CLOSE SHAVE

 

I get very close and personal with Jack, every morning and sometimes more often than that. He holds my handle snugly in his palm, running his fingers up and down my shaft. I glide across his soap-slicked skin, making it smooth and clean with my blade.

 

We have a very good relationship, Jack and me. I give him what he wants and he looks after me, keeping me clean and sharp. Every morning when I watch him in the mirror I can see his beautiful dark brown eyes staring back at me. I look forward to our early morning tête-à-têtes, they're good times for both of us, most especially when he caresses my body, grips me firmly in those expressive fingers and draws me slowly across his flesh. God, I love him so much.

 

A few days ago things began to change. When he slid me across that luscious skin he started humming. Yep, that's right, humming! Whatever the noise was, it was pretty tuneless but it doesn't matter, my Jack seems to be a happier and more contented man than he's ever been. Something has obviously happened to change him but I can't figure out what it is. He has conversations with me and much as I want to answer I have to keep quiet, wouldn't want him freaking out as the result of a talking razor, though when he's gone I do get to speak to Shaving Cream, like this morning.

 

"SC? Have you noticed something different about Jack?"

 

"Yeah, he doesn't shake me up quite so vigorously, which is great cos that little ball was giving me a headache and making my insides churn."

 

"He's happy!"

 

"He is and when he spreads me across his face do you notice how he closes his eyes, like his brain is somewhere else?"

 

"Especially when he talks to himself. Who or what is this Danny? Any ideas?"

 

"Nope but I'll tell ya somethin', whoever or whatever, Jack is obsessed with it. He keeps etching a D into my cream and admiring it in the mirror. Do you think he's gone a little loopy these days?"

 

"Possibly..."

 

-o-

 

Its only ten hours later and believe it or not, he's shaving again! This is so not like him. Normally, when Jack gets home from work he slumps in the chair and watches TV. He never takes me out in the evening, we have a strictly morning relationship but here we are, him and me doing that ritual of getting ready for something special. It doesn't happen very often, so everyone in the bathroom is on red alert for when Jack is getting ready to go out.

 

Except tonight, he's not going out. I've heard from Living Room Central and Bedroom Control that he's preparing to entertain, otherwise, why would he have changed the bed linens and put a bottle of wine on ice? According to general intel and my own sources bear this out, Jack has been doing housework chores for most of the day, not that unusual for him, he's military after all, and Spick and Span tell me they've been worked off their feet. Interestingly, I've heard that Jack's given special attention to the bedroom and I know he's spent a lot of time here in the bathroom too.

 

He's bought some new, especially fluffy towels and a hand mirror and I can tell you, what he did with me and the hand mirror was very different from his usual grooming regime! For the first time in my very long life, I got to shave a part of Jack that very few have ever seen before. I had to be on my best behaviour, gentle and careful, which of course I was, I'd do anything for him, anywhere, anytime.

 

"SC?"

 

"What?"

 

"Are you feeling okay?"

 

"I'm not sure, Razor. I've just been spread in a place where no shaving cream should ever go."

 

"Tell me about it, I followed you, don't forget."

 

"Yeah, well..."

 

"So, any ideas?"

 

"About what, Razor?"

 

"About what this is all about, that's what."

 

"Except that Jack has taken to shaving places that are just too rude for words, I have no idea."

 

"It's not rude, SC! We are here to serve, remember?"

 

"Whatever."

 

"Hey, its Jack, with someone else in tow. This is interesting!

 

"Humph!"

 

"Oh for cryin' out loud, SC, don't be so grumpy. Ahh, look! Don'tcha just love it when Jack takes off all his clothes? Oooooh he's just so...well, so shaveable."

 

"And whoever or whatever is with him, is doing the same. What's with all the nakedness?"

 

"Shhh. They're...I'm not sure what they're doing actually. SC? What are they doing?"

 

"Shaving each other's lips?"

 

"Hardly. You haven't produced any cream yet. No, this is very unusual."

 

"Tell me about it!"

 

"The other one, that's Danny."

 

"Oh yeah, you're right. That's a pretty basic deduction though, Razor, Jack keeps repeating it and even I figured that one out."

 

"Oh my god! He's bending over and watch out SC, you're in for it now!"

 

"Dunno about that but I know I'm in it alright."

 

"Whoa! Watch out, it's my turn. Ooooh, never shaved a Danny before...now what are they doing?"

 

"Looks like serious business, with all that face sucking and what does Jack call it?"

 

"Ass kissing?"

 

"But that's what he says when he gets home from work after a bad day. Now what?"

 

"Jack seems intent on examining the area we've just shaved, at very close quarters."

 

"Did you see that?"

 

"I did but it's disappeared up inside...oh!"

 

"SC? Jack seems very happy."

 

"Yeah and so is the Danny. Look out, they're moving over each other's skin and there isn't a squirt of cream in sight...oh!"

 

-o-

 

The End