Title: Indirect Empathy
Category: Anime/Manga » Megami Kouhosei
Author: GataFairy
Language: English, Rating: Fiction Rated: T
Genre: Angst/Supernatural
Published: 05-27-02, Updated: 12-06-02
Chapters: 9, Words: 13,584

AN:
Yay. Me again. (^^) If I say anything I’ll probably spoil it. It’s what the summary says, and it may be cliché and … just cliché, I guess. But seeing it play out in my head is enough to make me wanna work on it. (Then again, most of my early-morning musings go to the mental trash bin.) But Musie seems to want me to be more outspoken and unafraid. *shrugs* I like this one, so I’m going with it. (No matter how many fics I have pending. :D I seem to enjoy multi-tasking…)

Standard disclaimers apply. Yes, people. It’s got lots of Azuma/Rill-ness. You no like, then no read. Go and shoo away. ^^;

“Why, thank you,” he said, not merely hinting at sarcasm. It was true, though. He wasn’t feeling his best lately. Especially not today. He was usually able to hide any discomfort. Then again, Rill wasn’t always around, so he couldn’t say he was great at keeping his weak moments at bay. However, today he was feeling worse. His head hurt and everything felt colder. When he touched something cold, it hurt.

He winced a bit when Rill pressed her cool palm to his forehead. She noticed and pulled away after a few seconds. Sitting beside him, she put a hand on his shoulder and gave him an inquisitive look.

That earned him a frown and half-glare.
“You’re the one who’s burning up. I’m just trying to help you.”

“I would hurt you if I didn’t know you’re already sick.” She waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. She sighed and grabbed his wrist while she stood. “Let’s go.”

She hmphed.
“You really are sick,” she said, shaking her head. “You need to get that fever checked out.”

“Aren’t you done for today?” he asked as he followed her to the medical wing.

Azuma decided he was feeling too tired to argue, and knew that if he did, Rill would probably win anyway. So he just followed silently and obediently.

Once at the medical wing, Rill decided that she wanted to run the tests herself. She drew some blood and took his temperature for an accurate reading. Azuma seemed to not be getting better, so she gave him acetaminophen(1) caplets to ease the pain and lower the fever for at least a while.

“A few hours,” she replied. “Are you going to wait, or do you want to leave?”

He only shrugged. His thinking was clouded, and it didn’t matter to him what the results were. It was probably just that he needed to rest more or something. Had he been neglecting taking care of himself lately? Thinking back, maybe he should cut back on the stress and the smoking. Maybe… Maybe not the smoking, but definitely the stress.

He couldn’t remember exactly what it was that helped pass the time so quickly and decided that he’d probably fallen asleep. It was rather disturbing to watch Rill frown at the results sheet.

“Am I dying?” he asked with a lopsided grin, realizing he felt better after the rest.

The blonde snapped out of her thoughts and turned her gaze to him.
“Hm?” She recovered quickly. “Oh, eh…” She shook her head. “No, you aren’t. But…”

He raised an eyebrow when she frowned again, index finger curved and over her lips as she thought.

“I think that…” She shook her head after saying that to herself and gave Azuma a tired smile. “I need some more information, if you don’t mind. There are some things that should be checked that we didn’t get in these.” She shook the paper in her hand a bit, indicating she meant the results.

Again the instructor shrugged. He didn’t care, but only to keep her from constantly pestering him, he nodded. He wasn’t in the mood to be putting up with her, and didn’t have the strength to do so, either. Again with the needle and again with the small, round bandage, and the thin glass tube filled with maroon blood was sent to be examined.

This time she didn’t wake him up. She was too busy reading the results over and over again. She had been very specific with what tests were to be run so she could get the most precise results available. It was a few pages now, some of which were a useless waste of paper. But that wasn’t what grabbed her attention. ‘SLE? And he didn’t know? It can’t be.’ She shook her head. ‘Not at this stage, no. Something has to be wrong. The condition can’t have advanced this much and gone by unnoticed.’

He had caught her shaking her head. She looked surprised when she looked up. She looked from him to the results and back to him again, then stood rather inelegantly. That wasn’t like her. Something was wrong.

She was at a loss for words. That wasn’t Rill Croford at all. He stood and walked until he was in front of her, just a few inches away.

She looked down at the papers, then lowered them and looked up. Her voice came out soft and unsure.

AN: Hate me if you must, but I can’t seem to write good angst without medical things involved. Since Rill is a doctor, I jumped at the chance, thinking about how perfect and convenient that is. (^^) SLE or Lupus is a disease that I am far too familiar with through family relations and personal experiences. For more information, please visit The S.L.E. Foundation - . It’s a wonderful site with easy-to-understand info. (Surprised even me!)

I’ll be dealing with SLE at one of its more far gone stages. It can actually happen, as I know of one case. I’ll throw in more personal tidbits in the ANs. Reviews, if you’ve come this far already? ^^ Please?

AN:
I left it there because I wanted to put it up. (^^) Not angsty yet? Well, well, my precious readers, you obviously haven’t a clue as to what Musie and I have been cooking up. (I feel so mean, but what is an author if he or she doesn’t have a meanie side?) *tsk tsk* Again I restate that this is fully possible and I know of one case this bad.

“Systemic Lupus Erythomatosus,” she slowly repeated. “Or, far more simply, S.L.E., or, even more simply, Lupus.”

An awkward silence followed. The two seemed to be in thought, what with Azuma’s semi-comical expression and Rill’s partially shocked one.

“It’s an immunological disease in which the body creates antibodies against itself,” she explained.

Rill shook her head, having recovered from the initial disturbing impact of the information.

“There is no known cause or cure. It just happens to some people. That’s all I know. Rheumatology isn’t my field.”

‘You’re really concerned about this, aren’t you?’ the instructor thought. He held back the grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth and tried to read the doctor’s purple eyes. That proved to be difficult due to the many conflicing emotions in them and the exhaustion he was feeling. He sighed, and she looked to one side, then back at him.

“You need to rest,” she stated smiling up at the taller man. “We can look into it some more tomorrow if you feel up to it.”

“You can… go look into that ESP thing,” he said, turning and starting his walk away. “But don’t stay up too late.”

“It’s called SLE and that’s not funny,” she annoyedly called after him. She watched his shoulders move with a chuckle before the door closed behind him. Now that she was sure he wouldn’t know, her eyes drifted to the results and her brow creased again. After a moment’s hesitation, she headed to a console in another room and began her research.

Tossing his jacket to the back of a chair, Azuma Hijikata made his way to his bed. Once in it, he stared out to the front and let his mind wander.

He tried to say the full name of the disease. “Systemic Lupus Erythamima—…” No, that wasn’t it. There was only one ‘m’ in that word… wasn’t there? “S.L.E.” It sounded so false. Unreal, even. He shook his head, thinking that it couldn’t be all too serious. He got a sudden impulse to sit up and smoke a cigarette, but ignored it, thinking that if he was sick, that wouldn’t be a very smart thing to do. Not that Rill would find out, though. No one would, actually. Still, he couldn’t tuck away the feeling that she would somehow just know.

