However, each day is good in its own way, for I am living, I breathe, I smell, I see, I love; damn it, I love. I love everyone and everything more with every breath I take, and yet I confuse myself more with every beat of my metaphoric heart. Looking for the answers in every place I find, I earn nothing but an aching heart and a sore neck from craning around those sly corners. My chest puffs with pride and confidence as my human ego grows, augmenting my head until it is a dangerous size�a selfish size. Suddenly I slip and once again my head hits the ground, a nail, and I deflate, along with my head and my daily mountain of dreams. Please explain to me where I�m going with all of this, why I try, why I�m here, why this hurts so much. Why? Just the answer to the general question would be enough for me, but you can�t because no one knows the answer to that horrible ambiguous question. Why? No one knows.

Therefore, I must content myself with life in general, and I usually do. I usually find enjoyment in stupid things�a person�s smile, a good joke, a great song�but then one thing can happen�a drink, a slap, an unkind word�and my world comes crashing down. Down until I�m lying flat on the floor and wondering what hit me. Life hit me. The world hit me. Damn it, I hit me. My mind is my tool, my heart, my soul; I place so much emphasis on the stupid mass of glop that I believe it makes me and when it fails by not aiding me in comprehending something, I believe it is my fault. I believe I did it; I caused it; I, I, I . . .

This is stupid. I�m sitting here at my computer feeling sorry for myself, yet attempting to make some �poetic� and �profound� expression of my �feelings.� Jesus, I am the perfect example of human nature�s selfish trends. I�m exploiting my own depression, which is sadly misplaced anyway. How ridiculous is that? Oh well, you need a bit of ridiculousness in life in order to enjoy it at all, right?