"Resident Evil" / "Biohazard"

Creepy is a sensation sorely lacking in today�s cinema. I mean, other than Mariah Carey in "Glitter," there hasn�t been anything really creepy since those little girls in "The Shining."

The makers of "Biohazard" (n�e "Resident Evil"), the latest video game-turned-movie, attempted creepy with Red Queen, a supercomputer that melds Grand Guignol theater with the principles of micro-management. A hash of HAL 9000 and Mother, the computers in "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Alien," respectively, and Laura Ingalls from "Little House on the Prairie," Red Queen is supposed to make us feel uncomfortable. After all, technology personified as an urchin� with a British accent to boot -- is creeeeeepy.

Another try at creepy was The Hive, a 12-level subterranean research facility operated by the Umbrella Corporation, an outfit that makes Enron look like The Salvation Army. Half a mile below nearby Raccoon City, The Hive is abuzz with activity after a terrorist unleashes a nasty, illicit virus that turns lab technicians, HR personnel and Dobermans into the ambulating, computer-enhanced dead.

These flesh-starved zombies are kind of creepy, but� Where have you gone, George A. Romero? A nation turns its lonely, glazed-over eyes to you! Even Licker, a bloodthirsty mutant beast that appears only when writer-director Paul Anderson couldn�t come up with relevant action to advance the plot, fails the creepy litmus test.

Leading a group of commandos sent to contain Red Queen and reclaim The Hive is Alice (Milla Jovovich). In shorts and a low-cut coverall ensemble, Alice proves that it�s clothes and kung-fu, not conversational skills, that make the woman.

This is really all you need to know about "Biohazard," which in many ways is "Aliens" with a Marilyn Manson soundtrack and millennial special effects, startles and gore. The monosyllabic script provides little intrigue, so it�s up to the visuals to entertain us, which they do in a check-your-brain-at-the-door way � much like a video game.

Sure, see it for a quick thrill. Just don�t expect creepy.