The sun shines brilliantly in a vibrant blue sky. I'm walking through a field somewhere. I can feel it's familiarity, but I don't quite recognize it. Somehow it feels like the place has changed drastically since I was last there.
My shoes are in my hand. The grass is warm against my feet. A warm breeze swirls my dress around my legs. I smile to myself and take a deep breath.
Suddenly, pain racks through me. I fall to my knees. As the pain persists, I lie on the ground and try to shift into a reasonably comfortable position. It feels like everything inside me is on fire and being ripped out all at once.
I black out.
Hours later, I wake up to a clear, black, star-filled sky. The breeze is colder than I would like it to be. My thin sundress offers little protection from the breeze's chilly embrace. I shiver and try to stand, but my legs fall out from under me as pain tears through them again.
At that moment, I realize I'm going to spend the night there. It's almost as though I'm supposed to be there...like someone or something is holding me there for a purpose.
At last, I hear a muted engine in the distance. A car door slams. Fear spreads through me, then vanishes just as quickly. I hear footsteps coming in my direction.
This time, when I try to sit up, the pain lessens. I still cannont stand, and some instinct tells me to call out so that whomever is coming isn't startled into hurting me.
I hear a surprised voice. Something like a half-question about how I knew about this place. Then I see someone standing over me.
A hand reaches for me as I recognize you, and you shake your head and say, "Damn woman. Get up." The pain vanishes as you help me stand.
There is a sadness deeper than any I have ever seen before in your eyes.
At that moment, I wake up. My mind is foggy with a confused sense of time. The me in my dream senses that this has taken place before even as the waking me realizes the events will some day take place. If I only knew exactly when...
With a soft sigh, I push open the door and look quickly over my shoulder. As I step outside I feel the warmth of the sun and the slight breeze that wafts across the small parking lot. I adjust my bookbag on my shoulder, put on my sunglasses, and move to the edge of the first step.
I hear an engine, but do not look up. The steps are only a few short yards from the street, and it is about the time that those who live there begin to return home after their day's work. After several weeks of this routine, I am not phased at all by the thought of cars passing.
As I reach the bottom step, my skirt blowing in the wind and swirling around my legs...like the skirts of women in movies do, I think as I notice it...I look up. It is the last time I will be walking out that door into this parking lot. A sudden sadness fills me as I realize that this is a failure.
The sound of a different sort of engine fills the silence as I stand there on the verge of tears. Turning, I see you pull in the driveway on your motorcycle. I am not surprised. I have been expecting you all day. You swing your leg over the seat, pull of your helmet and set it aside, then walk slowly and silently to me.
Finally, the floodgates open and I allow the tears to fall as I look into your eyes. You brush them off my cheek and pull me into your arms without a sound. Your voice fills my head even though I know you are not speaking.
"Rule number two, Baby."
Pulling gently out of your embrace, I smile. We walk to my car together, place my bag into the back seat, and you turn back to your motorcycle as I turn the key in the ignition.
Wherever it is we go from here, I know the pain I feel will be lessened by your presence, understanding, and love...
It's amazing how fast everything spins when you're ripped out of even the slightest bit of solitude into reality. One burst of sound, one touch, one image, and the stability that was there moments before sends you into a spiral that's near impossible to control...
I feel I'm falling. When I land, I see nothing but stars and darkness. Orion watches over me as always. A gentle breeze. A soft drizzle of rain coming from a thin strip of clouds that does not blot out the stars' light. Night sounds coming from all across the field. The murmur of a stream running in the near
distance.
My eyes close. A hand touches mine, urges me to stand. I rise and walk guided by this hand. A few paces and we stop. Dizziness. Fear. A sudden wall between me and this person. A door in the wall opens. Something floods in. Some sort of knowing...
A man's voice. Whispers heard as though they came from across centuries instead of inches. Feelings of floating. Eyes fluttering open to meet eyes as wild as a beast's but tender as a baby's. A soft caress across the cheek.
Thunder, falling, running, fear...then the reality of this room. The computer in front of me, the papers scattered across desk and floor...
I sit on the couch, a newborn baby girl at my breast. The morning sun streams in as the hustle and bustle of others in the house can be heard getting ready for their day.
He sits beside me as my son runs down the stairs and gives the baby a kiss on her cheek. She batts at her brother's face, fussing only lightly at having her breakfast interrupted. My son kisses him on the cheek as well, then steps back and looks at the three of us. He smiles, then says, "Thank you for making my mom so happy. I love you."
A tear slides silently from my eye at this ultimate acceptance. Two more pairs of feet come running down the stairs. They skid to a stop so they can each kiss their baby sister on her forehead or cheek, whichever she will allow, then all three are out the door to school.
We share our few quiet moments there, the two of us both newly married and with this beautiful daughter between us. The love that shines from his eyes as he watches me holding our baby girl overwhelms me as it does every time he looks at me. Every memory comes flooding back into my mind in that moment, and I breathe silent thanks to those who were able to bring us together at last -- after so many lifetimes of destroying what was meant to be we are finally able to live it.
He and I share a kiss before he picks up his bag and keys to go to work. "Take care of our Miranda, Pretty Girl," he whispers into my ear. I smile and kiss the side of his neck as I always do before he leaves, then watch him pull out of the driveway knowing that he will return, the children will return, and our home will be overflowing with laughter and love in just a few short hours.
I cradle Miranda in my arms and watch as the eyes her father gave her smile back at me remembering the moment we met ...
