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Why not check out their website here,
because you can never afford to be away from that ticker
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WORLD NEWS FLASH, FLASH, FLASH
NETWORK 2 SECURE WEDDING COVERAGE
by Peter Ingram in Stockholm
World News NOW is the first to confirm that the O'Connor-Lantz wedding will be live in Network 2, despite the fact that if Ireland reach the quarter-final of the World Cup, the match will be on only 2 hours before the wedding.
Network 2 executives say that we can only speculate that Ireland will be in the quarterfinal, and so they are sticking with the safe option and broadcasting the wedding. When asked what would happen if the wedding went to extra time, they confirmed that they would stay with the wedding until the end. There is speculation that if this overlap occurs there will be split screen coverage of both events.
Whatever happens though, we'll be guaranteed some entertainment that day!
BOUT OF LAZINESS TAKING OVER
by Peter Ingram in Bed
World News NOW is suffering the just the same as the rest of the world from a bout of chronic laziness that has arisen in recent weeks, as you can see by the lack of new stories. Early research into this laziness seems to point to the sun. Solar Activity is at a 100 year low over March and April, leading to fewer particles being ejected and collected by the earth's upper atmosphere. These particles known as Energons are what are responsible for motivation and interest in the human brain. So we here at World News NOW have decided rather than trying to face the storm of this laziness, we'll just ride it out quietly.
MAX POWER!
by Peter Ingram in Swaziland
World News NOW has come up with another exclusive from the world of technology. It was revealed at a conference in Las Vegas Nevada, that Sony, Philips, Intel, Nokia, Panasonic, Motorola, Dell, and Cisco Systems are to merge in the largest financial move ever. The new company called Sonpinopamodecs, is already working on the most advanced portable communications device ever.
The device called the CompuMaxPower, will be a DVD player, Satellite TV, Mobile Phone, Personal Computer, Internet Server, Global Positioning System, Time Machine, DJ Mixer, MP3 Player, Laser Gun, Radio Broadcaster, Digital Video Camera, Games System, and Personal Organizer all in one.
The scheduled release date is October 2005, and early prototypes suggest the device will be no bigger than a postage stamp. When asked how a TV could be the size of a postage stamp the spokesman came out with some technical jargon which put an end to the mystery!
What good will this device be to the common man......who cares!?
WATCH FOR ONCOMING TRAFFIC!
by Peter Ingram in Brazil
World News NOW has learned that from April 31st 2002, the globe will switch to the left hand-side of the road. From this date, everyone will drive on the left, and plans are being put in place for a smooth transition worldwide. This will of course mean massive revenues for car dealers and mechanics alike as everyone changes to right hand drive cars. The move is expected to catapult Ireland and the U.K. to the forefront of the economic world as they already use the left side, and will not have to fork out billions to change road signs and markings nationwide. Governments worldwide have welcomed this move to unity, with the general opinion being that every country should strive to be exactly the same as all the others.
The next step in Global Unity is due to be implemented in 2005 when the U.N. will formulate a plan to ensure that as much of the world as possible will reside at the same height above sea level, be destroying mountains and filling quarries with the rubble.
Fish Protest Water Shortage
Worrying Times for North
Atlantic Mackerel
Leopards join Single Currency
The Leopards Take the
Financial Plunge
Lost Property
This Unusual Object
Disappeared This Week
