"I need the bathroom…you take Wayne for a while," Jeff announced as they stopped to look at some brightly coloured birds.
          Brad scowled like a teenager who's been asked to clean their room. "You'd better be quick," he huffed.
          "With my bladder? Takes me ten minutes to get started these days," Jeff said matter of factly as he hobbled off past the flamingos.
          "My, those birds sure is bright," Wayne perked and pulled the rug that covered his legs up higher.
          "That's a seed dish, you old goat," Brad scorned.
          "Well fancy that," Wayne chuckled. "My old eyes aren’t what they used to be."
          "Yeah, whatever," Brad grumbled and walked off in the direction of the marmots.
          "Yes, I do like the birds…are we going to look at the macaws?" Wayne asked, "Brad…Brad."
          "Why are you talking to yourself Mister?" asked a young boy who'd appeared at Wayne's side, "are you mental?" he added.
          "I was talking to my friend Brad," Wayne retorted.
          "There's no one else here but me and you," the boy replied.
          Wayne looked around. "Bastard abandoned me…Why if I was younger I'd whip his ass."
          The boy looked at Wayne amused and then ran off to join his family. Wayne pulled his rug up some more and hoped that Jeff would rescue him soon, as he needed the bathroom too.

          "Liquor," Ryan announced as he sat himself gingerly on a barstool.
          "What kind of liquor sir?" asked the barman.
          "Any…in a bottle," Ryan grumbled.
          "Well they're all in bottles," the barman said confused.
          "I think you'll find he wants a whole bottle," Greg sighed as he shuffled over to the bar.
          "A, a whole bottle…right," the barman mumbled and slid a bottle of Whisky in Ryan's direction.
          "No glass," Ryan spat.
          "Ok," peeped the barman as he took Ryan's money. "And what would you like sir?"
          "Same as my friend here and a large Vodka," Greg rasped.
          "Col doesn't drink Vodka," Ryan said, confused.
          "Give me some entertainment…I want to see Colin Mochrie smashed and dancing on tables before I die, ok?" Greg spat.
          "Can I help," Ryan asked enthusiastically.
          "Maybe," Greg grunted as they headed back to the table.

          "You guys took forever," Colin announced.
          "Sorry Col, my hip locked again," Greg replied as he shoved the large Vodka in front of Colin.
          "It’s just water right…I mean you know I can't taste anything after that incident with the flaming rum balls," Colin said seriously.
          "Of course, what do you take me for…as if I'd abuse your disability," Greg scorned.
          "Thanks Greg," Colin smiled and sculled the entire contents of the glass to Greg and Ryan's shock. "Boy, am I thirsty," he added.
          "Gee, you should go easy on that," Greg gasped.
          "Why? It’s just water…I think I'll get another," Colin smiled.
          "I'll get it for ya buddy," Ryan perked and took Colin's glass.
          "Why thankyou," Colin smiled.
          "I might check out the jukebox," Greg said, still stunned.

          Drew had been hoping he'd found his way to the zoo's entrance booth. He pulled out a wad of cash and thrust it in the direction of what he hoped was a female zoo worker.
          "Well you must be desperate," perked the woman as she counted the money.
          "Not really, I can't see any of the animals," Drew jeered.
          "Animals…oh, right…CANDY…HEY CANDY, HELP THIS GUY WILL YA," the woman yelled.
          Drew heard the shuffling of high-heeled shoes across carpet and thin hands wrap around his arm.
          "This way sir," Candy giggled and led Drew across the floor, "watch the stairs," she added and helped Drew climb them all.
          And it wasn't until Drew found his pants being removed by Candy's teeth that he realised he was in a brothel.
          "Ah, this might seem really inappropriate…but do you, ah…have any Viagra," Drew babbled still gripping his cane tightly.
          "Ohhhh…bit out of practice are we?" Candy purred.
          "Oh man, this is embarrassing…I can't, it doesn't…there was a bedpan incident," Drew cringed.
          "Ah…I'll go ask," Candy peeped and the last Drew heard was the door slam shut.

          Chip woke up on his third trip around the bus route. He blinked several times and then it registered where he was at that his friends were no longer present.
          "You have to get off now," the bus driver scorned.
          Chip looked blankly around.
          "YOU HAVE TO GET OFF," the bus driver yelled.
          "What?" Chip muttered.
          "OFF…YOU HAVE TO GET OFF," the bus driver insisted.
          "No I don't want a puppy," Chip replied.
          The bus driver looked confused.
          "Listen old man…the bus don't go any further…you have to get off," hissed the bus driver as he tried to evict Chip from the bus.
          Chip thrust his can at the driver. "Get away from me, I'm getting off and calling your superior…how dare you attack me," he snapped as he hobbled out into the street.
          "What a wacko," the bus driver gasped, as he quickly closed the door and took off.
          Chip looked around the empty street and discovered he was lost, completely lost.

          After seven Vodkas Colin was standing in the middle of the bar doing a bad Elvis impersonation, while Ryan used his false teeth as castanets. Colin could still swivel his hips and was impressive for a guy in his 90s.
          Greg and Ryan, who had also consumed copious amounts of alcohol, were totally immune to any drunken effects after so many years of abuse.
          "Hey Col," Greg piped up.
          "Yes, oh Proopy Proop Proop," Colin giggled and swayed.
          "What would you say if I dared you to streak through the McDonalds across the road?" Greg perked.
          "I'd say take off my pants and I'm there," Colin grinned.
          "Well if you insist," Greg perked. "Ryan, help the man out of his pants."