loss of sense of self pointlessness meaninglessness overwhelming apathy amorality lack of motivation why should i do anything what is the point lack of emotions difficulty concentrating, focusing when it doesn't involve learning new things constant thinking, can not stop sees death as a positive, the next step however, that might not remain true but for now I am in control. suicidal but can't find a 100% method that is quick does not see the sanctity or worth of life does not see worth or meaning in anything disturbed sleep patterns disorganized thinking slow ability to learn/remember, longer than others at least memorizing requires far more repetition than i have time for detached from world mind is in another world while body stuck here speech gets messed up mixing sounds/adding sounds "derailing of speech" but not enough to impair effective communication got worse over time until i decided to willingly detach myself from my emotions/feelings just so i could handle daily life. the feelings were too overwhelming for me to handle with the rest of life. i became calmer, peaceful in outlook not in thinking, but very cold like a machine. i can tell is still getting gradually worse and worse lethargy lack of energy, drive all i want to do sometimes is sleep not sad, unhappy, happy, upbeat, or normal uncomfortable always, agitation without a source except overactive brain these symptoms make it hard to start, finish, work at daily tasks always in reflection, contemplation fully accepts everything as it is however it is does not truly care about anyone, even people who consider me a friend difficult to surprise, not surprised a lot of pacing lack of personality no cohesive whole as a person can tell what that there are various me's that talk to me hallucinations: olfactory, smelling things that other people cannot, and not smelling what other people do (minor, has never been relevant) some auditory but i can tell soon after that i was just "hearing" things eating a lot but no weight gain worth is subjective and pointless a trait study of various methods of suicide no drug use or medication don't feel the need to commit suicide as escape or improvement would just like to see what would happen, how the next world is different from this one don't need to kill myself, already dead even though there are destructive voices within, consider their ideas objectively i would not follow through without rational/ethical considerations am in control of actions believes that killing many humans (sick, homeless, poor, diseased, etc.) would help purify the human race and allow it to be better and allow it to last longer on earth since overpopulation spreads disease famine poverty however I know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, every gain is matched with loss, every action is pointless since its effect will not last no end can be achieved forever easily stressed out, stopping me from whatev er I'm doing easily annoyed though unlikely to express