The World Cup Starts Friday May 31st

'WOOOOHOOOOOO'!!

This page is gonna have My Two Cents throughout the tournament, or at least until I go to Sweden on the 16th!.

I'll stick in my post-match comments if I'm not drowning in a sea of tears, or for that matter swimming in a sea of alcohol.

DISCLAIMER: If you dont agree with what I have to say you can FUCK OFF by clicking HERE.

In searching for pictures for this site I found quite a lot of stuff about world cups in 'other sports'...How dare they take the name world cup in vein...Bastards...anyway...heres one from... the skiing world cup..

So will our man Steve Staunton get his paws on the trophy...probably not according to the bookmakers, who seem to have discounted the fact that Ireland dont operate by conventional laws of sense and order.......

THE TEam:

Here's what I think you can expect from the camp of Z-list celebrities that happen to have a Harp on their passport and a special place in Mick's heart.....

Goalkeeper: Shay Given

Well, according to Packie he's better than Barthez, and maybe he's right....but Shay's not getting a bloody fortune to let the ball in like Barthez is he.....Anyway....he could stop a shot fired out of a Cannon, but seems to have some trouble with crosses...lets call him Jesus.

If he does what he's meant to he could help our cause no end...still....three 0-0 draws and we're going home!

Rating: ****

Defenders:

Steve Finnan

Looks like the favoured right back for the tournament, bit of a non-entity, but if he does what he meant to and stays out of trouble he'll be neither a help nor a hinderance, I mightve picked Gary Kelly, but what do I know.....

Rating: ***

Ian Harte

Could be useful if everyone decides to foul us repeatedly on the edge of the 18 yard box..I'm guessing he'll score one goal along the way from a free, unfortunately he'll probably cost us a hat load, as he likes to run around like a headless chicken and forget what position he plays in occasionally:

Rating: *** if he remembers what he's doing

Steve Staunton

The new captain eh...a man who might be too timid to tell chess pieces where they should be never mind humans! Still, played well against Nigeria, been around the block a few times....hopefully he'll cover for the wanderly wagon Kenny Cunningham:

Rating: ***1/2

Kenny Cunningham

The man needs to know where he should be...simple as that! He tends to let strikers run around like free range chickens, instead of keeping a tight reign and positioning himself well....Expect to see at least one Terry Phelan-esque disaster from him.

Rating: **

Midfielders:

Jason McAteer

If nothing else, he'll try his best; sometimes his best is a shot on goal that goes out for a throw, sometimes its perfect crosses, and tireless hassling of the other team in midfield. An Asset!

Rating: ****

Mark Kinsella

Wellity, wellity, wellity, if it isnt the first of the men who'll have to fill Keano's shoes. All I can say is good luck!

Rating: ***

Matt Holland

The other man who has to fill in for Roy. Another hot and cold merchant. Hopefully more of his screaming 25 yarders will end up in the goal as opposed to the usual result.....ROW Z!

Rating: ***

 Kevin Kilbane

It never hurts to have a man who'll run at the bastards, and God bless Kev, he gets the ball, sticks his head down, runs as fast as he can till he sees the end line and swings one in!....In fairness though he takes too many shots whan he should pass.

Rating:***

Forwards

Damien Duff

Right, this is where it gets serious. Put simply if he does his stuff, I reckon we can score a couple of goals against anyone, its just down to the yokels behind him to keep the ball out of our net...Damo can make something from nothing, unlike Robbie Keane who has to have the ball served to him with a napkin and a bottle of Champagne on a golf tee to guarantee a shot on goal.

Rating: **********************************

Robbie Keane

Perhaps my earlier comments were a bit harsh, if he plays well, alongside Duff we'll be singing come 9:30 Am on Saturday Morning. So please, just pray to God, or whoever's in charge of people from Tallaght, that he wont spend the match thinkin' about Big Macs and he'll actually score a goal.

Rating: somewhere between * and *****.

So there you have it, Ireland havent a bloody hope of doing a thing in the world cup, and yet somehow......they just might.....watch this space....well, not this space, but the TV.