yearinreview

A memorial was erected in May of 2001 in honor of Henry Winkler who starred as the Fonz in Happy Days. When his show ended in the early 80's, Winkler immediately killed his family and committed suicide. When reached for comment the Fonz said, "That never happened, I was in The Waterboy and Little Nicky with Adam Sandler." When asked about the Winkler Murder and Suicide Incident, a random person on the street replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that never happened."

Yes 2001 was a great year. Nothing went wrong at all. Friends were made, friends were lost. But if I could sum up 2001 in one word I think that word would be ohyeahthatwassuchanawesomeyear. Cripples learned to walk, and african american kids learned to read. People came up with great ideas, and gay people finally realized that what they have been doing is horribly wrong and the logistics of their sexuality don't even make sense. In conclusion we will end with a Brian Dennehy "Byeee!!!"

The show Friends took some daring turns in their character lines last year. Joey and Chandler became a homosexual Goth duo, while Ross turned to drugs and pimping the unwitting Phoebe. Monica's character was killed off when she was bitten by Joey and Chandler's Vampire Gay-Baby "Torrance". Rachel moved to the building accross the street with her new boyfriend Ugly Naked Guy. The audience loved the new turns because apparently, they are all a bunch of gay men who just wanted Monica to die.

In August of 2001, Doug Melby of Calgary personally invented the newest form of music by mixing 80's Glam Rock with Hardcore Punk. "The key is, I just make the stage look like a jungle of foliage with bear skins in the background. Then, I shave my head and grow a rockin beard. When the crowd is as hype as me, I just yell like a forest ranger in a zoo." The consensus agrees, as crowds from around the world flock to meet Melby. One fan claims, "Dude, this is just like being in the 80's again. People are wearing belly shirts and growing uni-brows." When informed that nobody did that in the 80's, the fan claimed, "Yeah, but they should've, and it's coming back." We later told Garrett to stop answering our questions and give someone else a chance.

On September 11, 2001, Tom Friedman enjoyed a hot dog and a rerun of Boy Meets World. "It was the episode where Corey and Shawn dressed up as girls so they could understand what it's like to be a girl. A good show, but not one of their bests," said Friedman. When asked what he thought about the day, Tom replied," It was good, but that hotdog isn't sitting too well." Tom then retreated to his room, where he reorganized his cd collection and flipped through some old Mad magazines. "It was funny because Corey kinda looked like Britney Spears and Shawn looked like a thirty year old ugly women," responded Friedman, "damn though, Topanga is hot. Whoo." Finishing that thought, Friedman retreated to his bathroom, where he said he had to take care of some unfinished "business."

In late November, gay people realized that they should no longer be able to make decisions because every time they do, someone ends up with something in a place that it shouldn't be. Much to the relief of straight people, gay men learned that anal intercourse is not fun. But it took some debating. They finally made the decision

when the Rev. Al Sharpton went on a hunger strike. When Sharpton started losing weight the gay-homo community started to think he was quote, "Really hot." After shedding over 200 lbs. the fagishly queer people were saddened that their hot Sharpton was losing his male model-

like appearance. They decided Sharpton must be right, and they started liking women. It was an immediate change. "It was like I instantly stopped liking other fudge packers and started liking women." claimed one of the former fancy-fairies. And another said, "I somewhat miss boys, but I'm glad we changed our ways. Rev. Al Sharpton is really hot again. But I love girls now...damnit."