It was a brisk English morning, the birds chirped and the clouds let out soft drizzling rain. The apartment shared by the ex-whose liners was bathed in darkness and as quiet as a library until, "GET UP… GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OUT OF BED…UP NOW…COME ON SLACKERS, GET FUNCTIONAL," Brad bellowed as he dashed about waking his friends.
When the yelling failed he bounced on Ryan's bed, sprayed Colin with water, stole Greg's doona and shoved Chip onto the floor. The result of Brad's eagerness wasn't incredibly successful and the only thing he'd really managed was to piss the others off.
They arrived wearily (apart from the hyperactive Brad) at Channel 4 and met their English counterparts.
"So are we going straight into it or what?" Steve asked as they entered the studio.
"Do you want to practice a bit and get back into the swing of things?" Ryan asked.
"You think we're out of touch?" Tony countered.
"Do you think you're out of touch?" Colin piped up.
"Is it a problem if we are?" Josie smiled.
"Did I say it was?" Ryan asked.
"Isn't that what you were insinuating?" Niall perked.
"Can we stop playing ‘Questions Only’ and get on with it?" Greg chimed in.
"Would you like to get on with it?" Brad giggled.
"Do you know you're doing my head in?" Greg sarced.
"Would you rather we did something else?" Colin nodded.
"Sorry I'm late, what's the plan for today?" Clive asked, entering the studio.
"Would you like us to tell you?" Tony smiled.
"Well it might help," Clive scorned.
"Don't you think as the host you should tell us what to do?" Ryan perked.
"Hey, it's your show," Clive said bewildered.
"Why has it taken you so long to realise that?" Greg queried.
Clive looked at the group of people in front of him and then rolled his eyes. "Can you stop playing ‘Questions Only’," he sighed.
"Would you like us to stop?" Caroline asked.
"No more questions," Clive hissed.
"Is it…"
"Stop."
"Don't you…"
"NO."
"Haven't we…"
"Why do I do this to myself?" Clive breathed.
"Hey you said no more questions," Greg scorned.
Clive shook his head and then took his seat behind the desk. Richard then piped up from over by the piano.
"Hey, who's up for a hoedown?" he chuckled.
"I ban all hoedowns from this show," Ryan announced.
"I agree," Colin stated.
"Spoilsport," Greg mused.
"I'll do one," Tony piped up and bounded into the centre of the set. Richard shrugged and began playing the familiar music. Tony bopped a bit and then began singing:
"Oh Drew Carey is a stupid git, he got you lot fired
But it's not too bad because as it got us all re-hired.
The only downside to our show, the bit that will be shit
Is now we've got back baldy Clive and he's a silly twit"
"Oh well done," Greg mused as the other applauded.
"I see you haven't lost your unique touch Tony," Clive laughed.
"Thankyou, thankyou…thank-you," Tony said as he bowed emphatically.
"Ok, time to take things seriously…give us a game and a scene and we'll do it," Ryan said, looking at Clive.
"Right…let's do…’Song Titles’ and you're in a supermarket," Clive announced.
Greg and Brad started.
"Crunchy Granola," Greg announced.
"Mandy," Brad smiled.
"Apple Jack," Greg gasped.
"Do You Want to Dance?" Brad asked.
Greg's mouth opened and closed and he was buzzed out. Caroline replaced him. "I Remember You," she perked.
"Mrs Brown You've got a Lovely Daughter," Brad grinned.
"Kiss You All Over," Caroline purred.
Brad sniggered and was replaced by Tony. "How Do You Do It?" he chirped.
"Do Wah Diddy Diddy," Caroline giggled.
"You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth," Tony said seriously.
Caroline cracked up and Ryan sauntered over to join Tony.
"I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts," Ryan announced.
Tony lost it and was replaced by Steve.
"Lily the Pink," he perked.
"What Do You Want?" Ryan scorned.
"A Groovy Kind of Love," Steve gushed.
Ryan shook his head and stepped back, Colin bounded forward.
"Can't Get You Out of My Head," Steve gasped.
"Blame it on the Boogie," Colin shrugged.
"Rock On," Steve grinned.
"Unbelievable," Colin grumbled, putting his hands on his hips.
"Yes it is," Steve cackled and was replaced by Josie.
"You Don't Have to Say You Love Me," she breathed.
"That' right," Colin nodded and walked off. Chip bounced forward.
"I Wanna Be Your Underwear," he announced.
Josie and the others cracked up and she was buzzed off. Niall stepped forward. "Where Do You Go To My Lovely?" he asked.
"Okalahoma," Chip sniggered but held it together.
"Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover," Niall spat.
"Love Rears its Ugly Head," Chip shrugged.
"Try Me Out," Niall insisted.
"Feel Like Making Love?" Chip smiled.
"In the Evening?" Naill asked.
"Under The Boardwalk," Chip replied.
"Always Something There to Remind Me," Niall nodded.
"Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak," Chip laughed.
Niall lost it too and Clive rang the buzzer.
"That was just disturbing," Clive gasped.
"Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak," Naill cackled.
"I promise you it’s a song," Chip laughed.
"And to think we have weeks of this," Tony mused.
"New game," Greg insisted.
"OK," Clive smiled, fumbling through his written notes. "Bartender…Chip, you can be the bartender since you won the last game."
"Oh…the joy," Chip sarced and bounded down to the bartender set.
"Caroline, you can be first up and you're angry because your husband left you for his secretary."
"Right then," Caroline perked and got herself comfortable at the bar.
Everyone was forced to play the game with suggestions ranging from Greg being upset because he didn't have any friends to Ryan having a fetish for socks and Tony being in love with a goldfish.
By the end of day one, not only had they decided on all the games, but also after only one day they were ready to start taping.