I was never in the Military due to vision problems. Which is just as well, because I might have been drafted and sent to VIETNAM. I lost three NORTHEAST buddies to that war. When you learn that one of your friends has been killed, it sure doesn't feel good.
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WORK HISTORY:
My work experience includes: AVIATION, ELECTRONICS, INSURANCE, POLICE & SECURITY, POSTAL WORKER, RESTAURANT MANAGEMENT and SALES.
I've also tried to start several businesses. I even tried to get into the Sports Memorabilia market years ago, but I had a sports auction in SPRINGFIELD, MISSOURI that was deliberately ruined. I pretty much lost everything. THE SPRINGFIELD-NEWSLEADER wrote a nice article and put it on the front page of the Sports section. Unfortunately, it was based upon what they thought they saw and hearsay. It isn't that the article was false, but it was very misleading. I tried to get the MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL to do something about it, but I guess I waited too long. The problem is that the news article will continue in perpetuity. It will be read by historians a hundred years and more in the future. The same lie will continue throughout history.
Getting back to my work experience. The only times that are really worth talking about are when I was a Security Guard. I guarded many places. One time I guarded a place that had a lot of doughnuts. Having a security guard protect your pastries is like having a fox guard your hen house from the inside. But, I resisted temptation and did not touch a single dougnut. If you ever get a box of doughnuts and find that one of them has a bite taken out of it; well, I think you can figure it out.
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I spent some time guarding the old KANSAS CITY MUNICIPAL AIRPORT during the Midnight hours. I used to drive this airport truck with a yellow light on top when making my rounds. I though it was cool running around with that little light flashing. But, it was important, because people could see you at night, especially aircraft. You know, if a plane crashes into your truck, it can ruin your whole night. I remember one time I was at the far end of the runway driving across a little rise. All of a sudden it was instant daylight. For a second, I thought JESUS was coming back. Then, just as quickly, it was dark again. I heard a noise, looked to my left and saw a plane landing. I had been caught in the landing lights of the plane. From then on, I always checked for incoming planes before I crossed that little rise. There really wasn't much danger in getting hit, but I didn't want to get lit up like that again. It's kind of a weird feeling.
I checked the water stick when it rained because the MISSOURI RIVER can rise rather quickly. If the water was too high, I'd have to tell the guy in the tower. With the runway flooding up, he'd have to direct planes to land other places. Unless of course, they had water skis on their landing gear. I've seen planes parked at the North end of the runway with water half way up their landing gear.
I used to check buildings and hangars etc., to make sure things were okay. No so much for burglars, but to check for any fires. If that aviation fuel ever got lit up, I'd have gotten lit up. There was one cold November night when I went in and checked this one particular hangar. It had a LEAR jet and a MERCEDES car in there. I had to make sure they were still there. Anyway, it had been raining quite a bit and there were puddles of water all over the concrete floor. the hangar had several ceiling lights which were left on all night. Water would drip all over the roof and hit these puddles which caused the light reflections in the puddles to flicker and shimmer giving eerie optical effects. Then, there was the sound of the water dripping everywhere from the metal building and roof. Not only that, but the AMERICAN FLAG would flap in the breeze and the chain (instead of a rope) would clank against the metal flagpole. So then, it all started at once. Drip, drip! Flicker, flicker! Flap, flap! clank, clank! It started to get spooky and I looked around to see where they wanted a new door in the hangar as I was getting a little spooked. I put my hand on my revolver, but then I realized it wouldn't do any good because you can't kill ghosts. Probably, because they're already dead. Just then, the wind went whistling through the hangar. Believe me, when the wind goes through a metal hangar, which has got a lot of cracks and openings, you get all kinds of weird sounds. I heard WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! Combined with all the other scary noises, that was it. I ran out of the building, got in that truck and from then on, I never entered into the hangar again. I just opened the door, looked inside to make sure the plane and car were in there and that was it. Of course, that was over 30 years ago. Would I go inside the hangar at night again? Are you nuts! That place is haunted!
They say confession is good for the Soul; whoever they are. With that in mind, I do have a confession to make. One night I took the truck, leaving the airport unguarded for about 20 minutes and snuck over to the 7-11 in NORTH KANSAS CITY to get a package of twinkies to have with my coffee break.