Lupus didn’t sound like something that existed. It also didn’t sound like something he was burdened with. Facing the glaring facts, he knew absolutely nothing about the disease’s existence in the first place, so he didn’t know the symptoms, or if it even showed any. Apparently, having a fever for no real reason was one of them, because if Rill had insisted on tests… No, it couldn’t be, because that wasn’t what she’d asked for results for the first time. It was something about those first results that made her want to go and test him for other things. But he wouldn’t find out, at least not on his own. Knowing her, she’d keep those papers near her at all times until she thought it was safe.

But it didn’t bother him. He didn’t really care. He was too tired to think about it, and sleep was looming over his eyes now. He fell asleep the instant he closed them.

Faint, rhythmic typing sounds echoed in the room as Rill searched for more information. It was very, very late, but she was so wrapped up in her search that she didn’t notice. She had found bits and pieces of information here and there, but nothing to satisfy her. She didn’t know exactly what it was she was searching for. All the information she’d found so far was about the beginnings of SLE and about keeping it from getting worse. She tried putting in the numbers from the test results pages and found that she’d have to sift through dozens of mini-articles.

She heaved a nervous and irritated sigh as she leaned back a bit in her seat. She rubbed at her eyes with one hand, staring blankly at the screen afterward. After a while, she blinked in surprise and leaned forward to read the text.

The more she read, the more she realized how prophetic her initial worry had been. A twinge of fear crept up on her. She found herself shaking her head at many things about the treatment and complications of the disease when it had advanced so much. Before jumping to any conclusions then and there, she decided she would observe Azuma closely for the next few days.

The observation lasted about a week, every day adding the grim facts that Rill had feared were true. Azuma noted the change in her demeanor, though she was pretty good at hiding it from everyone else. Still, he could see that hint of despair, or even grief, that tainted her otherwise proud exterior. Her head hung an imperceptible degree lower, and her eyes weren’t as cat-like. It was starting to get to him now. She was reluctant to reply, but he knew she would give in eventually.

Her purple eyes scanned his brown ones. ‘You don’t realize the severity of what I have to tell you. I’m so sorry.’

As a final attempt to stall, she combed a hand through his hair, grasped a tuft of it, and gently pulled. Numerous dark strands were cought between her fingers. Moving her hand away, she shook it to free the hairs. She stared at the pinkish rash on his forehead, nose, and upper cheeks. The glaring indication that it was unavoidable to speak about it.

Still, she clung to hope. She took his left arm and lifted it, keeping it straight and out to his side.

“Tell me if it hurts,” she said, trying to disguise any irregular emotion. Then she lifted the arm. He winced and groaned quite a way before the elbow was at level with the shoulder. She tried the other one and got an almost identical response. She patted his arm and gathered herself.

“If you don’t start on treatment at this stage,” she began, “it can have serious complications, and even be fatal if it gets too extreme. SLE patients tire easily and suffer from joint pain, inexplicable fevers, and rashes on the neck or face. These and other symptoms can easily be confused with various other diseases. SLE itself can be thought to be something else unless the tests conducted are specific. There may be times when the patient feels fine, and those when the magnitude of the symptoms increases. These are called flares. Right now, Azuma, you are either entering or coming out of a flare. I highly doubt it’s the latter, though.”

“Wait a minute,” he cut in at her meant-to-be-brief pause. “You mean to tell me that even though you knew shit about SLE, you suspected it? How the hell is that possible?”

He had caught her off guard. Completely off guard. She expected an outburst of sorts, but not this particular question.

“I, well… I-It just—” She gazed into his mud brown eyes and felt even more clueless. “I don’t know, really.”

“Is that so,” he intoned flatly. “Well find out, because I find it rather interesting that you somehow just knew what to look for.”

She sighed, wriggling her fingers at her sides and closing them into loose fists as she thought.

“I heard about it once, at a colony,” she stated slowly. “It was woman who had it, and I remember hearing about the tests they performed and the results and such.”

He said nothing, as if expecting her to say something more. She did have more to say, but she didn’t want to say it. And he could tell.

There hung a silence now. Rill was beginning to feel guilt about having said that last statement so bluntly, even if he had apparently wanted to hear it. There was nothing she could do about it now, and maybe it was better if he knew the consequences of not receiving treatment and neglecting to take care of himself. True, she had read about side effects and possible complications from treatment itself, but it was better to fight than to let anything, and in this case, disease, take over.

SLE was beginning to seem all too real and far too close to Azuma. It was looking vile and grim, like leprosy, or a plague. The fact that Rill somehow knew —and actually did know and did not tell him— irked him very much, especially now since he wasn’t at his most awake mental state. It was true that he was feeling almost exhausted, and that it happened every once in a while. She hadn’t said that she noticed, but her uncanny accuracy was starting to take on an eery prophetic sort of tone. He was not in any way happy about it, either. Analyzing what’s she’d said just now and last night, he deduced that he was somewhere near the critical stages. But then he remembered treatment. That meant that hope was not lost. He tried to keep back a laugh, feeling amused at the sudden rush of hope for something that seemed more like fiction than anything else. He would play along, be it real or not, because right now he couldn’t tell, and he frankly didn’t want to.

“You said something about treatment,” he said, shattering the silence. “What kind of treatment?”

‘I was expecting you’d ask that, though fervently hoping you wouldn’t.’

AN: No, I’m not sorry I left it at that. ^.~ I’m just juggling a lot of things in my mind right now. (Nyaa…-_-) I wanna write so many things! -_-; But I should finish at least one of the ones I have now. ^^;

IN: (info note)
Yes, all the symptoms are correct. I was in the room when my parent was getting a check-up at the rheumatologist, so that’s pretty much how it goes. ^^; Ironic how I’ve always said I won’t be a medic or anything related, and yet I find certain aspects of the field to be so intriguing. (Eep! Big words…)

AN:
Yes, I update soon when I’m inspired. ^^ Didn’t you notice that at one point it was almost everyday-uploading for Rain, Rorie-san? *shrug* Oh well. I’m working on it. Don’t worry. ^^ Standard disclaimers apply. (Irony: My mother just said I look good in white. Is it coincidence that I just so happen to be a fan of the “Madonna in White”? Food for thought. Mwaha!!)

I’ve been following this original anime/manga fic from the start, and it just got so sad… I cried, because of one of my fave characters… It’s Tenshi no Tsumi, and it got me in the mood for angst. ^^; *wipes away tears*

But now that Rorie-san has popped me out of it… -_-; (You know I luv ya. ^.~) …and reading Tenshi no Tsumi brought it back! ^^;

Azuma had no idea of what would happen to begin with, but being faced with the facts… It was now that he realized why Rill looked so pained. It really was serious. Terribly, painfully serious. And he hadn’t even begun his treatment. Even when she was just telling him about it, it seemed horrible.

And that was what he did. He went there earlier than the time she had indicated, though. Strange as it seemed to even himself, he had developed a habit of being prompt. He tended to slack off a bit when he was a Candidate, but after everything he’d been through during those years, he had decided that he would shape up. Thinking about those days brought back an onslaught of nostalgia, and that, plus the newer, more frightening things he was facing now, were enough to get him to start breathing a bit more deeply.

The air at the medical bay seemed colder than that of the corridors, he thought grimly. Then his sanity —or the part of him that was in denial; no one would know— slapped him, and he realized that this could not be real. That it was not happening. And that he would wake up from this dreadfully long nightmare sooner or later.

