After watching the duck tear Jeff's wig into a million pieces, Ryan and Colin headed back toward the entertainment area. They were nearly stopped in the corridor by a man who was walking slower than your average snail, with a walker.
"Come on Wayne…move you ass," Ryan spat.
"I'm movin' as fast as I can," Wayne scowled, "the hip's playing up today," he added.
"Oh that's a shame," Colin said sympathetically.
"Like I care, I want to wish Brad a happy birthday before I die," Ryan snapped and began poking Wayne in the butt with his cane.
"Hey, stop that…stop that," Wayne pleaded and feebly tried to fend him off.
Ryan gave a hearty chuckle.
"What is going on here?" asked a care worker who appeared from one of the rooms after hearing Wayne's yelps.
"Ryan's being a bastard," Wayne whined.
"IT’S CAPTAIN BILLY" Ryan yelled.
"It’s dickhead," Wayne retorted.
The care worker grabbed Ryan's cane before he inserted it somewhere unpleasant in Wayne.
"You behave or it’s straight back to your room…you understand?" the care worker warned.
Ryan let out several audible grunts and waited for the care worker to disappear, before he poked Wayne again.
Brad had decided he was cold and added a woolen hat to his y-fronts and socks. He was beginning to feel sulky. No one seemed to care that it was his birthday—sure Colin was lovely, but Chip was tone deaf, Greg wanted to be dead, Wayne was more decrepit than a leper colony and Ryan was insane; they could still buy him presents though.
Brad was going to head back to the entertainment area but changed his mind and went across the corridor to visit Drew.
Drew was doing what he always did, and was groping his stubby fingers over a selection of Braille porn. The guys had learnt long ago that this was nothing short of hilarious to watch. Equally amusing was to swap the Braille cards for various other "home made" ones.
"Hey Drew…is that Bobbi or Candy?" Brad asked.
"Actually it’s a wonderful, heartwarming story Brad," Drew scorned and looked in Brad's general direction.
Brad stared bemused at Drew's glasses; the lenses were so thick he looked like Mr Magoo.
"Oh, so it’s lesbian porn then," Brad perked.
"Did you want something?" Drew asked, sounding annoyed.
"It's my birthday," Brad replied, almost childlike.
"Happy birthday, here have some Braille porn," Drew mused and waved one of his cards about.
Brad took it, ran his fingers over the bumps and then left.
Ryan and Colin shuffled into the entertainment area together. Greg was swigging whiskey from a hip flask and Chip was fiddling with his hearing aid.
"Hey Greg, sorry you're not dead," Ryan perked as he seated himself in a chair.
"Captain Billy, nice to see ya, not on tranquilizers any more I see," Greg coughed.
"Sure I am," Ryan chuckled.
"HEY CHIP…CAPTAIN BILLY'S HERE," Greg yelled.
Chip smacked his ear.
"HEY CHIP," Ryan yelled.
Chip fiddled with his hearing aid some more and looked in Greg's direction.
"CAPTAIN BILLY," Greg yelled pointing.
"Nice," Chip nodded.
Greg shook his head. "He's the whole reason euthanasia needs to be legalized."
"That's just horrible," Colin grumbled. "Chip can't help being deaf."
"And Ry can't help being insane…it’s not big deal," Greg grumbled.
"Captain Billy," Ryan huffed in Greg's direction.
The four men settled in to watch a documentary on the giant vole rat when, "Ryan, you've been let out," Brad gasped, entering the room.
"IT’S CAPTAIN BILLY…I’M CAPTAIN BILLY…CAPTAIN BILLY," Ryan yelled. "Why do you have no pants?" he added.
"He stopped wearing them months ago," Colin whispered to Ryan.
"I like no pants," Brad announced sulkily.
"You look fine," Colin smiled. "Didn't you have something to say to Brad," he added, nudging Ryan.
"No…I…OH…" Ryan's confusion fell into a smile and he shakily got to his feet and hobbled over to Brad. "Happy birthday Brad," he perked and feebly slapped him on the back.
"Thanks Captain Billy," Brad grinned.
The Kodak moment was destroyed by a yelp from Chip; the TV was beginning to smoke. The guys began to panic, not quite sure what to do.
"HEY, HEY WILL ONE OF YOU NAZI BITCHES GET IN HERE," Greg bellowed and then hacked up a hanky fill of phlegm.
"What the hell is your problem…JANICE GET IN HERE," screamed the care worker who appeared.
Together the two women pulled the plug out and doused the TV in water before disappearing out of the room again.
"Well there goes my day," Greg grumbled.
"Now how do we celebrate my birthday?" Brad huffed.
"Hey, lets go out," Ryan announced.
"Out? Like to a bar…I could live with that," Greg nodded.
"I was thinking we hire pogo sticks and bounce through Central Park," Ryan said enthusiastically.
"Yeah, slight problem there…firstly we're not in New York and secondly…YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE," Greg snapped.
"Oh and I suppose a bar is better," Ryan huffed.
"Well I like the idea of a bar," Colin perked.
"CHIP…WANT TO GO TO A BAR?" Greg yelled in Chip's direction.
"I haven't driven in years," Chip replied confused.
"No you deaf git…A BAR…A BAR," Greg hissed.
Chip looked stunned for a moment. "Yes," he mumbled.
"What are we discussing?" Wayne asked, finally making it into the room.
"We're going to a bar, you want to come?" Colin asked.
"Oh that sounds like fun…I'm a bit slow though," Wayne chuckled.
"No probs, we'll get you a wheelchair," Greg nodded.
"I'll go get Drew," Brad announced disappearing down the corridor. He returned several minutes later with Drew who was clutching his white cane and Jeff who was sporting a used looking baseball cap.
"Looks like we're all ready now…this is going to be my best birthday in years," Brad perked.
"We ain't going anywhere 'till you get some pants on," Greg announced as he got to his feet.
"He's not wearing pants?" Drew gasped and stepped away from Brad.