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| Dear Pizza |
| Pizza the Hut |
| Welcome to Dear Pizza, the advice column where I, Pizza the Hut, answer your questions whenever I feel like it. Let's start with a letter Miles Prower of Freeloadingoffsomeoneelse, CA. Miles writes: Dear Pizza, My dog died last week. I'd known him since I was but a wee lad. I feel like a part of my soul has been ripped out with a monkey wrench and thrown to the ground-weasels. What should I do? Pizza Sez: Dear Miles, Your problem is that you are only remembering the good times. Remember all the times the lil bastard left a surprise on your kitchen floor, and your grief will disappear like Donuts at a Weight-Watchers meeting. And next time, get a damn parrot. Dear Pizza: Do you like Pizza Hut, Papa John's, or Dominos pizza services better? Which one produced you? Please, I'm dying to know. No really, I am. ~~Cranberry from SomeCountry, KS. Pizza Sez: Who sent you? Was it the folks at Azzip Tuh? Tell 'em I'm never going back, you hear me? NEVER! |
| Please kids, for the love of god, write to Pizza at [email protected]. |
| Oh, Mr. Clever Dick can highlight, eh? |
| Even as we speak, Pizza has his oven warmed up. Pizza is never going back to his old life. For our sakes and yours, PLEASE, ask Pizza for his advice! |