A somber-looking Rill greeted him and led him to a place he was sure he hadn’t seen before; a place that seemed like one a frightened child would see in a nightmare. The few seats made it feel like a hellish place…. But those would only be the thoughts of a child. A lonely, fearful child. He was neither alone nor a child. Then again, the distant look in her eyes was not indicative of company. He soon realized that he really did feel like lonely, scared boy.

He took hold of her arm when she stepped forward without saying anything. She didn’t look back.

There was the soft sound of a gentle slap, which was really just Rill swiftly moving her fingers to Azuma’s lips. Her eyes were closed and her head inclined.

“If you could just be more patient,” she said. “I do plan to tell you. Just wait for me to do so. Don’t rush into things. Especially not something like this.”

“It’s complicated,” she said with a sigh. She tried to say something else, but didn’t —or couldn’t— let herself say it. She nodded again. “Complicated.”

“Don’t stall any longer,” he half-scolded. “I’m going to know sooner or later.” He looked around, eyeing the ominous chairs a few feet away. “And it seems like ‘sooner’ is the more probable outcome.”

She let out a small sigh, then indicated to a seat nearby. He sat down, and she pulled a small stool next to him, to his right, and sat there. In came nurses Yukine Simmons and Mitche Lucas, but he didn’t have time to see what they were going to do, because Rill spoke to him with words he never imagined she would say the way she did.

So she placed her hands over his eyes as Mitche came closer. The doctor pulled one hand away to take a metallic, round basin from the pink haired nurse, which she set on her lap. Carefully, she lifted her hand to see if the instructor had closed his eyes, and he hadn’t. She sighed rather loudly.

“Azuma, please, just listen to me,” she said. “Close your eyes. It helps.”

“Just tell me what you’re going to do,” he demanded, letting his voice sound as exasperated as he felt.

“Excuse me?” Azuma said almost immediately after the jumble of syllables came out of her mouth. “You’re going to give me chemotherapy?” One eyebrow was raised in disbelief, and he pushed away her hand to give her a stern look. “Why in hell would you do that?”

“Just… Just close your eyes!” she pleaded, again placing both of her hands over the pair, his small glasses now in the possession of her fingers.

Thoroughly annoyed, Azuma sighed and obeyed, hoping she would notice the motion of his eyelashes against her skin. But apparently she didn’t.

Rill waited a moment to reply as Yukine injected a needle into the instructor’s arm. Once that was done, she slowly pulled her hand away, observing the unreadable expression on his face. It turned into a grimace, which she guessed corresponded to the sudden stinging sensation he felt at the site of the piercing. Also, it meant that the medication had started to drain from the elevated cylinder into his bloodstream. Mitche set a cloth and bowl filled with warm water on the floor beside the doctor, to which the blonde nodded her thanks. She lightly clasped her cold, clammy hand onto his equally moist one and felt his fingers close around hers.

“It’s complicated,” she repeated, this time in a whisper. “I’ll be at your right side if you need me for anything, okay? Your right side…”

Some time passed, during which she accomodated and reaccomodated the short strands of his hair that were nearest his face. Then she saw him frown. She grasped the cold basin and put a hand behind his shoulder, repeating to him that she was to the right. She closed her eyes as he heaved what was in his stomach, but not out of disgust. It ran deeper than that. It was as if she felt everything, and wanted desperately for everything to return to normal.

She set the container on the ground when he lay back in his seat, and she took the damp cloth with her right hand and wiped his face, whispering words of applogy and comfort to the heavily breathing instructor. It took a great deal of effort for her to keep herself from breaking into tears.

He opened his eyes half way and fixed his gaze on hers. There seemed to be sorrow and grief in the amethyst circles as she returned the look. Dropping the cloth in the bowl of water, she leaned next to him, one arm behind his neck and going almost to the arm closest to her, and the other one extended to hold his right hand. Her fingers gently stroked his.

‘I’m so very sorry,’ thought she. ‘You don’t know… how hard it is for me… or how… how hard it will be, later…’

Involuntarily, her grip on his hand tightened, and she leaned in closer, until they were cheek against cheek. He felt her deep sigh.

AN: Now’s where it gets really complicated. See, I have a lot planned out, but not divided into chapters. *-_- Nye…* So updates may vary in speed. (Add to that the fact that I started the Miss GOA fic, and, well… Enough said. *blush* Heh-heh…)

Reviews are good, yeah. They give me confidence boosts, and if I get those, then you’ll see more frequent updates. ^^

SLE info:
My parent was on a lesser form of chemo, but said parent stopped taking it after side effects kicked in. (But said parent has to admit, at first the pill worked wonders and killed the tiredness). Pill, you may ask? Yes. The name in —Spanish— for it is Plaquenil. They’re bone-shaped, and my parent said that they are, in reality, a form of chemotherapy. (Ironically, said parent stopped losing hair through the treatment…) And another tidbit! That rash thing can appear in your scalp, and it hurts like hell when you comb through it. *winces* How many times have I felt that this week? -_-;

Standard disclaimers apply. And if I hadn’t said it before, or if you just don’t know, I am the anti-lemon, and I am very conservative in what concerns relationships. I can tolerate, but not approve. ^^; That just sounded so…official!

“Well, obviously I won’t during the first week or so, but I will go back. What? You expect me to just drop everything?”

“No. But I know you’re pretty whimsical, and that you tend to change your opinions about things very quickly.”

Azuma reacted well to treatment, and in a very short period of time since it began, he was showing signs of improvement. There were no complications.

The side-effects were, of course, inevitable. He dropped weight at a tremendously fast rate, and lost his hair. This was all expected, though, and so it was less of a burden to deal with.

When he got the ‘okay’s he needed, the instrutor began working again, though the hours were cut a bit. Snipped so he could start later, snipped so he could finish up earlier, another few minutes here and there. It didn’t matter to him that much, though. He was glad that he was finally able to weasle out of Rill’s ever-watchful eye. Not that she was always there and never anywhere else. She was just a wee bit on the obsessive side. Sure, he knew it was just the only way she knew to let him know she cared and/or was worried, but he couldn’t help but feel suffocated…

For the most part, it was fun having her around to make sarcastic comments at and with. There was, in reality, no actual defamation or the like. Both of them were rather clear on the fact that that was just mean and horrid, as they had decided to call it since their Candidate days. They made, in a way, a small shelter for themselves, away from everyone else, and away from all comments. At any given moment, she would leave, and he would be left with solitude as his only companion. It was then that he would reminisce and realize how much he loved her, and, thinking back and to the present, how much she loved him, no matter how well and stubbornly she refused to admit it to the masses. But shenever hid it from him. Not intentionally, anyway.

And that was just as well. They didn’t exactly need the ‘publicity’, what with the whole ‘White Gowned Madonna’ thing. It was funny when he thought about how it originated, but if it stuck, it stuck, and nothing could be done about it now.

Those tiny white pills —he forgot what they were called— gave him intense headaches. More like migraines, really.

She had explained that a possible long-term side effect of them was blindness. When he complained that the headaches hindered his sight, she immediately ordered him to stop taking the medication. The effects, however, would linger on for a few more days, during which time he was excused from his duties.

For the umpteenth time that day, he sighed, rolled his eyes, and replied, “It’s not your fault.”

“I know…” ‘But you obviously don’t know that it’s horrible to have to just sit by and watch.’

