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Montreal, Canada- The Expos are tired of hearing the critics. They are tired of being a small market team that developes all the talent, then has them bought out from under them by the big clubs.
     They are tired of hearing about how they could have had Pedro Martinez and Randy Johnson if they just had the money.
     They have heard enough about how their lineup was robbed of Gary Carter, Larry Walker, Moises Alou, and most recently Rondell White and Brad Fullmer.
     Enough is enough already!
This is a new team, with a new policy. Keep the superstars...let go of everyone else.
In a shocking move last night, the Expos signed Vladimir Guerrero to a eight year 136 million dollar contract, let go of everyone else on the roster, and filled the space with 12 Dominican teenagers and a goat-who will make a total of 189 dollars a season, plus room and board.
     The Dominican teenagers will rotate pitching assignments and play all positions except center-field and right. Vladimir is in right, the goat is in center.
     "A lot of people are getting on us about this move" said Expos GM, Jim Beattie, "But they haven't even seen the

goat play, he's fucking incredible! On the road we might have some problems with him eating the grass out there and shitting in centerfield, but thats something people will have to deal with. He's got a real good on base percentage."
     Guerrero couldn't be happier with the move.
     "I feel like the contract is fair and I really like Canada, so I am going to be happy around here for a long time."
     The goat wasted no time in becoming the clubhouse prankster. Guerrero came in from batting practice and found his glove ripped apart and chewed to pieces. He yelled, "Who did this!," and looked around the room.
     The goat just stared at him while knawing on something, a little bit of leather sticking out of the corner of his mouth.

    Guerrero and the rest of the clubhouse errupted in laughter.
     "You can't be pissed at the goat," laughed Guerrero.
     "Thats the way he is, he keeps things loose around here. Yesterday he chewed up my cleats and then head-butted me in the ass when I was at the water fountain, he's a character."
     When Felipe Alou came out to find his lineup card chewed to pieces, he yelled at the goat and threatned to bench him.
     "I went into my office, still fuming, and I found a huge pile of shit under my desk with a note stuck in it, 'bench this,'" said the manager.
We needed a guy like this, Lee Stevens used to shit in peoples lockers a bit, but it wasn't as funny as when the goat does it," continued Alou.
     We're going to have a fun year.