"This country is far too hot…it’s like being trapped in hell, but not quite as welcoming," Greg announced as he turned the air conditioning up.
          "I kinda like it," Ryan mused.
          "You would," Greg grumbled.
          "What do you mean by that?" Ryan asked dumbfounded.
          "I don't know…I'm tired and tetchy," Greg sighed.
          "I don't know about tired but you're always tetchy," Ryan retorted.
          "Well you're a fuckwit but you don't hear me going on about it," Greg huffed.
          "That was lame," Ryan breathed.
          "I told you, I'm tired," Greg hissed.
          "And tetchy," Ryan added poignantly.
          Greg leaned his head against the window and giggled. "Shut up."
          "Hey, what's this?" Ryan announced not specifically to Greg.
          Greg sat up and looked what was on the road ahead. There was a car oozing steam from the front, and a blonde woman in a power suit kicking the bumper and swearing loudly. Ryan slowed the car and pulled up in front of the other car.
          "What seems to be the problem?" Ryan asked as both he and Greg hopped out of the 4x4.
          "Oh no problem, I just decided to stop and abuse my car in the middle of the outback," hissed the woman.
          "Hey, as long as your happy," Greg sniggered.
          The woman turned around and gave him daggers, there was a quiet reckoning in her face and a she gave a wry smile.
          "Do you want me to take a look?" Ryan asked.
          "Trust me, it’s fucked," the woman grunted.
          "Did you call for roadside assistance?" Greg asked.
          The woman gave a harsh laugh. "Do you know how far it is to the closest garage? Besides my phone is out of range here."
          "Well aren’t you lucky we came along," Ryan perked.
          "That's debatable," Greg grumbled.
          "Oh yeah, it’s my lucky day," the woman scorned and wandered over the passenger side of her car and grabbed several bags, before she walked back to Ryan and Greg.
          "So are we going or what?" the woman asked.
          "Ah yeah," Ryan said, surprised by the woman's up front attitude.
          Once they'd piled in the 4x4, Ryan started the engine and they took off leaving the woman's car in a cloud of dust.
          "By the way I'm Ryan," Ryan perked, looking at the small, angry blonde woman on the back seat.
          "I know and he's Greg," she sighed.
          "And you might be?" Greg spat.
          "Gina Coleman…journalist," Gina smiled as she watched the horrified looks on Greg and Ryan's faces.

          "I thought we were going to a restaurant?" Brad queried as Ritza returned to the car with a bagful of food.
          "Well I thought of a better idea ok," Ritza jeered.
          "What type of better?" Brad asked.
          "Oh, now you see, that would be telling," Ritza cooed.
          "Not even a hint?" Brad whined.
          "Just trust me," Ritza smiled.
          "Fine…I put myself in your hands," Brad sighed.
          "While I'm driving!" Ritza shrieked.
          "Do you have to make everything I say into a double entendre?" Brad asked.
          "Yeah, sorry…it's genetic," Ritza mused.
          "How can entendres be genetic?" Brad chided.
          "You've never met my father," Ritza perked.
          "What's he like?" Brad asked as he toyed with the radio.
          "Oh you know, doesn't want his little girl to grow up. He used to be a big accountant…retired a few years ago now," Ritza sighed. "What about yours?"
          "Typical all American Dad…had slightly higher hopes for his son…that kinda thing," Brad breathed.
          "Now there's a thought," Ritza announced. "What do you do? I've been gallivanting around the countryside with you half the day and I don't even know what you do."
          Brad took several deep breaths, what does he do? What would he do if he weren't doing what he did?
          "I'm a zoo keeper," Brad mumbled.
          "No way! I love animals," Ritza squealed as she parked the car.
          "What's your favorite…no, let me guess…tigers?" Brad chirped.
          "Wrong! I love monkeys," Ritza grinned as she stepped out of the car.
          "Ironic," Brad mused to himself as he too stepped out of the car and looked out at the most beautiful view he'd ever seen, the most striking part being the crystal blue water that ran through the rocky outcrops and pooled at the bottom of the gorge.

          "So, if you were Brad, where would you be?" Chip asked as he turned off the main road onto a dusty track.
          "You want a short list?" Wayne shrugged.
          "Oh come on! They guy can't just disappear," Chip hissed.
          "Hey, it does happen you know," Wayne retorted.
          "Yeah but not to Brad…I can't imagine the horrors that bitch is inflicting on him," Chip cringed.
          "She might have got her heavies to beat him up," Wayne breathed.
          "Or worse," Chip added.
          "Poor Brad," Wayne sighed.
          "He was brave to follow her though," Chip nodded.
          "The bravest, Wayne agreed.
          They fell silent.
          "So which way do you want to head?" Chip asked.
          "Up the coast…might as well enjoy ourselves while we're at it," Wayne perked.
          "Up the coast it is," Chip perked and turned the car around.