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One time I spent a weekend walking canine patrol around the KANSAS CITY STAR newspaper building. They had this white German shepherd, which reminded me of JACK LA LANNE'S dog, HAPPY. I thought he would be a kind of vicious type of guard dog. I found out differently, though. The first night I walked patrol with him, some girls on break (the newspaper runs 24/7) came up and I tried to tell them to stay back. But they said, "Hi, SCHROEDER!" and started petting him. Then I started to wonder just how effective he would be if trouble started. Anyway, I have to admit I was jealous of him. I thought the girls were running out to see the cute guard and not the dog. Sometimes I went inside, not to protect the building, but because everybody wanted to see SCHROEDER.
We made an outside patrol every hour or so. He did one thing that irritated me. At the end of the patrol, we would stop at his pen where his food and water was. He always chewed his food very thoroughly and didn't gulp it down like a lot of dogs. The problem was that it was a cold November morning with a chilly wind. I wanted to get inside where it was warm. I kept say, "Hurry up and eat SCHROEDER!" He looked at me as if to say, "Don't bother me man, I'm eating!" It was dry food and sounds are really magnified in the cold morning air. The crunching was so loud it sounded like people 5 miles away could have heard it.
One time a very embarrassing thing happened when SCHROEDER decided to do his business on STAR grounds near the street. There I was, holding the leash of a supposedly deterent to crime who leaving his little doggy calling card on the lawn. Unfortunately, I was down wind from him. Even in the early morning hours, people were driving by and looking. I just did a little wave and smiled, looking everywhere but at SCHROEDER. I did what I could to distract people from what was going on. I didn't clean up the mess. My job was to protect lives and property, not police dog poop!
I remember there were some buildings with a railroad track running through them that had one or more boxcars sitting on the rails. We had to patrol the area. It was poorly lit and I was glad I had SCHOREDER, because he would have let me known if there was somebody lurking there. I once stepped on his paw and he let out a yelp that must have woke up at least 20 dead people. Sound carries good in the cold air of the wee hours of the morning. Supposedly, animals don't have expressions, but he looked at me as though to say, "Why'd you step on my paw for!"
JOHN KING was one of my JAMES GANG buddies back in Elementary School. As I played the cornet from Grade School through High School, he played the trombone. He used to drive a City Transit bus. One time, while heading towards the street while on patrol, I heard a honk. I looked up and saw JOHN going down the street in his bus waving at me. I thought that was kind of neat. You don't expect to see your Classmates while on canine patrol. The reason being, is that you're always on the look out for the bad guys. It sure felt good to see a friend.
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I used to be a bank guard at the BLUE RIDGE BANK extension in the BLUE RIDGE SHOPPING CENTER. It was affectionately called the MINI BANK. This was my first time guarding a bank and I found out that I had two important things to do. First, it was the guard's duty to make the coffee in the morning. Second, on Fridays it was the guard's turn to buy the doughnuts. I bet that's something they don't teach at any Police Academy.
On Friday the bank stayed open until 7 p.m., so I put in a 10-hour shift. MOSS MAGNAVOX was right across the way from the bank, so on Friday nights I used to sneak over to the window and watch the GODZILLA movie reruns on some of the TV's on display. I couldn't hear anything, but it was fun watching the monsters mix it up.
About the only exciting thing that happened during my tenure at the bank was that one CHRISTMAS, the bowing Santa Claus we had on display picked up a short circuit and started smoking. In true heroic fashion, I put my life on the line and expertly unplugged it. No medals please, I'm a very humble person!
One time I had my picture taken with ZELDA. She was a lion cub and they were exhibiting her and some other animals in the Center. One of the workers brought her into the bank so me and the tellers could see her. She was very lovable and cuddly to hold. Lions are cute when they're young, but I wouldn't want to try and hold one when it grows up.
The job didn't pay all that great, but it was a great place to work. The employees and shoppers were always nice.
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I spent about a year and a half as a hospital guard. We were not allowed to carry firearms, which did not sit to well with me. But the job paid good and there were many good benefits.
