Our families on the other hand weren't so thrilled about the news. I think they were very disappointed and upset. That was hard for me to take. I wanted everyone to be happy for me, more than anything, which was too much to ask. I know the majority of them just wanted what was best for us.
I have to admit that our situation and some of our choices weren't the best, but truthfully, whose are perfect? I know our families wanted to look out for us and give us advice, even if we could've done without some of it. I felt like, since it was my life, I knew what was best for me. Even though we were unmarried, living together (with another roomate also), had an 8 year age difference (which might be considered illegal in some states!), and we argued constantly, it was still my life, my choices, my baby.
Some of our family and friends said we were just too young and this would surely ruin our lives. Others just kept their mouths shut, but I knew they thought the same thing as everyone else. That's just how it looked to them and for some people, that might quite possibly have been the truth. But it didn't apply to us. God had a plan. No one could even predict or understand exactly what God had in store, but he always knew what was best.
Very few people asked me if we were considering adoption. I was completely shocked by the idea that those individuals even thought to mention that. At least no one that I can remember brought up the topic of abortion, which saved themselves a slap in the face! My baby was wanted and loved more than anything. I most definately wasn't going to let someone else make life-altering decisions for me and no one could've changed my mind.
The months of pregnancy had went by so slowly. I was terribly sick most of the time and I didn't go out too much, which probably didn't help the fact that I felt depressed a lot. With people being so unsupportive, Matt and I still continuing to argue, I cried for hours at a time. I didn't know how to make things better and I wondered if they ever would be. I felt like I was ruining Matt's life and this whole situation was all my fault. I tried to take the blame for everything that went wrong. What a heavy burden to carry!
On September 30 at 12 weeks along, we heard the heartbeat for the very first time. What a moment!
On November 4 at 17 weeks along, we heard the heartbeat again. Things were still going very well.
On November 17, we went to the hospital for my 'big' ultrasound; the one I had been anticipating for months. They did all the measuring and probing and reassured us that everything was normal and we had nothing to worry about. They told us we were having a healthy baby GIRL! I just knew it! I wanted to throw confetti in the air and jump up and down, which I just might have done, if my bladder wasn't so darn full!
Shaina was so active, the technician had a tough time doing the measuring and finding out the gender. Shaina was moving around; doing flips and turns like she was showing off for us. They gave us 4 ultrasound pictures for her baby book.
On December 2, I had another regular doctor's visit. The heartbeat was strong and I was measuring just as I should be. Things were perfect, we were told.
Christmas came and went. My belly was growing and I couldn't have been more thrilled by it. Matt took my picture, showing my little belly, in front of our Christmas tree. At that time, we didn't realize that tree would still be up until the middle of January.
I loved to look at my pooching stomach and watch Shaina kick and move about. I'd see a little area of skin being pushed up and I always wondered if it was her foot, knee, elbow or maybe her hand. Sometimes I'd even give her a little 'love' nudge back; as if we were playing a game. Oh how I loved her more with each passing moment.
Matt also enjoyed feeling her movements. He would lay his hand on my stomach and wait. She'd give him a good kick! Shaina got more active when Matt was close by. She knew her daddy's voice. So amazing!
Right after Christmas, Shaina's movements stopped. I noticed the change, but being a first-time mom; I was naive and thought it was normal. I read somewhere in one of the many pregnancy books that I bought, as the baby grows bigger, it's movements would slow down, because it's space was becoming so restricted and there was less room to move about. I didn't pay too much attention to it.
I was trying to get over my bad cold and felt miserable, especially since I was used to taking medicine when I had colds, to make me feel a little better, but I couldn't even do that.
After a few days, right before we went in for my check-up, my belly button looked a little different; like it was starting to sink in a bit. I wondered if that was supposed to happen. I thought it would pop out farther, as the baby grew. I wasn't worried at all at that point. Pregnancies aren't that delicate, what could possibly be wrong, I thought. |
