me, ignore me or hate me."

 

"All negatives, Daniel. What about the positives"

 

"He's a fair man, Teegret. Whatever else he might be, he's fair."

 

"Why don't you approach your conundrum on the basis that you will get a fair response?"

 

"Hmmm, except he might shoot me."

 

-o-

 

It was 1am and Daniel had been out of the SCG infirmary for over 24 hours. Any thinking about a different kind of relationship with Jack meant a physical one. Daniel smiled in the dark and quiet of his bedroom when he thought about just how tactile Jack was; patting people on the back, touching their arms, but no one ever touched him. Was that about his rank?

 

Knowing underneath it all that Jack was an intensely private man, Daniel considered that it might have something to do with it. Jack never touched Sam so maybe it was to do with being in the military, except that he touched Teal'c. Odd, Daniel thought, but interesting.

 

Daniel hadn't had a relationship since Sha're, except for Kera, and that didn't really count, as they hadn't 'done anything'. Instead, when he felt the need, he just relieved his sexual tension through masturbation and a gallery of female images. More recently his fantasies had changed to Daniel and two women with him as the centre of their universes. He wondered if he could change the channel and include a man with just one woman as the locus for his climaxes.

 

He and another man, servicing one woman, Daniel liked the sound of that and as his cock thickened and grew to full erection, his fantasy played out in his head. He and a faceless, nameless man and the perfect voluptuous woman, and now Daniel found he could instruct the man to follow his own desires.

 

"Touch her there, suck her nipples, touch my cock."

 

Daniel imagined that his hand pulling and stroking his dick was that of the other man in his fantasy. Excited by the possibility, Daniel orgasmed hard and fast and as he lay back, his heart still beating like a tom-tom in his chest, he found he was okay about it. The unthinkable had just become thinkable.

 

"Of course, what you're suggesting is completely impossible."

 

"And why is that, Daniel?"

 

"The military does not allow same sex relationships. Jack would have to give up his career and his pension. It just won't happen."

 

"Things change, don't they? Even your military will change its attitudes eventually."

 

"Maybe, but it's unlikely to happen before Jack retires from his commission and he would never jeopardise his job in that way."

 

"Ever heard of working around problems, looking for other options?"

 

"Oh yeah, I do that a lot."

 

-o-

 

When Daniel woke on Sunday morning, his thoughts were still focussed on the night before and the fantasy of another man. Puzzled, he couldn't quite work out what had happened to his fantasy woman though. When his imagination had given full reign to the masculine body at his side, she had vanished.

 

"Just supposing there were other options to explore, Daniel, what would you do?"

 

"I don't know whether I should do anything. Jack would kill me if he knew we were even having this conversation."

 

"How do you know that?"

 

"I know Jack."

 

"Do you? I mean do you really? You think you do but in my experience it takes a lifetime of intimacy to really know someone."

 

"Maybe."

 

"So, you're happy to live out your life as a lie then?"

 

"That's not fair."

 

"It's not fair but it's true."

 

"So, when you met Zen, did you know what to do?"

 

"Oh, I never doubted my choice, Daniel."

 

"I meant about sex. Did you...I mean was it...?"

 

"Don't worry, Daniel, in a loving relationship, anything is possible."

 

"Did it hurt?"

 

"To begin with but it passed quickly and became the most intense and pleasurable experience."

 

-o-

 

That night, Daniel put his papers on the nightstand and switched out the light. He was still thinking about sex and gay sex to be precise. The inevitability of penetration made him think about anal intercourse and the more he thought, the more nervous he became.

 

"A vagina is built for penetration, that's what it's there for, it's perfectly designed for just that function and it even comes with its own lubrication system, but the ass? It's small, tight and dry; taking a full size erect penis must be painful. Although if that was the case millions of gay men all over the world would only do it once, so unless they're all masochists, there must be more to it than I figured. I need to do some research and find out more about it."

 

With that, Daniel got out of bed and fired up his laptop to search the Internet.

 

"How did you meet Zen?"

 

"We used to go to the park once a week and listen to an orchestra. We met there. We both loved music and for many cycles we would listen to the music and enjoy a pleasant dinner afterwards. Zen's partner was Mettek and we talked about the three of us being together."

