| 4/5/03 |
| You know what sucks more than octipi? Jocks do, but so do relationships. I use the word "relationship" loosely of course because I will be talking about the kind of relationships I see around my school campus (and other school campuses.) This comprehensive article is designed to help you know exactly how much a certain relationship sucks and if it's worth salvaging. Note: This is targeted towards MALES, I don't have the time of day to delve into the female psyche, nor would I want to if I did. Here's the guide: The Sweetie School Relationship I see this far too often around my campus. Way too many people are striking pueberty just a bit late and are just now trying to start relationships. This relationship is basically two somewhat immature people doing nothing but hugging, occasional pecking of lips and cheeks, and constant holding and touching at lunch break. These are all desperate attempts to fake a relationship. It's truly pathectic no matter how you look at it. Possibly they are both doing it simply for show, so that they can give off the fascade of being in a real relationship. OR maybe they are actually enjoying themselves, which is just stupid in its own considering, in this type of relationship, after 6 months it's still not likely to be at second base. The two people engaged in this particular relationship are often both considered "cute." This means that they are fairly skinny and have yet to develop an actual BODY. Although this relationship will be good for your right hand strength, I wouldn't recommend it to those who don't plan to practice eternal abstinence. The "Loving" Relationship Now this is where things get messy. Adults experience this relationship all the time too. This is the relationship where two people are convinced they are in love. Very seldom are they actually experiencing the feeling of love though. You are in this type of relationship if you have ever hit the person you're in "love" with and she's taken you back. Of course this relationship could be the other way around and you MAY be the victim. However, females are generally more lethal with words, cutting down your emotions, self-esteem and ultimately destroying you from the inside out. Whether you are the victim or the aggressor in this, YOU MAKE ME SICK! You two are both too stupid to realise that this is not LOVE, and the only thing you are holding on to is FEAR! FEAR to go out into the real world like everybody else and suffer in a way that won't end in somebody going to jail. Do yourself a favor right now, go get a gun and shoot yourself in the fucking head to make sure you never procreate. If you already have kids, you're in too deep to quit now, and killing yourself would only make you burn in the hotter parts of hell. The Manipulator Relationship Now if there was a BEST relationship on this page, this would be it. I've been in this relationship NUMEROUS times. You are in this type of relationship if you use, lies, hypnossis or other forms of mind control (such as sex) to get a female to think exactly what you want her to think. This relationship is easily recognizable. If the girl is hot, and you are not, this is MOST LIKELY the relationship you're in. The best way to go about this is to find a girl with at least 30 IQ points less than you (cheerleaders are a good bet.) Now unless you are me (perfect in every aspect) you're going to need to avoid the more intelligent girls, unless they are either extremely vulnerable or extremely gullible. The one flaw in this relationship is you may make the mistake of starting to LIKE this girl. This is a big no no. You need to make sure that you don't respect her in the least, but make sure that she believes that you do. One word of warning as well, when these relationships end, girls tend to be bitter. However much you lied and decieved, that's how hard you will be kicked in the groin. Wear multiple cups, hell hath no fury like a cheerleader's PMS. Also, you may want to start using a fake name after a while, you don't want a reputation built up about you. Using a fake name is the best way to prevent early fatherhood. The Octipi Relationship (Pet Relationship) Now I know the name sounds strange, but I chose it because this is the absoulte WORST kind of relationship to be in. This relationship sucks. Octipi Suck. You are probably in this relationship if you're girlfriend is hot, you are not, but you do NOT lie, and deceive. Sorry my friend, but odds are you are being manipulated. However girls don't manipulate guys the same way we do them (not often anyway.) What a girl will do is find a decent model (think clay) and then try to mold it into something even better. If you fall in too deep eventually you will be going to things like teen church nights, volunteer car washes, or you may even own the movie, Gone with the Wind. . .However, light-hearted this may start, it will get worse, much worse. You are probably the stupid one in this relationship and are being treated like a pet. Think of yourself as a little puppy. I'm sure she loves you, but she's still going to concentrate on getting you house-broken and neutered. Now while this may not sound so bad, think about the word house-broken. House.....BROKEN....You will have your ambition, freedom, and even your will broken. After she has taken away your will to live, then you will be fixed. Now she PROBABLY won't actually hack your balls off, but merely the emotional equivelant. You will be stripped of your dignity and manhood and you disgust me. Meanwhile, while you are satisfying her emotional needs with your broken spirit, she will seek elsewhere to satsify her PHYSICAL need, and be warned MY door is always open for your girlfriend's physical needs. If you are in an Octipi relationship, may God have mercy on your soul. |
| Relationships make people bitter. . .Stupid ass relationships. . . |