There was a mental health facility just a few yards to the North of the hospital. I had to keep an eye on that too. I hadn't been working there too long when I got a call on my radio to respond to a CODE "A" at the mental center. During my training period, somebody forgot to tell me what that meant. Then the dispatcher came on again and said, "There is a man with a gun in the Mental Health Center." So that's what a CODE "A" meant! The Security Office was at the opposite end from where I had to go. So, considering the fact that I was unarmed, I didn't run, I just walked hoping that the police would get there in time. I got to the stairs that would lead me up to where the danger was. I kept listening for a siren, but never heard one. Then I realized that the only time the police ever get there in time was in the movies and on TV. I took my trusty MOTOROLA walkie-talkie, which had a metal case and proceeded carefully up the stairs with radio in hand. I was going to use it as a weapon, possibly even throwing it as a defensive missile. I got to the top, but it was strangely quiet and I didn't see anything. This really bothered me, because the guy with the gun could pop out anywhere and shoot me. About that time, one of the doctors came out and I asked him where the gun toter was. He said that the guy just wanted to get attention and had given the gun up. It was a WINCHESTER. No, not the Cathedral. It was a 30-30 lever action rifle. Anyway, all of a sudden came the sound of sirens. Great! They finally decided to show up! The police came and of course I decided to take advantage of the situation and say, "No problem, fellas! Security has everything under control!" They started to take the guy out and I said, "You guys want the gun?" I pointed to where it was at and they took it along. Look, nobody has to know I had nothing to do with getting the gun away from the guy. It would look great on my resume. It was kind of a TWILIGHT ZONE situation. Things like this have been happening to me all of my life. And people wonder why I walk around talking to myself! The incident made me feel good, though. A person never really knows what they're going to do until they're drawn into a certain situation. I was willing to take on an armed man with just a walkie-talkie in order to protect others. That made me feel good. Would I do it again? Are you kidding! You can get killed being a hero!
One of the jobs I didn't like when I worked Security at the hospital was taking dead bodies down to the hospital morgue. I was told that one time an employee, pretending to be a dead body, jumped up and scared the security guy half to death. From then on, when I took a body down to the morgue on the cart, I had my walkie talkie, which had a metal case, ready at all times. If the body on that cart wasn't dead, I was going to make sure it was.
I checked on the Maternity Ward from time to time to see if the new borns were okay. Nobody was going to steal a kid when I was on duty!
I once saw some fire engines in front of the Mental Health Center. I had not received a call on my radio. I later found out that I had been called, but apparently my radio hadn't picked up the signals. There were some dead spots in the hospital where it was hard to pick anything up. I was a little upset, because I should have been there before the firemen. Anyway, it turns out that one of the elderly patients pulled the fire alarm because she wanted to give the Fire Chief some popcorn. Just between you and me, I think that some of the psychiatrists had more space to rent than the patients.
The only complaint I had about my job was the fact that we didn't have a badge, uniform or sidearm. Instead, I was unarmed and had a name tag that said SECURITY REPRESENTATIVE. Not only that, but I had to wear brown pants and a yellow blazer. We were supposed to be inconspicuous, but I looked like a bruised banana. One of the best deterents to Crime is a uniformed policeman with a badge and gun in plain sight. Nobody is going to be afraid of someone who looks like a piece of deranged fruit.
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ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Among my accomplishments concern the field of cartoons and comedy writing. You can see my work by clicking the Comedy Links listed with my biography. Due to Copyright violations, identity theft and the inability of the News Media to get their facts straight, I once lost a million-dollar opportunity. No problem, there will be other opportunities.
I have written what I consider to be one of the best, if not the best, MORSE CODE learning systems ever devised for use on a computer. I have given it to the AMERICAN people for free. it is a PUBLIC DOMAIN program.
I've been told I am a CREATIVE GENIUS. If I am, it's because GOD gave me a lot of talent and my parents and teachers taught me well. When I was younger, I sometimes thought that those old gray-haired fools didn't know anything. Time can be cruel. Now, I'm one of those old gray-haired fools who don't know anything. A while back, one of the little girls I sometimes watch out for asked me how old I was. When I told her I was 56, she said, "Wow! You look like you're only 48!" I guess when you get past 50, you have to take what compliments you can get.