 

"And Mettek was...?"

 

"Mettek was Zen's female partner."

 

"And you were seriously thinking about a ménage a trios?"

 

"What's that?"

 

"To live as a three person household and share the same bed."

 

"We thought about it a lot but Mettek wanted Yesta so she left. Zen moved in with me and for a long time we didn't have full sex. We took our time, explored each other, loved one another until we were ready."

 

"So, you took a loooooong time then?"

 

-o-

 

Daniel spent most of Sunday surfing the net, researching gay sex. He found <http://www.squidge.org/~minotaur/mqa/index.html> particularly helpful, it was open honest and had pictures. In fact he was astounded by how much information there was in cyberspace and by the end of the day he felt just a little more confident than he had when he woke up that morning. He'd found more gay pornography than he thought possible and there was one video file he'd discovered that he found really helpful. It was a movie called Out of Athens. Most of it was average stuff, things he would never do if his life depended on it, and some things he could only do if he knew a football team. There was one part of it however, that really focussed his attention and that was a scene between two men who demonstrated that gay sex could be loving, caring, and highly erotic. He knew they were acting but the sex was real and it taught him a lot about technique and positions. Downloading the file he clicked on save and shut down the computer.

 

By the time he crawled into bed Daniel was as hard as nails and he knew there was no way he could sleep until he'd taken care of his erect and straining cock. He was ready to indulge himself in a new fantasy, one which featured just him and another man but who? The answer was easy; it would be Jack.

 

"How did you broach the subject of you and Zen getting together?"

 

"We spent many cycles meeting in the park for the concerts, we got to know each other very well and we had so much in common and that helped."

 

"Well, there's no chance for me and Jack then. We have absolutely nothing in common."

 

"Opposites attract as well, Daniel, don't forget that."

 

"I guess so. How did you finally get Zen in your bed?"

 

"Like I said, we talked and one night I took Zen to dinner at my place and seduced him, well as far as we wanted to go anyway. We kissed and touched and caressed and held each other. It was wonderful."

 

"Really?"

 

"Really."

 

-o-

 

Daniel looked at his watch again and wondered whether or not he should and then Jack appeared at his office door.

 

"Hey."

 

"Hey, Jack."

 

"Watcha doin'?"

 

"A translation for SG-12. I'm guessing you're supposed to be doing paperwork."

 

"Yep."

 

"Then why aren't you?"

 

"I was wondering if you wanted coffee or pie or something."

 

"I really need to get this finished, sorry but..."

 

"But what?"

 

"Nothing, it's okay, it can wait."

 

"Daniel?"

 

Daniel bit his lower lip and stared at his file, open on his desk. Jack was standing so close to him and yet he was so far away, untouchable and impregnable. Then something made him say it, he wasn't going to, and it just came out of his mouth without his permission.

 

"I need to talk to you, Jack."

 

"Sure."

 

"Not here though, not on base."

 

"What's up?" Jack asked as he picked up a small artefact from one of the shelves behind Daniel. Turning it in his hands he wondered whether Daniel might have some earth shattering news that might just turn his life upside down. Daniel had a habit of doing that, usually when he was dead.

 

"Can we meet after work?"

 

"Sure thing. I'll meet you at the elevator in about thirty minutes?"

 

Nodding, Daniel watched Jack leave his office and he was all ready mentally shooting himself, he might as well save Jack the trouble of doing it himself.

 

Twenty-nine minutes later, Daniel was waiting at the elevator, nervous and agitated. This was such a bad idea; maybe he should give Jack a rain check and run now before it was too late.

 

"Ready?"

 

Damn! There was Jack and now it was definitely too late. Daniel had decided in a weak moment after watching Out of Athens yet again, that he would see if he could get Jack to think the unthinkable, and now, faced with the chance to do that, Daniel was feeling distinctly unsure of what to do.

 

As they rode the elevator to the parking lot, Jack glanced at Daniel and noticed a shimmer of perspiration on his top lip.

 

"You feeling okay?"

 

"I'm fine, Jack."