Desperate for an excuse or something to say —and consumed by worry, as well— Rill consulted the instructor’s watch and stood, satisfied with her findings.

She shook her head while smiling and left the room, but the minute the door closed behind her she leaned on it and sighed helplessly. Her eyes shone with the emotion, as well as something she couldn’t quite place.

It was a whisper. But that word alone made incredible sense and seemed to hold the solution to everything.

Searching for everything. Every small piece of information, every word, every letter. Every snippet of data. Everything.

Bleah, that was awfully light-hearted. -_-; I just wanted to get to the point fast. Yes, I have a new plot bunny. ^^ It frightened even me, I tell you!

So…reviews will be appreciated. ^^ Y’know what’t weird, though? That I can’t seem to write anything without at least something supernatural in it! *clamps hands over mouth* Oopsies…

AN:
Again, I’m just trying to cover the rough scenes in my head that I had made for the original plan. Once this chapter’s done, it’ll be a wee bit easier for me to get the next ones out… Standard disclaimers apply. Three characters get a cameo, but that’s all those three are getting…

Rill searched day and night for anything and everything concerning SLE. She would only stop to go see how Azuma was doing, or when she needed to be working.

“I’ve never seen her look this tired before,” Yukine commented in a low voice to Mitche. “Have you?”

The two watched the doctor’s movements. Her eyes were only half opened, and there was a sort of shadow under them. That shadow came from lack of sleep.

“I wonder, though,” Yukine continued. “I know she’s dedicated, but this is ridiculous. Have you noticed that every time we walk in and out of here, be it on shifts or on breaks, she’s in here?”

Mitche nodded. “I come back early from breaks sometimes, and I can hear typing, and, only a few times, printing. More than once, it’s been her.”

Yukine shot her friend and co-worker a worried look. “You don’t think Instructor Azuma…”

“I doubt so,” Mitche said, returning her gaze to Rill’s back. “Most probably, everyone would have found out.”

“Yes.” Yukine cast her gaze down, then to the subject of the conversation. “It worries me, though.”

The sound of the door opening and closing along with footsteps approaching them interrupted their reverie and conversation. They turned to regard the three girls who came, dropping their thoughtful expressions for ones of smiles and warmth.

“Hi,” Mitche greeted. “What brings you three here, Repairer Candidates 87, 88, and 89?”

Kizna was at the front of the three, with Ikhny half hiding behind her and to her right, and Saki at her left. In her hands, the pink haired girl held a card. The three were smiling.

“Is Instructor Azuma here? We’d like to give this to him in person,” Kizna said. “A wish for him to get better soon.” She smiled a bit more brightly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Yukine, with her own smile. “He is not here right now. But, if you like, we can give it to him later—”

Mitche and Yukine each took a small step back to let Rill handle this instead. The doctor’s voice had sounded only half tired, but she managed to give it a friendly air, as with her expression.

“Oh, hello, Dr. Croford,” Kizna addressed. “We just wanted to give Instructor Azuma this card, because we don’t want him to think he isn’t missed.” She smiled again.

The taller blonde woman took held out her hand for the card and took it once the cat eared girl placed it in her palm. She looked it over quickly, then nodded at the Candidates.

That same tired smile on her face, the doctor left the room, looking at the white envelope of the card as she did so. Five pairs of eyes followed her until she disappeared.

“Did… Did you see her eyes?” Ikhny whispered, eyes still at the door Rill had disappeared out of.

“You’ll have to excuse her,” Yukine said softly. She turned her gaze to the Candidates. “She’s been very stressed lately.”

Mitche nodded her agreement. “And I believe that the fact that someone thought to bring Instructor Azuma a gift of sorts only stressed her more,” she said. “Not to offend you at all, but, I think she may get the impression that he will die.”

Kizna sighed, polite smile waning with the exiting air. “I guess so. I hope they both feel better soon. ‘Bye.”

They left as silently as when they had entered, leaving the nurses to regard the place the doctor had stood last.

“That was a bit tactless of me,” Mitche said, blush of shyness creeping into her cheeks. “I hope they aren’t offended. It was such a nice gesture.”

“I think they understand,” Yukine stated. “They’re smart girls, and they noticed the same things we did.”

“Yes…” Yukine’s gaze softened more with her blink. “So very much unlike the doctor…”

She didn’t exactly feel the lack of sleep. Or maybe she did, and simply refused to acknowledge it. Be it whichever reason, Rill searched late into the night for any scrap of information she could find.

She read article after article, word after word, not caring if some where almost word-for-word repetitions of other pages she’d read. It was no longer a search for the need of it. It had turned into an outright and blatant obsession. But, of course, she refused to see it as such. Or maybe she simply did not know that it was such…

Where the obsession came from was an almost incomprehensible detail. It could be a few things. Blindness on her part, which meant the sudden ignorance of the fact that she, as a medic, should have more deeply rooted within herself than anyone else.

Or it could be induced by that one word, the word that encompassed so much in its one syllable, four letters, and three phonemes:

How the word or command had come to her was an even bigger mystery, but it was not the bigger problem. The problem was in the obsession.

And only one person seemed to actually notice that it was, in fact, an obsession. An illogical obsession, at that. But he kept silence. That is, until he could no longer keep it.

Azuma looked up from his seat when the door opened. He was met by the tired gaze of Rill, who sepped past the doorframe and let the door slide shut behind her. He at once noticed all the sings that pointed to her lack of sleep; he narrowed his eyes a bit as she came closer, oblivious to the look of concern in his brown eyes.

He stood and walked to her, standing just a few inches away. She had to tilt her head back to meet his gaze, but she did not waver in the almost drugged up look in her violet eyes.

“Who said anybody was dying?” Now she looked a bit worried, but still out of herself. “Azuma, are you not telling me something?”

His penetrating gaze was unwavering, but it seemed to go by unnoticed to the blonde woman he gave it to.

“Then hurry and tell me.” She frowned, a bit confused when he about faced and took a few steps forward. She followed and, when he didn’t respond quickly enough for her, she stepped in front of him and went on, “Azuma, you’re scaring me.”

She laughed a bit and shook her head. “Hey, I’m supposed to be taking care of you. Don’t try to change the su—”

She gasped when he suddenly pushed her against the wall. Her eyes were wide with fear and surprise, and her breathing quickened when she was met with an almost icy stare that seemed to be able to see her soul.

“I-I just…” She could find no words out of the tremendous fear that came over her. It increased three-fold when he pulled her away and pushed her back again, her head making abrupt and painful contact with the metallic wall.

No matter how much she tried, she could not move her gaze away from his. “I just… I-I want to…”

“I do!” She flinched at the sudden rising of his voice, and thus she nearly squeaked her answer out. “I-I do…” Clear tears that had formed at the corner of her eyes now began to fall down her cheeks.

“So then why do you insist on acting that way!! You’re not the one who’s sick. It’s me. Me!”

“It’s not just you!!” Her voice broke as the fearful sobs she had tried to hold back began to escape. Finally, she was able to look away and close her eyes. “It’s me, too… It’s me, too…” And then she couldn’t speak because of those sobs.

That was when he pulled her close and let his silence comfort her. He knew that he had been a bit too harsh, but he had already considered other options. It was better to simply shake her out of the state she was in. She would recover in time, he knew very well.

