Now.... here goes... Santa Claus.... he isn't real. Woah woah... hold on, don't cry yet, there's more.... The Tooth Fairy? Yup, also a lie. The hell?? Stop crying! It's all true! They're all fake!
Well, except for the Easter Bunny... He was real. I caught him in the yard, knocked him out with a tack hammer, and buried him in the garden. SHUT UP!!! It's no use crying! It won't bring him back! I said SHUT UP!! Do you wanna end up like the damn bunny? Huh? Do ya? Then... SHUT.... UP!
Good... now.... GO TO BED!!
Gawd... I hate kids.
