| Nice guys don't just finish last, they trip, stumble, get brutalized, humiliated and die before the end of the race. |
| Observation has taught me that Nice guys DO, and always will finish last. However I couldn't be totally sure without running the experiment myself. Two days ago I was a total and complete nice person. Yesterday I was an ass. Let's look at the results. Text shown in green is a favorable outcome of an action. Text shown is red is an unfavorable outcome, Text shown in yellow is a neautral outcome, and the white text shows the actual actions that led to the outcome. |
| 1. Woke up, let my sister have the last of the milk for her cereal - Ended up not having breakfast and going to school hungry 2. Carried my sister down to the car because she said she was tired - Hurt my back 3. Make good-humored jokes - People laughed 4. People asked me for answers on homework, I gave it to them. - The cheaters got a higher score than me. 5. At lunch I stood up on two poles and talked nicely and joked around in good humor with a group of people - Some blonde-haired nazi pushed the back of my knee in and I fell and hit my ass on one of the poles. 6. A seventh grader ran straight into me, and after I rammed him against the wall, I decided not to kick his ass, and I released him - The kid called me a pussy 7. I gave my friend some dating tips. Real ones - His girlfriend is now under the impression that he is more in-tune with her needs (His girlfriend is wrong) 8. I came home and wrote a heart-felt poem - Nobody cared |
| 1. Woke up, barricaded my sister's bedroom door closed so she couldn't get out until I had finished eating and getting ready- Had a filling breakfast 2. When my sister asked me to carry her down to the car, I carried her down the the curb, and left her there - Got to sit in the front seat 3. Tackled a seventh grader - People laughed; Seventh grader was disoriented. 4. My friend was doing a report on bugs, he asked me for help and I told him that certain catipillars turn into a CLITERUS before they turn into a butterfly - My friend will never know what a cliterus really is, and therefore his girlfriend will be in dire need of satsifaction. . . 5. At lunch I stood on top of two poles during lunch and flipped off numerous people while screaming profanities - My entire group of friends got kicked out of the spot we hang out in. 6. Two seventh graders were having a foot race, I casually stuck my foot out and tripped the one in the lead. - I saw a chubby kid fly 7. I slapped a girl's ass - The girl remembers my name now 8. Came home and updated my web site - People love my web site and now recognize that I kick ass |
| 5/15/03 |
| Nice Guy Agenda |
| Agenda of an Ass |