AN:
Finally. We get to see the plot bunny’s entrance. Actually, now that I think about it, the bunny may take a bit to come through, even though I had scheduled it for this chapter… Well, I dunno. Lemme just see how this chapter turns out. I’ll give you my thoughts at the end AN. (These chapters are kinda short, ne? -_-; Oh well…^^) Standard disclaimers apply.

Alone? Ah, the ghost of solitude was there, lingering in the backdrop, threatening to place its claws around the neck.

Truly alone? Not really, no. Azuma was there, so Rill could not say that she was alone.

And even if she had been shakened, or awakened, or pulled out of that previous state of mind, she returned to it, driven by that voice. Again it was as if it wasn’t even herself who was walking around, speaking, working… searching…

“But it’s so strange,” said Yukine. “She was fine yesterday and the day before…”

“I know, I know.” Again he sounded irritated. “It’s making less sense than before…”

“That might not be such a bad thing to do…” Yukine mused aloud. “After all, it was what helped me way back…”

“Is it some woman thing to speak in code?” he asked, sounding only half serious. The other half sounded sarcastic.

The instructor blinked and stood, taking a few steps toward the door before turning to address them.

“Y’know what? Talk to her if you really want to…” he said rather warily. “You can tell me about it later.”

‘Just once more… Thou, too. The other half… The other half of the beginning of it all…’

‘ “Why?” I hear thine voices ask? Why, that is a question so simply answered…’

‘Because the one I love is dead, and because I am dead, and because I love him, and have not found him in this accursed realm…’

She stepped out from the darkness, and the milky white, glowing skin of her legs and the shoes on her feet, of the same color, could be seen. Her eyes were hidden beneath the shadows of her lowered face.

She looked up, glints of anger, grief, obsession, and rage evident in her grey eyes.

He observed her as she walked inside the room, looking more out of it than she had before. They had not spoken with her. That was what the two had said. It was all for the better, though. It was much more… honorable this way.

She turned her head to him and gave him that same tired smile as several days ago, eyes half open and deficient of the essence that made her who she was.

He did not answer. Instead, he walked to where she stood and placed his hand in her hair, then slid his arm around her neck, bringing her close until their foreheads met and looking at each other’s eyes was unavoidable. Her eyes seeemed to close a bit more in response.

Looking sternly yet kindly into her eyes, he spoke the question that had been pestering him for quite some time.

“You…” She lifted her hand to his eye and gently touched the corners of them, one by one, dragging tears away. “You’re crying…” She frowned in concern. “Why?”

Her eyes shot open. “Me? What did… What have I done?” She didn’t let him speak. “A-All I’ve done is… is make sure you’re feeling well.” She stepped back, looking hurt, but still not quite right. “How can you say that?”

All he did was step closer, pull her into that all-too-familiar embrace, and kiss her. She responded and cast one arm over his shoulders.

She pulled away and looked up, an odd sort of worry tainting the amethyst circles that were half-hidden by eyelashes. She placed both hands on his shoulder and averted her gaze to them. “Did that hurt? Do you need—”

And in one swift motion, he stepped away and struck her cheek with the back of his hand. He looked almost impassive as he stared at the mark and the vertical, deep red line to the left side of her upper lip. Impassive, almost, even though salty tears fell from her eyes, down her now pink left cheek, and her hands slid away and back to her sides. Impassive, as she lowered her head and turned to face forward, gaze cast to the floor. Impassive, as she just stood there.

“What did…” She stopped to swallow and sniff. She looked up, eyes filled with still unshed tears, cheeks glistening from tears already spilled, a small section of her lips and chin red with blood. She had no words. Not anymore.

She looked down again. She felt his hand on her shoulder and was overwhelmed to the point of passing out. He caught her easily, holding her like that for a few seconds and contemplating all the reasons and all that had occured, knowing and not knowing at the exact same time.

AU: Well now… I should clear something up. I didn’t speed through this. ^^; *wipes sweat from her brow* Whew! ^^; I actually improvised the dark and spooky scenes… :P :P Nyaha!

AN:
If this is dark, keep in mind that I began writing this feeling very depressed for no apparent reason. The spices thing I heard from a Levite. A lot of this is purely made up. See, family names and lineage are very important in Jewish society. ‘Simmons’ and ‘Lucas’, while not exactly, precisely, PERFECTLY what I’m looking for, are close enough to suit my needs. And, based on historical facts, they are what I was looking for. Even so, since the MK universe isn’t necessarily our universe, I restate that this is made up. (The nurses’ roles here, that is)

Rill slept well the night of the second confrontation, as Azuma had labeled it. It was more than appropriate, really. It had been a confrontation, and it had been the second time…

But that was not something to be thought upon. There were far more important matters.

She stayed the next day feeling overly ashamed of herself. But there was still that lingering sense of something being off…

It probably was true that the eyes were the window to the soul. After all, the violet circles that were Rill’s eyes had always been vibrant and catlike. It was those amethyst eyes that helped to magnify the pride and confidence she radiated.

Now, though, her eyes had lost a sparkle or two, and she no longer looked alive and vivacious. Instead, she looked dull, or like a ghost. She no longer had that unique aura around her. Now it seemed as if every time a gaze was cast her way, the person risked being sucked into the same feeling of fatigue she now sported.

Even the color of her hair, which was actually a radiant golden blonde, seemed to look uncared for and dull, almost as if it were a dye wearing out.

The mere thought of why it was happening, why she had suddenly changed, was by far the more frightening detail. It could be any number of things.

Thinking back on the past month or so, it truly had nothing to do with the SLE treatment, though that had left her profoundly affected. Even so, that was not the reason, because it had been only a week or so ago that her behavior had taken such a drastic turn for a darker plane.

Maybe now would be a good time to ask for Yukine and Mitche’s help in the matter…

She woke up in a dark place. A very dark place. She sat up, and looking around told her that there were no walls, no celing, and no floor.

She heard the wraithlike woman sigh, but could not make out the expression on the nearly transparent figure.

“It is as I thought…” The pale, glowing one looked up. “But it matters not. There are those who wish to speak with you.”

She stood and briefly looked down at herself. She had the color of her skin and of her clothes, but the ghostly woman had none. She was simply white and grey.

“And oblivious as usual…” said the woman, chuckling softly yet maliciously.

“It is nothing that will not wait, and it will wait. Go, now, to those who call you. I shall torment thee later.”

“By the way,” the wraithlike one called. She continued when the blonde woman had turned her head and eyes to look at her. “I must say that I am impressed at your ability to ‘awaken’ so… awakenedly. You must pardon the wording of the phrase. I could find no other word more appropriate.”

Rill hmphed. “You’ll have time to spare to look up the right word. You won’t see me again.”

She began to walk away, not certain of where she was headed, and not caring, for that matter.

She snapped her head back in time to see the wraith-woman disappear. She shut her eyes tightly as an odd feeling of falling or spinning took over her.

She winced as sounds became clear to her foggy mind, and even more so when she realized she was sweating. Finally Rill opened her eyes, only halfway, and normalized her breathing.

She sat up and rubbed her forehead, but found herself being pushed back down. Her thoughts became more clouded and a hint of a migraine blossomed. Fighting against the confusion and unwelcome restraining hands, she made a move to swat them away.

