| Girls are just like guys, except without penises, testacles, Y chromozomes, empathy, sympathy, guilt, compassion, willpower, intelligence, depth, and the right to urinate standing up. |
| So I was standing around at lunch, laughing, joking, and generally being the perfect person that I always am, when I began to talking to somebody, who happened to be standing near his girlfriend. I was probably saying something sexist and offensive, but that's not the point. I was talking to the boyfriend of some girl, and the boyfriend was laughing because, well, I'm damn funny. Eventually though the girlfriend got annoyed and told me to leave the area. For some reason or another (probably just for the sake of being an ass) I refused. The next thing that came out of her mouth was thing, and I quote, "Go away NOW or I WILL kick you in the balls." I, of course responded with something equally intimidating, "If that happens I WILL beat you down with a fucking baseball bat until you can't breath anymore, then I will trample you down into the ground and piss on your remains. . .So, fuck off" When did chicks get the right to threaten to inflict bodily harm on men? If you're male, and have ever had the misfortune of breaking up with a cheerleader you are aware that being kicked in the groin is comparable to being stabbed multipple times in the stomach, and then having the knife slowly twisted for about 12 hours. This, to me, constitutes "pain and suffering" and therefore gives you the right to sue. Of course I would prefer to keep my testacles intact so that I may spawn children that will one day take over my life's works (curing cancer, transforming matter, and executing octipi) over getting any sum of money. My point here is that men and women should be treated equally by society. No I don't mean that bikinies should be made for men or anything like that, for those nit-picking dipshits out there. I simply mean that the law, and people in general should be treated equally. I am fully aware that the truth of the matter is that men and women are NOT exactly equal, there are generally some vague phsysiological (as well as psychological) differences. I still believe that some serious reforms could be taken to make society a better place. I'm a poor person. I'm aware of this. It's not my fault. Why should I have to pay for the food and entertainment of some rich girl just because we're together on a Saturday? On top of that, SHE gets to choose what I buy? A tear-jerking romantic movie, a gallon of buttery popcon, and some chocolate. . .bah! These things are just going to make my life even more miserable. I'll have a whiny, spoiled, fat, girlfriend who holds me up to some impossible sensitive guy standard she saw in a movie. From now on the next time I'm buying, she's going to eat breast enhancement pills, tic-tacs and a nice strong sedative. All the movies that we see on my dollar must include full frontal female nudity and/or a series of large explosions. Another thing I can't stand in relationships is violence. This includes light punching, playful shoulder bumping, and angry slapping. If you lightly punch me, I will drop lightly kick your ass into the ground. If you bump your shoulder into mine, I will bump a car into yours. If you slap me, I will put you into a coma. I hope that every couple will follow my example. |
| I am not to be held responsible for any injuries you or your significant other sustain because of information found on this article. |
| 7/1/03 |