 

As soon as Jack heard the word fine he knew there was something up. Daniel went into his familiar self-hug pose and Jack became uneasy about his friend. How many times had he seen Daniel like this? People thought that Jack never noticed anything but he did, especially where Daniel was concerned. Not wanting to pursue the issue on base, Jack would wait until they were somewhere else.

 

"Where d'ya wanna go, Daniel?"

 

"I...I don't mind, I hadn't thought..."

 

"There's a new Italian place that's just opened on..."

 

"No, we can go to my place. I'll fix something there."

 

Jack nodded and said no more about it for the time being. Grimacing, he just knew something nasty was going to happen, like Daniel resigning or wanting a transfer, he just knew it.

 

"What would you have done if Zen had decided to remain straight?"

 

"I'm not sure, Daniel. I just didn't think it would be an issue. As I said previously, our relationships, and how we choose to conduct them, are quite open. We accept that our preferences will change according to who we want to be with."

 

"I don't think you appreciate just how hard it is to throw away a lifetime's conditioning."

 

"No, you're probably right, I don't. I'm sorry though that things here are so much harder for you."

 

"You have no idea."

 

-o-

 

After Daniel had let them into the apartment, he headed straight for the kitchen to make coffee and to search through the freezer for something he could cook. Apart from a pizza, lasagne, and a very old half used bag of broccoli, there was nothing much at all.

 

"Maybe this is a bad idea, Jack. Perhaps we could do this another time."

 

Frowning, Jack could see just how jumpy Daniel was and he had waited for some kind of clue as to what was going on but the younger man gave nothing away.

 

"What's the matter, Daniel?" Jack asked quietly.

 

"It's nothing. I thought it was something but I was wrong."

 

"What?" Jack held out his hands and shrugged his shoulders. This was going to be like pulling teeth.

 

"I had a thought about something and now I've changed my mind. Maybe we should try that new Italian place after all."

 

"I'm not going anywhere until you explain yourself. What the heck's buggin' ya?"

 

It was now or never, sink or swim, all or nothing, dead or alive, Daniel would never get another chance.

 

"It's personal, Jack."

 

"And...so...but...therefore?"

 

"It's very personal and you have to promise not to shoot me or beat the crap outta me."

 

"As if I would. For cryin' out loud, Danny, spill before you explode!"

 

"Can I trust you?"

 

"You have to ask that? You know you can."

 

"I think you need a drink."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Let's go into the living room, I need you to sit down first."

 

By now, the hair on the back of Jack's neck was bristling and whatever Daniel had to say, the older man wasn't sure if he was ready for it.

 

With his hand shaking, Daniel passed Jack a very large measure of whisky as he settled himself on the sofa opposite the large armchair that was his friend's usual seat.

Taking a deep breath, Daniel bolted his drink and stared at Jack until the older man sat forward with baited breath, waiting for the younger man to drop the bombshell.

 

"I need you to think the unthinkable."

 

Jack's eyebrows did a mach seven to his hairline.

 

"What? What!"

 

Pursing his lips, Daniel got up off the sofa and reached for the bottle of whisky, replenishing his glass to the very top.

 

"Whoa! Danny, that's a lot of whisky you've got there."

 

"Wanna join me?" Daniel asked, waving the bottle of Jack Daniels at his friend.

 

"Sure but don't forget I'm driving. If I have too much of this stuff I'll have to stay over."

 

Immediately Daniel filled Jack's glass and stood over him, waiting for him to drink it so that he could refill it.

 

"Danny? Why don'tcha sit down and tell me what this is all about?"

 

"If you don't do the un-doable, Daniel, you will never know."

 

"I appreciate what you're saying, Teegret, and thank you, but I just think it would be a huge mistake. Maybe I should just leave things the way they are and before you say anything else, I know I'll be living a lie but that's better that than living without him. Can you understand that?"

 

"I suppose so, but a lifetime is a long while to be living with deceit and dishonesty. At least if you talk to Jack he might make the decision for you one way or another and at least you can be content with knowing."

 

"Or dead when he kills me."

 

-o-

 

"So what's this unthinkable thing you want me to think about?"

 

"Have you ever had feelings for another man?"