And she did so. She listened to that word, for it was the only word spoken, and everything faded, her resolve included. Sleep loomed nearby until a sudden contact with cold shook it away. She winced and her hands flew to the source, which just happened to be someone else’s hand. Eyes still closed, she clung to the person’s wrist as he lightly dabbed the slightly swollen part of her lip with a cold, wet cloth.

Finally, she opened her eyes halfway and waited for things to come into focus. That was when she could remember more clearly. Who she was, where she was, who he was and why he was with her. But somehow, the details escaped her, and she didn’t notice.

For a moment, neither one of them spoke. Azuma already knew what he was going to say, but after seeing her react so much like she would have in the past, he felt he just wanted to observe, to see if he could find life in her dull purple eyes. But that was the problem. They were dull, duller than ever, if they could be. her fingers were still carefully wrapped around his wrist, refusing to let go even though she didn’t look like herself.

She closed her eyes and pulled her hands back, only to push away the blankets on her. “What time is it?” she asked in a half-raspy voice.

At least she was thinking clearly, he thought. He snapped back to normality. “Don’t worry. You’re still on time. Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to go, though?”

She sat up. He stood to let her move about freely. She was acting as if she was ready, that much was for sure. He watched her shuffle back and forth, looking almost like herself. If he hadn’t known her as well as he did, he would have sworn that everything really was all right.

Everything returned to the way it had been the past few days. Azuma, who was in the process of regaining lost weight and hair, had gone back to teaching, and Rill would constantly fuss over his condition, in that dull, far off manner.

“That’s true,” Yukine had commented. “When my little sister died, I got a pot of spices from my boyfriend. And I have to say, having that smell helped me heal.”

So the two had decided that since Dr. Rill’s soul was weak —there was no ‘apparently’ in their diagnosis—, they should fill the room with said smell.

The soft scent of the spices greeted Rill once she stepped inside the med bay. It was a comforting aroma, somehow, that she paused to breathe in before stepping in deeper. The two nurses looked up from the x-ray results they were studying and smiled.

“Good morning…” Rill said, a bit on the unsure side. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for the source of the sweet smell.

Mitche noticed. “Does it bother you?” she asked, not bothering to state the obvious.

“No…” the doctor said as she picked up a clipboard from a nearby examination able. She eyed it and commented distractedly, “It just seems… odd. Wouldn’t pine scents be more appropriate?”

Not at all offended by the rather blunt remark, Mitche kept her small smile, as well as the gentle look in her brown eyes. She caught the same expression on her teal eyed friend.

“Spices strengthen the soul,” Yukine stated simply. She continued after receiving a quick glance from the blonde woman. “You see, it’s the anniversary of my little sister’s death. She died of leukemia a few years ago.” Truth be told, she never felt more grateful about the date of the young girl’s death. It proved to be a good excuse to fill any room with the scent of spices.

Mitche disliked the silence that draped itself in the room. “Since this is an anniversary, the memory of the deceased is brought back. And so spices are placed around the house, so that the livings’ souls may continue on without weakening.”

Knowing that they had captured what little attention Rill was offering them, the two nurses continued their pursuit, following their roughly lain out plan.

“I remember…” Yukine began, looking out into space, though not literally, “that I tried so hard to make sure she was all right. I stayed with her as much as I could, and I made sure she ate, and the like…” She blinked back upcoming tears and sniffled before continuing, not letting the smile fade from her face. “I tried too hard, I think… But she was very grateful, even though it bothered her some.” A short, soft giggle. “I lost weight, I ate less, I slept less… I knew I was obsessing, but I also felt that if I didn’t, I’d be being a bad sister. I realized in time, though, and corrected it…” Tears slipped past her already wet eyelashes. “And when she died…” Her voice was almost a whisper now. “…I knew that we had no regrets, both she and I…”

Mitche placed a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder; the teal eyed woman turned her gaze to Rill, who had now locked her dull purple eyes on her.

‘She looks frightened… It isn’t you, is it, doctor? It’s not the you that everyone knows…’ “Instructor Azuma is not dead, nor will he die any time soon. I am eternally grateful for having had the chance to have known Gina. I remind myself of that every time I think of her. But you, your situation is different, doctor. Both of you can go on from where you left off, live until the end of your lives, without a threat as large as my sister’s. Please take the chance given to you. And be strong! I know what it feels like, I do, but I must remind you that we barely had any hope. What little hope we had was barely visible. But in your case… In your case, the hope is more real.”

“We worry too, about both of you,” Mitche added. “As for why we put the spices here…” She cast a quick glance at her co-worker before returning it to the blonde and continuing. “We thought you’d need strengthening as well. It just feels like everything has gotten darker these weeks, and, quite frankly and with no offense intended, I miss brightness.”

There was a very long, slightly awkward pause before Rill reacted. She couldn’t think clearly, and there had been so many things to process that her mind was starting to complain. By the time she finally had thought of something coherent to say, she had to repeat it in her mind over and over before she acted it out.

It was a nod. A far-out nod, accompanied by a mildly dumbstruck and distant look in her violet eyes. Offering a faint, tired smile, she said, “All right.”

And for a few seconds they just stood there, as if unsure of what to do next. Oddly enough, it was the doctor who acted. She gestured to the clipboard in her hand.

I injured my foot! -_- (Y’know when you’re walking in low-ish platform-ish shoes and suddenly your right foot slips to the outside and your entire pinky toe metatarsal and phalanges get to feel pain? Well, that, my friends, is pain. Immense pain. Pain I haven’t recovered from since SUNDAY, JUNE 23! -_-; I think something’s swollen, but I can’t tell, and I dunno what’ll happen if I tell my nurse mom. (She worries too much. ^^) Maybe Daddy can help me…)

AN:
Woo-hoo~ I’m writing for this thing again~ >. How incredibly enthusiastic. Anyway, I’m just itching to write a few more fics, so I’m gonna try to wrap this one up. (Probably not soon, but hopefully soon enough. ^^)

Sure, it was late. He’d give her that. Yes, she usually worked rather hard. That’s something else he could let her have. And, yeah, she looked like she was tired.

However, since that was only a suspicion of his, and he had no real reason to try to get any information out of her, he left her right where she was, which happened to be asleep, in a chair, in his room. That was annoying. What made it worse was the fact that Azuma simply didn’t know.

It was hard to stay angry, or even annoyed for long when there was silence. If possible, Rill looked healed when she was asleep.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ he asked no one, but mentally directed it at the blonde. ‘What happened?’ Sounds and images flooded his senses.

“Wait a minute,” he cut in at her meant-to-be-brief pause. “You mean to tell me that even though you knew shit about SLE, you suspected it? How the hell is that possible?”

He had caught her off guard. Completely off guard. She expected an outburst of sorts, but not this particular question.

“I, well… I-It just—” She gazed into his mud brown eyes and felt even more clueless. “I don’t know, really.”

“Is that so,” he intoned, flatly. “Well, find out, because I find it rather interesting that you somehow just knew what to look for.”

She sighed, wriggling her fingers at her sides and closing them into loose fists as she thought.

“I heard about it once, at a colony,” she stated slowly. “It was woman who had it, and I remember hearing about the tests they performed and the results and such.”

He said nothing, as if expecting her to say something more. She did have more to say, but she didn’t want to say it. And he could tell.

