Tony Slattery idled into the abc reception area and went straight to the front desk. A pretty brunette looked up from her computer and gave him a warm (yet fake) smile.
          "How can I help you sir?" she asked.
          "Ah hello…My name is Terry and I'm supposed to be having a tour of this wonderful televisual outlet," Tony chirped.
          "Right I'll just check that," the girl nodded and began furiously typing. "What did you say your name was again?"
          "Terry…ah Terry Bumpshkin," Tony perked.
          "I'm sorry sir but your name doesn't appear to be listed here," the girl sighed.
          "Oh," Tony pouted, "I was so looking forward to seeing the place too…it was supposed to be the highlight of my trip… I'd heard such great things about abc too…never mind…I'll just have to tell my uncle, who's CEO at the BBC how poor the organisation is here…maybe I should put in a complaint about the reception staff…"
          "Mr Bumpshkin…maybe I can find someone to give you a quick tour," the girl suddenly piped up. "Just give me a second," she added and quickly began speaking into the phone.
          Several minutes passed before the girl put the phone down.
          "Right Mr Bumpshkin, someone should be here soon to show you around," she smiled.
          Tony let out a small squeal of delight. "How can I ever thankyou?"
          The girl giggled. "Have a nice day."
          Tony wandered over to look at some of the 'stars' pictures on the wall and his face broke out into a broad grin.
          "You haven't lost your golden touch Slattery," he mused.
          A short while later a man appeared in an over starched pinstriped suit. He walked like someone who had had a large object inserted up his butt and turned sideways.
          "Are you Mr Bumpshkin?" asked the man.
          "Yes sir, I am sir, yes," Tony nodded and shook the man's hand.
          "Right follow me," the man said without a hint of expression.
          Tony was dragged through various rooms, kitchens, offices and studios. He even caught the eye of Steve and Brad who appeared to be helping Chip learn to walk again.
          Eventually he was taken to where he'd really wanted to go: the control room.
          Unfortunately Tony couldn't seem to shake the anal-retentive git who was his tour guide. In fact Tony had concluded this man was so mundane he made Al Gore seem like a wonderful choice to play a clown at children's parties.
          As if a higher power had been reading Tony's thoughts Mr Anal's phone rang and he excused himself.
          Tony went straight into naive English twat mode.
          "Well isn't this exciting…what does that do?" he asked an overweight balding man who was pressing a few buttons.
          "It puts the ad breaks in," grumbled the man.
          "Ohh really," Tony jeered. "What about that?"
          "That's what we press if something goes wrong and we need the natty little station logo to pop up while we fix it."
          "Fascinating…and that?"
          "That controls the camera angles."
          "Never that little switch…" Tony paused. "So what do you do when you need to project something live like a football game or something?" he asked.
          The fat bald guy looked and Tony with mild curiosity. "We use that unit over there," he said, pointing to an unoccupied panel.
          "That little thing…wow…so how does it work…do you just switch it on?" Tony asked excitedly.
          "Sort of…you've just got to make sure you put the right range in…otherwise you won't broadcast as far as you want."
          Tony shook his head in mock awe. "It’s so amazing, this whole TV thing."
          "You finished Mr Bumpshkin?" asked the anal man returning.
          "Oh yes, of course," Tony beamed.
          Tony was escorted out and once outside he let out a heavy sigh. He was glad his part was over and hoped that Colin might stop trying to kill him now.