 

"Feelings? What kinda feelings?"

 

"Sexual feelings, of a sexual kind, about sex."

 

"Okay I get the picture, wide screen, thanks very much. Why are you asking me this?"

 

"Can you just answer the question, Jack? Please?"

 

"Well, I...I'd have to think about that."

 

Daniel sucked on his lower lip and looking down at his feet, wished a hole would open up and swallow him, now.

 

"I need to know what prompted your question, Daniel?" Jack asked, his voice soft but serious.

 

"I've got this friend you see and he and I were talking the other day and he was saying that he was gay and telling me about his partner and I just wondered if you..."

 

"Hold up there a minute. Friend? What friend?"

 

"That's not important, I just need to know."

 

"Okay, if you must know, yes I have."

 

"You have? You've had thoughts about another man?"

 

"Well yeah, it happens and don't look so surprised."

 

Daniel sat down, still staring at the tall lean man opposite. The unthinkable had actually been thought already. This might not be as bad as he thought. If only Daniel could get to second base and say the un-sayable.

 

"I've been around, seen the world, seen things, done stuff, yadda. I'd call myself a man of the world, as well as several other galaxies, so what is it? You need advice?"

 

"Um...yes, yes that's it, I need advice."

 

"About what?"

 

Daniel rolled his eyes, perhaps second base was further away than he'd realised.

 

"I know this man and I don't know what to do."

 

"You mean you haven't told him yet?"

 

"Well, no, actually I haven't."

 

"Well tell him, then. Honestly, Daniel, for someone with as many degrees as you have, I would have expected you to have said something by now."

 

"I've been too nervous. I'm afraid if I tell him he'll punch me on the nose or shoot me." As Daniel spoke the word 'shoot me' he trained his eyes on Jack's and held his deep brown eyes in the hope that he might get the hint and save Daniel from having to explain anything more.

 

"Shoot you? Whaddya mean, he'll shoot you? Is he some kind of crazy person or what?"

 

"Some people think he's crazy, yes but I don't. I know he's crazy," Daniel said, giving Jack his brightest smile.

 

"You can win him over, Daniel; I have great faith in you."

 

"Thank you Teegret, I wish I had the same faith in myself."

 

"Is Jack important to you?"

 

"You know he is."

 

"Well then, you'll be just fine and if he shoots you, you can blame me."

 

"And who do we blame if he shoots both of us?"

 

-o-

 

"Daniel, let me get somethin' straight. Are you saying you want to have a gay relationship with someone who doesn't know that you do and who may shoot you?"

 

"Yes, Jack, that's what I'm saying."

 

"Huh."

 

"What?"

 

"I thought it was...never mind. So tell me about this guy. Who is he? Where'dja meet him? What's he like?"

 

Daniel had been dreading this. Now what was he supposed to do? Lie and make up some non-existent person to satisfy Jack's curiosity or just keep ploughing the furrow until Jack understood? Daniel decided that he was not going to lie but that he wasn't going to come straight out with it either. He would try for another option.

 

"He's older than me, tall, very handsome and has an acerbic sense of humour. He's very good at his job and he's in a very senior position where he works."

 

"Really? Sounds like a nice guy."

 

Daniel thought he picked up a hint of disappointment in Jack's voice but it was probably his imagination or the whisky, of which he'd had plenty. Now he was wishing he hadn't.

"He wouldn't really shoot you, would he?"

 

"Probably not but he'd think about it."

 

"So he's into thinking the thinkable then?"

 

"Something like that, yes."

 

"Anything else you wanna tell me about him?"

 

"He's very well travelled," Daniel added and held Jack's gaze again. Surely Jack couldn't be this dense?

 

"Daniel? Is it...?" Jack faltered and looking at his watch, glanced quickly at Daniel. "Is it time to eat yet? Let's not bother going out. I've just gotten comfortable and I've had far too much to drink. How about we share that frozen pizza?"

 

"Okay, whatever."

 

"Food helps, Daniel. It's a nice sociable thing to do, sharing food. You should take him to a fine restaurant and wine and dine him."

 

"I could do that. If it all went wrong it would be just two good friends going to dinner."

