The day hurries on as I sit. Waiting for something�anything�I sit by my window. As I watch the cars roll by, the trees wave and the sun smiles. Before I know it though, the light has faded into the dark and I am left in silence.

     Turning, I finally stand, walk to my mirror and there I am. I�me�this person that I call �myself� is looking back and I don�t recognize her.

     Susan Jason Socks.

     Yes, I know that my middle name is a guy�s name, but explain to me then why I have a Great Great Aunt Jason?

     Yes, I know that my last name is �interesting.� Hey, at least it�s easy to spell and pronounce.

     Glancing up and down, I realize that I�ve looked about the same for the past few years, yet today I don�t recognize myself. I am fourteen, but I don�t feel any different though I know that I am. I must be; I mean, why else does every family member over twenty keep pinching my cheek with an accompanied, �You�re getting so grown up!�?

     I don�t feel grown up. If anything, I feel more like a child than I did when I was twelve�I had all the answers then. Now I just have questions and I�ve heard it just gets worse with age.

     My mother once told me that adults were just big kids who had to pay bills; that we never grow up. I hope that�s true because I can�t stand much more of this �growing up.� Perhaps it�s all a crock�like Valentine�s Day was created by the card companies�my older brother swears by that.

     Paul, my brother, is always sure that he has the answer even if he doesn�t know anything about the question. He once assured me that A Tree Grows in Brooklyn was set in Texas and was convinced that the author put �Brooklyn� in the title to confuse the reader. I agreed, of course, simply to get him to be quiet so that I could continue reading.

     Perhaps that�s what my parents mean by �You�ll understand when you�re older, honey.� It�s not that you know the Truth, but that you think you do. Thus, you�re happy because you have all your answers even if they�re wrong. I was happy when I was young because I knew all I needed to and if I didn�t Mom and Dad always had a simple answer. Now I know that I know nothing and neither Mom nor Dad can offer me any advice that will fix anything. I�m just lost without a map or a compass. Hopefully when �I�m older� I�ll have a compass�it won�t matter if it works.

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