once you got back
i could smell the cigarette smoke on you
i could tell you were around other people that
you cared more about than me
who you think of as a thing
that once you have got
you don't give it a second thought
so i've had enough of this
waiting for and pushing forward
it's time for me to turn around
go away without a frown
and you, look okay without
needing anything but what you
already have, and i am nothing
and i'm leaving
to be something other than
human though i'm alive again
animated by the push away
you gave to me
the only thing you ever gave
was that push away
and i totally embrace 
that gift