 

"Yes and it's harder to shoot someone in a restaurant when you've got a full stomach and a fine wine under your belt."

 

"He'd just shoot me from under the table, Teegret."

 

-o-

 

After they'd finished eating, Daniel switched on the TV and surfed the channels. As he did so, there was a flash of naked bodies and the sound of deep breathing.

 

"Hey! Switch it back," Jack insisted. "That looked like a blue movie."

 

Daniel did as Jack asked and the two of them stared at the screen. It was Six Feet Under and they watched, mouths open, as another man was fucking one of the male characters against his car in a deserted nighttime parking lot.

 

As the plot moved on, Daniel took the remote and the screen went black.

 

"That was interesting," he murmured, as much to himself as to Jack.

 

"It was kinda hot don'tcha think?"

 

"It was," Daniel said clearing his throat nervously as he prayed his erection would subside as quickly as possible.

 

"So, this guy that you're interested in. What's his name?"

 

Oh god, what the hell was Daniel going to say now? He had to carry on with his own option and hope that Jack eventually got the message, if not he'd just have to tell him to his face.

"He's got an Irish name, actually."

 

"Wow, like mine."

 

"Yes." Daniel emphasised the word. He couldn't believe that Jack hadn't guessed yet.

 

"Daniel? Do I know this guy?"

 

"I should hope so."

 

"Is it...is it me?"

 

At last! The un-sayable had been said.

 

"Yes, it's you, Jack. Are you going to shoot me?"

 

"Why would I want to do that?"

 

"Because you're straight and I'm straight and this is a very awkward situation for both of us. I'm sorry, Jack, I shouldn't have said anything. I've embarrassed you and myself. I'll understand if you want me to leave the SGC, I wouldn't blame you in the least."

 

"Just stop right there. One, I'm not embarrassed, two, I don't want you to leave and three, I've had the same feelings about you."

 

"You have...you have?"

 

"Yes, but I never said anything because I thought you might be mad at me."

 

"Me? Mad at you? I thought you were going to shoot me."

 

"Why do you keep fixating on that, Daniel?"

 

Daniel just shook his head and laughed.

 

"So, what happens next? What do you want to do?"

 

"I've been doing some research into gay sex," Daniel offered enthusiastically.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I haven't got a clue and I'm guessing you don't either."

 

"Well that's where you're wrong, Doctor Jackson. Ha, I know something you don't!" Jack sang out teasingly.

 

Getting up, Jack crossed the small distance to where Daniel was standing and put his hands gently on the younger man's shoulders.

 

"It's okay, Daniel, I know what to do."

 

"You do? How come?"

 

"Like I said, I've been around."

 

"Do you mind watching something with me? It will show you how I feel and what I think I'd like to do."

 

Daniel led Jack to his bedroom and set up the laptop and then he played the excerpt from Out of Athens. All the while as they watched, they sat together on the bed, the older man gently stroking Daniel and as he became more aroused Jack tentatively touched the younger man's cock, looking at him to check he was all right with it. He was, moaning softly and shifting his position to push up into Jack's contact.

 

"Danny, we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

 

"I know. I'll tell you if I don't but right now I'll do whatever you want."

 

"Fuck, you have no idea what you do to me when you say things like that."

 

"Kiss me, Jack. I want to know what it feels like to be kissed by a man."

 

Jack thought he'd died and gone to heaven when he heard Daniel's request and holding the younger man's face in his hands, Jack brushed his lips slowly across Daniel's, wanting to take things slow and easy, but Daniel made it quite clear he wanted fast and furious.

 

Within moments, they were lying on the bed grappling with each other's clothes and it became a race as to who could naked the fastest. Jack covered Daniel's body and rubbed against him until the younger man was gasping for breath. Reaching down between them, Jack took Daniel's aching cock and began to stroke it. The reaction he got was more than he could have ever hoped for and taking his own cock to join Daniel's, Jack held them together in his fist and pulled at them.

 

"Jack, I think I'm gonna..."

 

"Me, too."

 

"You see, Daniel, if you don't take a leap of faith you will never know just how good it can be."

 

He had a pretty good idea now…

 

-o-

 

The End