"Ahhh excuse me," the Canadian piped up as he sauntered over to where Drew and Chesterfield where chatting.
"What?" hissed Chesterfield.
"Well I could be wrong and all, but I thought the whole reason that this place was built and we were brought here was so that (a) Drew would get killed off to please Mr Wick. And (b) that the 13 ghosts would actually open up a gateway to the fiery and horrific depths of hell," the Canadian said naively.
Chesterfield slapped his palm against his forehead.
"Oh great one…just scare the ample dude off why don’t you," the Buddy Holly grumbled.
"You do realise if he doesn’t jump we will be forced to stay here forever and I personally think I’d go mad," Nikki spat.
"Too late," Drew mumbled under his breath.
"Look pig, just jump so we can all go home," Mimi hissed.
Everyone looked at Drew expectantly Drew looked around jittery.
"Oh man…it doesn’t matter what I do, I’m screwed anyway," he breathed.
"HEY DREW…REMEMBER US…WE’RE YOUR LIFE LONG FRIENDS…SAVE US YOU BASTARD!" Lewis yelled from the centre of the circle.
Drew reluctantly walked over to the edge of the circle.
"Jump and you’re a comedy genius," Chesterfield chirped.
"Jump and you open the gateway to hell," the Canadian shrieked.
"Genius," Chesterfield spat.
"Hell," the Canadian spat back.
"Can we just stop fighting," wailed the Gratuitous Naked Chick.
"Oh shut up you skank," Nikki snapped.
Before Drew could even consider his options the 12 ghosts and Chesterfield had started a full-blown fight between them. When it didn’t calm down Drew turned to them all.
"SHUT UP," he yelled and silence filled the room. "Ok…I’ll jump," he breathed.
"Drew," Kate gasped from the circle, "but you’ll die."
"Hey I was heading that way anyway…" Drew’s smirk fell and look at his three best friends. "In case I never see you guys again…I love you all and take care."
"That’s so beautiful," the Canadian blubbed.
Drew took a few steps back, ready for a run up. Kate buried her face in Lewis’s shoulder. Lewis closed his eyes and turned his head and Oswald clasped his hands over his eyes. They heard Drew’s run up, then silence and then a rather loud bang. They all looked up to see Drew standing next to the centre circle.
"Shit," Chesterfield grumbled.
The circle began to stop and the gyrating discs that had caged Kate, Oswald and Lewis fell flat.
"Drew," Kate gasped, leaping up and throwing her arms around him, "How did you know everything would be alright?"
"Actually I didn’t…it was a lucky guess…" Drew shrugged.
"You guessed?" Lewis spat. "Our lives were at risk and you guessed."
"Hey, calm down man…I figured if it was the ‘Eye of Comedy’ I’d never be that lucky and if it was the Gateway to hell…it didn’t matter because I already know I’m going to heaven," Drew beamed and bounced a happy dance.
"Smart move buddy," Oswald grinned and patted Drew on the back.
"I out smarted 12 psychotic ghosts and…him," Drew grinned, pointing to a rather depressed looking Chesterfield.
"Well I think calling us all psychotic is a bit rude," Randy huffed.
"What would you rather be called? Poncy English guy who obviously got murdered by a woman?" Kate spat, marching over to Randy.
Randy smiled at Kate. "Such a lovely black lace brassiere with matching panties you’re wearing," he remarked.
The colour drained from Kate’s face and she looked totally horrified.
"Check mate," Randy mused, poking Kate with a loofah.
"I defeated 12 ghosts, him and saved my friends from certain death…I am a hero…dadada." Drew sang to no one in particular, "And Mimi’s dead," he added and did yet another happy dance.
"Attention ghosts," Chesterfield eventually piped up.
The ghosts turned to face him.
"It seems that Drew here has ruined any chance of eternal peace for all of you…in which case you are all free to go…" He sighed and pointed to the door.
"What about our pay dude?" the Buddy Holly asked.
"You’re dead, what do you want paid in?" Chesterfield replied, dumbfounded.
"But we were promised payment and guest spots on prime time TV," the Token Black Guy grumbled.
"Gee who would have thought that even dead Hollywood actors could be so demanding," Lewis mused, turning to Oswald.
Oswald nodded and grinned.
"I’ll talk to my agent," Chesterfield eventually agreed.
"You’d better McFisticuffs," the Buddy Holly growled and turned to look at Lewis, "Watch you’re back dude," he added and then left.
The other ghosts looked at each other and slowly began to leave too.
Oswald poked Lewis in the ribs.
"Hey, I think he’s waiting for you," he mused, pointing to the Canadian.
"Oh man," Lewis sighed and looked at Oswald who was giggling.
Lewis rolled his eyes and reluctantly walked over to where the Canadian was standing wringing his hands.
"Are you ok?" the Canadian asked, concerned.
"I’m fine…I guess I should…ah…Can I thank you for saving our asses several times?" Lewis sighed.
"Did you know the pleasure was all mine?" the Canadian smiled.
Lewis paused. "I hate to be personal but…how did you die?" he asked.
"I don’t like going into details so let’s just say a large chocolate moose full of maple syrup had something to do with it," the Canadian replied.
The mental image of what must have happened popped into Lewis’ mind and he doubled over laughing.
"Bastard," hissed the Canadian and left looking crestfallen.
A tap on the shoulder startled Kate who was still getting over the horror of what the Randy One had said to her. She turned to see Larry.
"This is yours now," he said unemotionally and handed the end of Mr Wick’s lead to her.
Kate shuddered and reluctantly took it.
"Drew…can we get out of here," she called, holding the lead as far away from her as possible.
"Oh man…we have to get some clothes on him," Drew groaned, looking down at Mr Wick.
"I’ve been a very bad boy," Mr Wick smiled.
"Please tell me he’s going in the back of the van," Oswald cringed as he sauntered over with Lewis.