In the mid-late 80's, I ws on a local radio station trying to help in getting AMERICAN POW'S out of VIETNAM. I also talked about the BIBLE and natural healing as opposed to deadly man-made drugs. I had to discontinue due to lack of funds. I found out too late that several pieces of mail, some including money (I never asked for anything, but the money would have been used to buy air time), had been stolen from the P.O. This caused me a lot of trouble and today, I still remain controversial. I am one of the few people living in the OZARKS who has consistently stood up for what is RIGHT! I do not go to any of the area churches because none of them tell the 100% GOSPEL TRUTH. I once put up a challenge that if anyone knows BIBLE TRUTH better than me, I'll go to their church. Nobody's taken me on as of yet. It's not because I have a holier-than-thou-attitude. JESUS said not to forsake the meeting of the SAINTS (not the football team, but real CHRISTIANS). But, JESUS also said not to associate with any people who do not tell the 100% GOSPEL. You can ask a dozen different so-called preachers any subject on the BIBLE and they will give you a dozen different answers. The name of the TRUE CHURCH is to be found in the BIBLE in ROMANS 16:16. I advise everyone to listen to what GOD has to say. The BIBLE prophesied the coming of AMERICA, the tragedy at PEARL HARBOR and it foretold that GERMANY would someday become divided and then be reunited again. The BIBLE also warned against COMMUNISM and MUSLIM terrorism. It says that someday, JERSUSALEM is going to be the CAPITOL of the WORLD. Read the 14th chapter of ZECHARIAH. The reason we have war in the MIDDLE EAST is that the Devil does not want JESUS coming back to this EARTH. Of course, GOD can never be defeated and neither can those who Believe in Him. I could go on and on. The best advice I could give to anyone is to listen to the GOD who Created them and not the News Media. I sometimes think that if we got rid of all the so-called preachers and/or holy men, politicians and news reporters, the rest of us could live in peace. Because, the aforementioned people seem to be stirring up all the trouble. Some day there is going to be a man who has long hair, wearing a beard and claiming to be the SON of GOD. JESUS did not have long hair and neither did SAMSON. Read EZEKIEL 44:20 my friends. don't be misled.
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BIOGRAPHY SUMMATION:
I hope those who read my story will have had fun reading it. Some of you will say, "Hey, that's me!" A lot of what I've said will relate to many people. We're all AMERICANS, we all went to school, got jobs, got married etc. We've all gone through pretty much the same things. It is my wish that this biography will stir up many pleasant memories. My parents' generation gave us something we should all be grateful for: a happy childhood and a firm foundation. Without it, we wouldn't be here today. Except for not having lived a better life, I have no complaints about the existence which GOD gave me. As I get older, I'm not giving up my dreams. COLONEL SANDERS sold his restaurant business of 20 years and had nothing left but his Social Security check after paying all his bills. But, he didn't give up. At the age of 65, he started selling his famous chicken recipe and I think you know the rest. GRANDMA MOSES didn't start painting until, I believe it was her 90's and she didn't become famous until she hit 100. Many of the greatest works of art and literature were done by men and women in their later years. I've had many failures in my life and have been told I'd never be successful, but I'm not going to let that deter me. EDGAR ALLEN POE was kicked out of WEST POINT for insurbordination. The man who painted WHISTLER'S MOTHER was kicked out of WEST POINT because he called ARGON a gas. After ALBERT EINSTEIN failed a math test, his teacher said he was an idiot and would never amount to anything. The experts said FRED ASTAIRE could never make it in the movies saying, "Can't act, slightly bald, can dance a little." The WRIGHT BROTHERS own father, who was a preacher, said that man would never fly. Even though I've had a lot of failures in my life and done a lot of stupid things, I'll keep on trying. The next time you feel like a failure, do what I do. Every time I get to feeling I'm the dumbest person on the face of this Earth, all I have to do is look at the politicians who are running the country and I realize that I'm not as stupid as I thought I was. May the Peace of GOD be upon you all.