Azuma was no detective, but now that he thought about it, it didn’t make that much of a difference. All he wanted right now was to figure out what was going on and help Rill out of it. If he just knew…

Rill found herself in the void again. Her eyes were slightly narrowed in annoyance. She had said she wouldn’t return, and yet there she stood. Apparently it wasn’t her choice whether or not she came and/or left.

To Rill’s partial surprise, the wraith-woman appeared a few yards in front of her. Now she had a clearer image to take in. While still pale and ghostly, it was in plain sight that the woman’s hair was short, not going past her earlobes, with two longer locks, which fell past her chin, framing her face. Her bangs were relatively puffed and well-kept; what seemed like a plain diadem kept the rest of her short, puffy hair back. Why that was so familiar, Rill did not know…

The once proudly smiling wraith removed all traces of sarcastic politeness from her expression, giving the doctor a cold, harsh glare.

“Who dost thou think thou art to speak to me in that manner?” was her cold half-statement. “You are in no position to talk to me that way.”

“Oh, is that so?” Rill half-snapped, raising an eyebrow. “Somehow, the details as to why escape me.”

The wraith’s smirk returned as she lifted her arm and pointed to something behind the blonde. Rill looked the way the other woman was indicating to. She eyed the image shown to her, then turned back to the wraith.

The other woman managed a look of genuinely false worry. She sighed as her once extended hand came to rest on her heart. “He is suffering, is he not?” she intoned all too fakely.

“Actually, he’s fine,” Rill replied, immitating the wraith’s formal tone.

The wraith giggled softly, malevolently. “Ah, yes. I seem to have forgotten your… ‘help’, shall we call it? Or rather…” Her eyes narrowed more and her smirk became more visible. “…hindrance.”

“Oh, please do not tell me that thou does not remember(1) all the trouble that you caused him,” the other woman matter-of-factly stated.

“ ‘Trouble’ ? Since when is immediate medical attention ‘trouble’ ?”

Now, as the ghostly woman spoke, Rill saw images and scenes of what was being spoken about.

“…but you did not stop at that. You went on and on, repeating yourself, never once stopping in your little campaign.”

“Did you not stop to think that maybe he realized you were sorry? Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, he was bothered by your constant ‘helpful’ actions?”

Suddenly, the blonde felt overwhelmed. The images faded, and she felt as if she’d come just been through a traumatic experience. That defined the situation well enough. She didn’t move for a long time.

It was the other woman who broke the silence. “Weakness does not help weakness. Only strength can do that.” Her voice grew accusatory. “You are not strong.” She paused, as if she were a hawk circling her prey. “You have only made everything worse.”

“Why, of course not! What ever was I thinking when simply stating the facts! No, side effects were not something you planned on, but being weak with the weak would make anyone feel desperate. Why do you think he was so harsh?”

“That can wait, as I said before. And why do you wish to know? So you can cast the blame on me? That’s hardly an honorable thing to do…”

Now at a loss for words, Rill felt confused. ‘I’m not… blaming anyone… Just…’

From the silence, the other woman judged what was going on. ‘As I thought and as I knew would happen. Even now, after so long, you’re very predictable. Rill…’

The doctor struggled with her conflicting emotions. ‘Just myself…’ She shook her head. “You’re wrong. Azuma doesn’t see it that way.”

“You don’t get it, do you,” the wraith stated rather than asked. “I suppose I’ll have to be blunt, then.” She deliberately waited a few moments so that her next statement would be clearer and heard better. “Your ignorance is inevitably killing him!!” She hid a smirk when Rill flinched. “While it is true that the disease was not something acquired from the air, tension and stress can make it worse. Your stupidity is stressing your Azuma Hijikata out, and that, Rill Croford, is not what any regular individual would consider ‘help’ .”

Realization set in instantly, but her outward expression took a while longer to change. Slowly, she lowered herself to the non-floor — beacuse it wasn’t seen, but she could stand on it —; a single tear of hers hit the non-floor, causing it to ripple, and producing the sound of a drop hitting water, which echoed through the void.

With a contented smile and a dark look in her eyes, the wraith looked down at her hand. It looked as if it weren’t solid, just as the whole of her did. That would soon change in the same manner that she now had color in her skin…

Every sound seemed distant. All things before her were blurred, and she felt as though she moved not of her own will. When she was asked something, she couldn’t make out what it was, but she found herself answering perfectly. Not that she could understand what she said, though. It was as if she was just watching herself, only she was herself. When her shift was over and she was outside, she felt more in control of herself. Thinking back, she recalled having heard that eerie voice again, only she couldn’t make out what was being said…

Though the fact was that she seemed more alive, he felt something was off. Sure enough, no one could notice that. Not someone whose contact with her was occasional, or who had only been around her for a few years. Almost an entire lifetime of close interaction was on his side. That was the only thing that enabled him to see. Her eyes, they looked alive. But they did not look like hers.

Step by step, the rhythmic slapping of their shoes on the metallic floor echoed through the corridor. He was trying to catch up, whereas she was simply walking. There was something so familiar lingering in the air.

“Rill,” he called out. After seconds of waiting, he got no reply. “Rill.” He repeated himself, more loudly, but still she continued walking obliviously. And then he went to his last resort. He reached for her shoulder while calling to her again and spinning her around to face him. But as she turned her head in his direction, he could have sworn her eyes were blue, and that her hair was a shorter, fluffier mane of brown, and that the look in her eyes was of evil intent…

He sighed and allowed himself a long blink to get his thoughts under control. “I’m fine.”

Her tired smile seemed genuine enough, and her eyes looked almost like her own. Then what was it that he saw before, that he felt before… He shook the thought away by nodded at her.

“I’ll see you later,” she continued. “I have… a few things to take care of.”

He nodded dumbly and watched her go, the thought of the image he saw hanging before his eyes. He had seen her before.

Whatever livelyhood had earlier settled in was now gone, and all that was left was the distant, tired, seemingly contemplative blonde woman Azuma knew to be Rill Croford. Only she acted as if she were not herself. The silence that hung in the room was so thick that he barely heard her call his name in a low, hardly audible voice.

Almost afraid that too loud a sound would frighten her, he slowly stepped until he was near enough for her to see without turning her head or moving her eyes, which she did not do. Instead, she seemed to squint; her eyes shone with what were most probably unshed tears.

The question caught him off guard, and he did not know what to reply. For a moment he just stared, dumbstruck. Her voice had cracked somewhere in the sentence; he did not like where this was going, if it was going where he thought it was. But she spoke again before he could respond.

He reached for one of her hands and held it with both of his, trying his best to read her eyes, a difficult task at the angle he stared from. “No,” said he. “What would make you think that?”

Rill swallowed and lowered her gaze, and after breathing deeply, she said, “That’s not what she said.”