          "I think the blood is starting to smell," Drew announced, looking gingerly at the bloodstain on the back seat.
          "No, no it’s just you," Colin sighed.
          "Oh haha," Drew spat.
          "No really, I'm serious…you stink," Colin scorned.
          "Oh and I suppose you smell like flowers," Drew hissed.
          "Better than a rotting cow," Colin spat.
          "You think I smell like a rotting cow?" Drew gasped.
          "Hey, I've got to be honest…it’s my nature," Colin mused.
          "Yeah…well fuck you buddy," Drew spat. "Stop the car," he added.
          "You want me to stop the car?" Colin asked.
          "Yes…Stop the car," Drew growled.
          Colin pulled to a very sudden stop, causing them both to jerk forward. Drew unclipped his seat belt, opened the door, got out and slammed it shut.
          Colin raised a bemused eyebrow, waved and sped off.
          "The bastard actually left," Drew gasped as a cloud of dust covered him. "HE ACTUALLY LEFT!"

          Colin drove out of sight, stopped, and searched the car. He found a mobile phone and was happy to see it was in range. He dialed Ryan's mobile number but was told it was out of range. He could however leave a message, so he did:
          "Ryan…Boy have I got some stories to tell you…I'm just letting you know I'm ok…call me when you get this message…I have to go and fetch Drew…he was being a bastard so I abandoned him about a kilometre away…"
          Colin ended his message and put the phone in the glove compartment. He then revved the engine and drove back to where Drew was sitting, sulking where he'd been left.
          "Get in," Colin sighed.
          Drew gave him fierce daggers.
          "You can stay here if you want," Colin mused.
          "Fine…but I'm only coming because I can't be bothered waiting for a car to come along," Drew grumbled.
          "Of course," Colin smiled.
          "You're a bastard, you know that," Drew mumbled as he got back into the car.
          "And to think, I keep outwitting you…Drew Carey…comedy king," Colin jeered.
          "Do you have something against me?" Drew scowled.
          "Would you like me to?" Colin asked.
          "Would I hell," Drew spat.
          "You can get out again if you're going to keep acting like a child…oh hold on, that's what you get paid for," Colin chuckled.
          Drew sat, mouth agape and wondering if the Australian outback was beginning to turn Colin stir crazy.

          "She has to go," Greg insisted.
          "Why?" Ryan asked.
          "She's a journalist," Greg said through gritted teeth.
          "And the cat's mother," Gina added. Ryan and Greg gave her bewildered looks. "Never mind," she added.
          "Let's just dump her at the next town," Greg huffed.
          "Gee and I thought the ‘asshole’ thing was just an act," Gina cooed as she fumbled through one of her bags.
          Gina pulled out her Dictaphone, among other things; Greg quickly snatched it up, opened the window and tossed it into the bush.
          "YOU BASTARD," Gina screamed.
          "Do you honestly think you're gonna be allowed anywhere near us with one of those?" Greg snapped.
          "It wasn't near you and it happened to contain the interview for my next article," Gina shrieked.
          "Well Miss Smarty Hack, you'll just have to find someone else's life to ruin," Greg spat.
          "What the fuck are you on about? I'm not paparazzi you stupid yank," Gina snarled.
          "Oh please…you're all the same…all out there getting your rocks off to other peoples tragedies," Greg growled.
          "WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP," Ryan yelled.
          Gina sat back and crossed her arms and Greg poked his tongue out at her.
          "My god, my kids are more mature than you," Ryan gasped.
          Greg and Gina fiercely eyed each other off.

          "This is amazing," Brad cooed.
          "I know," Ritza perked as she produced a tartan rug from the back of her car and spread it on a patch of grass.
          "Man, I haven't had a picnic in years," Brad perked.
          "Well you're in luck…I do a great picnic," Ritza chirped and produced several bags of chips, a bottle of coke, a mud cake and a punnet of strawberries that she'd bought earlier, "except when I haven't planned," she added and sat on the rug.
          Brad joined her on the rug but lay down and then went straight for the strawberries. Ritza quickly snatched them off him.
          "Ah uh…these are my favourites," she giggled.
          "So what do I have to do to get one?" Brad asked going into cute, sulk mode.
          "Hmm," Ritza mused, "kiss me."
          "You serious?" Brad asked raising an eyebrow.
          "Do I have reason not to be?" Ritza asked.
          Brad sat up and studied Ritza for a moment. He suddenly felt nervous and fifteen again. Did he stroke her cheek while he did it? Was he supposed to hold her hand or should he just go for it. He decided on the latter and began to slowly lean toward her. He closed his eyes when he felt her warm breath on his lips and then something sweet moved between his lips.
          Brad opened his eyes and plucked the strawberry from his mouth.
          "You goof," Ritza giggled and bit a strawberry.