I need your help! I have this fish tank. It's a very nice fishtank. But my fish just wont die! Well, at least I don't think it's dead. It hasn't really moved much for a couple of weeks. I think it's a flounder fish. It's yellow with blue fins and blue strips. It has these really big eyes that are so sweet to look at. And it has blue eyebrows up on the top of his head. What would be a good way to see if my fish is alive?
From,
The fishtank looking in
I can see the severity of your problem. If I owned something that was sweet to look at I'd want it dead as well. Before I continue to my solution, let me simply state that I loathe the very fiber of your being due to the fact that you called me "Scoot." Honestly, how hard is it to spell my name right? It's a very common name. Scott. Scott. S-C-O-T-T. With that out of the way. Let the therapy commense!
As with all defenseless sea creatures, there is only one method of destruction that is both simple and efficient. Napalm. You can find the reciple for napalm in various chemistry books around your campus. However, from your skill in writing I assume that you are incapable of picking up a book. There is one other method I can think of for killing a flounder. . .In almost every town there is a renowned toxin producing facility, with enough poison in every product to rival school cefeteria food. This facility is known as "McDonalds." Purchase any product from this place, I suggest the artificially flavored, Chicken McNuggets. Next just drop any quantity of McDonalds "food" into your lovely fishtank. Either the fish will injest the toxins and die from eventual food poisoning, or he will commit suicide to avoid coming in contact wiith the edible pieces of hell. Regardless of which method you used in the assasination of the flounder, the remains (if any) of the fish should be given to McDonalds so that they may recycle your former pet to come out with a new gimmick burger.
Oh you have a nice-looking fishtank as well I believe. . .Hit it with a sledge hammer.
Sincerely,
S-C-O-T-T