Children's Stories and Nursery Rhymes
All children's stories were meant to have USEFUL morals, but unfortunately, due to all that politically correct propaganda, nobody has been told of this. . .Before now.
Goldy-locks and the three Bears: Don't fuck with bears. You'll die.
Little Red Riding Hood: Never trust an old person, they're out to eat you.
Jack and Jill: Chicks can't think for themselves and are never helpful. If you were to fall down a hill, rather than going for help, a girl would tumble down the hill after you.
Popular Books
Even books you've read have hidden agendas within them, meant to brainwash you. I will not tell you what they are,
Harry Potter #1
Don't assume that anyone is not trying to kill you. Somebody always is.
Harry Potter #2
People that smile are always secretly evil and are likely to use magic on you.
Harry Potter #3
Criminals are your friends. Always.
Harry Potter #4
If any popular, good-looking guy ever tries to go out with a girl your interested in, you can always count on a Lord of Evil to destroy him for you.
Harry Potter #5
Both the government and the faculty is incompitent and perhaps trying to kill you.
Charllotte's Web
Spders are all kaniving little pricks.
Holes
People actually bury treasure. Dig up everything. You will be rich eventually.
20,000 leagues under the sea
ANYTHING with tentacles is EVIL and should die a horrible agonizing death. (ie: Squids, Jellyfish, Octipi)
Popular Movies
Movies also have righteous morals and lessons in them. If you havn't caught on by now, Shoot yourself.
You've Got Mail
You can trust everyone you meet over the internet, there is always a possibility they are your soul mate and you should meet in real life. Try it.
Toy Story
There is NO toy, no matter how big and fancy that can replace a good old-fashioned Woody
007 Movies (All of Them)
It doesn't matter what you've done, or how many people you've killed, as long as you're good-looking, girls will flock to you.