"Sliver"

It�s too early in the morning to be thinking about Bela Lugosi. Here it is, 7:30, and like the victims of the vampire he helped make famous, I feel spellbound, lured to the actor by an uncontrollable impulse. Poor Bela! One infamous role in 1931 doomed him to forever play fiends, monsters and mad scientists.

And poor Sharon Stone. After only one successful psycho sex romp (�Basic Instinct�), she�s been typecast in movies billed as steamy, sexy and risqu�. Her role in the recent Paramount release �Sliver� is no exception, and begs the question, �What can Sharon Stone learn from Bela Lugosi?�

Here, Stone plays Carly Norris, a divorcee book editor who moves in to a �sliver,� as sleek high-rise apartments are now called in ultrahip, ultra-urban technospeak. Not included in her realtor�s brochure, however, is the fact that the building had been host to a series of bizarre deaths, the latest of which involved a woman who -- surprise, surprise -- not only looked like Stone, but lived in the very unit she just rented. Cue thunder and lightning� Ah, the possibilities are limitless.

Add to this recipe tenants Tom Berenger, a frustrated writer fond of drink, and William Baldwin, a soft-spoken, smirking video game designer, both of whom are vying for Stone�s affections. And topping it all off like a bad toupee is the mysterious, faceless off-screen character who, with a state-of-the-art surreptitious surveillance system, sits back and watches every nook and cranny of the premises (not to mention the nooks and crannies of the people who live there).

Speaking of premises, �Sliver�s� is about as thin Stone�s negligee and much, much less appealing. Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, who also gave us Stone�s signature role, was paid $3 million �in advance� for this script ... and should be arrested for taking the money and, essentially, running. The thoroughly unappealing characters never develop beyond their contrived, repetitive expositions and dialogue. For instance, when encouraged by the token horny coworker/friend to go out and find some action, Stone moans that she�s newly divorced and not ready for any kind of relationship. This is all well and good, and actually tells us something about the character, but do we have to hear the same exchange four or five times, repeated virtually verbatim? I�ve heard of padding films with long shots, pans and the like, but never with dialogue. Another gem: Pointing to a lump of red plastic on a table, Stone asks Baldwin, �What�s that?� �A volcano,� he replies. �I�ve always loved them.�

�Sliver� has more filler than a cheap hotdog.

And then there�s the whole sex thing, the peg on which �Sliver� hung its advertising. Poor Sharon Stone. Sorry, I mean �red-hot Sharon Stone,� as the promotions have proclaimed. Has anybody else noticed that Hollywood, now more than ever, has been mass producing mainstream pornography for Middle America? �Sliver� is the latest installment, offering pseudo-erotic voyeurism, the much-touted bathtub masturbation scene and other various and sundry sexcapades.

Gosh, I�ve left so much out: the running joke about the doorman, the oh-so-poignant symbolism of the James Dean bio that Norris is editing at work, the undeveloped conflict between Berenger and Baldwin. When you get right down to it, �Sliver� is a boring, uninteresting movie that never gets beyond a rudimentary level. It�s as suspenseful as rewinding a video tape. Wait, that�s wrong. When you rewind a video tape, you�re always wondering if it�s going to snap when it reaches the end. That�s much more suspenseful than �Sliver.�

If you want sultry and sexy story lines, return to Miss Stone in �Basic Instinct,� which was a groundbreaker and has certainly wriggled its way into the American consciousness. Better yet, check out William Hurt and Kathleen Turner in �Body Heat,� a moody, torrid look at lust and deceit.

Perhaps Stone�s next movie, �Intersection,� will mark a much-needed change of pace for the actress. Let�s see � It�s about a man (Richard Gere) involved in a steamy love triangle.

Poor Sharon Stone.