“I don’t know…” The blonde leaned back in her seat, casting a seemingly blind look toward the ceiling. “She knows you… knows me…”

…as she turned her head in his direction, he could have sworn her eyes were blue, and that her hair was a shorter, fluffier mane of brown, and that the look in her eyes was of evil intent…

The bells of a memory rung in his mind. If he could decipher their melody, he would find out what was going on. He could ask no one for help now, that was for sure. Whoever Rill was talking about was trying to distort the facts. That clearly explained the sudden droop(2) in the blonde’s aura. Whoever ‘she’ was, he would find out…

AN: I’m trying not to rush it. ^^; Really, I am. I told myself that I had to have this chapter out TODAY or I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. It’s July 28. I’m pleased with myself. ^^

(1) Yes, I know the archaic English is mixed up with modern English. But you don’t know that it was intentional. (Now you know. ^^)

(2) Yes, not “drop” but “droop”. I almost left it at “drop”, but it didn’t work there. ^~

AN:
You can be thankful that I’d planned most of this fic out. If I hadn’t I’d REALLY be stuck. ^_^; And, um, that first bit of narration borrows heavily from The 13th Pro-Ing translation at Naruto House. (You guys owe Shizuki big time for that. ^^)

AN dated 12.06.2002
I’m going to wrap this up in this final chapter. I really want to get on with other fics, and AngelofLight’s recent rewriting of Academy of War has inspired me to finish up and focus! So if the writing here sucks, know that I was seriously just trying to finish this without cutting it too short. I had enough to write another chapter, but I don’t wanna. *sweatdrop* So, here it is, the end. *collapses*

Though the Victim they fought was hurt, it put up quite the fight. They fought hard, weakening it considerably. But then…

“Number 19, Azuma Hijikata. You have been selected to become an Ingrid Pilot.”

“I’m honored,” the Candidate turned Pilot replied. “But I’m currently in combat with a Victim.”

“The other four should be able to take care of it. Your communication line to other Candidates has been disconnected.”

With that rather abrupt comment, the instructor ended the transmission, and the now Pilot Azuma Hijikata left the battle area. But after he left, the Victim he had fought against only moments earlier attacked with its remaining strength.

“Give us a hand, Azuma!” called Cain Fisher, Candidate 13. “Azuma, can you hear us? Where are you?!” His call went unheard, for he did not know that his friend could not hear him. “Where are you?! Azumaaaa…”

When Rill sauntered into his room that day, he knew at once that it wasn’t her. Not in that distant, barely alive sort of manner. She looked radiant; the sparkle was back in her eyes and her smug smile was present once more. But it wasn’t her smile, and the light in her eyes was reflected all wrong.

When she asked how he was feeling, it almost wasn’t her voice. While the tone and rhythm were essentially the same, the depth was felt too greatly, and there was almost an echo to it.

He stared down at her, not faltering in the intenseness of the look in his eyes.

She looked surprised, her confident smile flickering momentarily, but regained her composure rather quickly.

Immediately the smile left both her eyes and her lips and was replaced by a narrow glare.

“I don’t care if you know,” she said. “The point is you’re too late to save her. You won’t be able to have contact with your Rill Croford, and if you’ll so kindly recall, she wasn’t very ‘awake’, to say the least. It’s all up to her now.”

Azuma tried not to look enraged, but failed miserably. “What the hell are you babbling about?”

“A body is just a vessel. It can house more than one soul at a time. So even though I am not her, I am the one speaking to you, and the one who will remain in control.” She paused, thoroughly pleased with his reaction. “Only she can help herself now. And if she hasn’t recognized me, I’m not surprised you haven’t either.”

“Oh, fine. One hint.” She chuckled softly. Once it faded away, so did any hint of enjoyment; in place of that was a deep ire, emotion which dripped from her next words. “I am going to destroy everything that’s important to you, even if it kills me.”

She started to walk away, but he didn’t let her leave — he took a tight hold of her arm. She turned her head to see him out of the corner of her eye, smiling menacingly again.

“It’s still her body,” she said icily. “Are you sure you’ll be able to stand hurting it?”

He let go, keeping back the immense amount of insults he had thought of, because she was right, it did feel wrong. It felt like a nightmare, one he couldn’t wake up from.

She turned around and stared at him rather blankly. And then without warning, she fell forward; he caught her on a reflex.

She walked across the space between herself and she whose vessel she shared. While Rill still looked solid, all her color had been drained; she, however, was colorful yet semi-transparent.

“You won’t win,” Rill said suddenly, causing the other woman to stop in surprise and confusion. “You can’t. I would never let you.”

The ghostly woman smirked. “Of course you wouldn’t. But you know what? You’re too late for yousrelf.” Even though she tried, she couldn’t help but feel a bit of insecurity creep up. Rill was not supposed to know of her plan, not until it had been completely seen through.

“I know who you are,” Rill said slowly, turning to face the wraith as she spoke. “And I know why you’re doing this…

Rana’s blue eyes narrowed and she took a step back. “Impossible. How could you have recovered so quickly? The last time I saw you you looked like a lost little girl! The way I once felt! It took me years to recover!”

“That’s because you blamed everyone else for what happened,” Rill calmly stated. “I knew it was you when you tried to speak in archaic English. You never could speak it right.” She paused to regard the look of surprise on Rana’s face. “What, did you think I’d just forgotten you?”

“You forgot about Cain,” Rana spat. “Why shouldn’t you forget about me?”

“Damn it, Rana, will you stop that!?” Now Rill was the one who looked severe, and Rana the one looking weak. “All right, I’ll admit it, Cain’s death was partially my fault because I didn’t stay with you a bit longer after Azuma and I got promoted. But you know that it was you who encouraged me to leave at once!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Rana shot back. “I never heard from you again after that, you weren’t even at his funeral! It isn’t fair!”

Both of them had risen to the peak of their respective states of mind at the same time, but it was Rill who was the first to rise to understanding.

“I wanted — no, we — we wanted to be there for you,” she said, her tone much softer than it hand been seconds previous. “Me more than him, but —”

Their eyes, which had been staring out at different directions into the blackness around them, met; both the violet ones and the blue ones saying so many things it would have been impossible to try and decipher them.

“I was really jealous of you and Azuma. Which… which is why I wanted to hurt you.”

During the silence that followed, Rill tried to conjure the best words to ask a question she’d been wanting to know the answer to for a while now.

Rana nodded once. “I got really sick. By then I didn’t want to live anymore, so I just let it happen.” She paused, her eyes misty. “It was about a year ago.”

What followed was the embodiment of every emotion that saturated the space they were in. Rill walked over to Rana and tightly hugged her; the other woman did the same. The color drained from the wraith and returned to the blonde as the brunette softly wept.

Beside him, he felt her stir, and instantly his tiredness left him. By the time he turned to look at her — which wasn’t a very long time at all — Rill had her eyes wide open and was staring up at the ceiling, not lifting her head from the back of the seat. Azuma said nothing, unsure of what one should say in a situation like this to begin with.

But Rill seemed to take the hint; that, or she just knew she had to speak first.

“She wanted to make us suffer,” she said, “because she suffered so much when Cain died.”

Rill nodded awkwardly due to her current position. “But I got through.” She lifted her head and looked at him. “She’ll be reborn soon, I hope.” She added in an undertone, “Maybe she’ll see the war end.”

Azuma, who had been staring blankly, heard her and knew it was a cue to simply stay silent, and when he looked at her again, she was asleep. He followed suit with a smile.

And if that wasn’t the worst thing I’ve written in my entire life… well, I’ll be very surprised. I nver thought I’d let myself do this to such a nice little project, but it really is true that when you move on and leave things behind and then go back to fix them, it’ll never be as fun as it was before. If you’re wondering about the sudden “disappearance” of the whole SLE thing, it wasn’t intentional, and no, I really don’t see how I could’ve incorporated it into this. So…bye, MK fandom. Thank the Lord, thank the reviewers, thank Sugisaki-san.