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There are certain things in my
life that I would call them miracles... you
know... when I was in junior high... I went to a youth camp with the Speed
(a church, last time I heard it was called GYKT, Gereja Yesus Kristus Tuhan)
people... at that camp... Bro. Samiton, as usual, prophecied... about young
people that will become leaders... and at certain time he said... who are
among you that feel God call you to be leaders in technology... and at that
time I felt that calling really strong... he prayed for some of us... and
life went back as usual... but since that day I always remember that and I
put that in my heart...
Then... I did my high school and when I was about to graduate... I really
wanted to go to US... however, there was not enough funds for me to do so...
I was so dissapointed... but I moved on... But again, when I was trying to
find a good university in Indonesia (probably "good" is overrated
for
Indonesian University... anyway... I need to choose the lesser evils)... I
wanted to go to UPH and I was so sure that I would go there... but guess
what... we didn't have enough money to fund me to UPH (UPH's tuition was
twice the other private universities)... my mom was stressed and she cried a
lot.. she felt that she couldn't provide me... but God was (and is) good...
in the 95 easter celebration... the time where Speed was flooded with God's
Spirit... the Holy Laughter and stuff... my mom for the first time got it...
and God told my mom to trust Him... she trusted Him from that moment... and
we only registered to UPH... I got accepted and in short... God provided...
Then after two years in UPH... it seemed that God opened a way for me to go
to US to study (Oklahoma State University)... we struggled with God asking
whether that was really His way... my relatives actually didn't approve me
going and said that I only wanted to waste money... but we prayed ... and we
believed in God... we sold almost everything we had to provide me enough
funds to survive in US... only for a year... and it was 1997... we thought
that we could save some money for the next year as we went along... but as
you know... the asian economic collapsed... and the US dollars became very
expensive (and still is)... at the beginning of summer 1998... I was left
with about 3000 dollars in my bank account... and I was told by my mom that
she couldn't send me enough money because of the exchange rate... I needed
3500 dollars just for summer's tuition only... and I was so stressed and
dissapointed... I asked God... why did you even allow me to go here?...
Many people prayed for me... even my pastor's wife (IFGF Stillwater, OK) and
some sisters (not sure why only sisters though) prayed for me specially and
kinda had an inner healing session because I was so bitter... I cried loudly
(which was not a "manly" thing to do... in front of sisters)...
some (big)
part of me was so bitter because I didn't want to go back without a degree
and some (small) part of me wanted to believe God that He would provide
me... I was better after that though... but I was still under stress... and
I thought that I really was going to go back and transferred my credits to
UPH again... at that time... I didn't try to look for a job because most of
the job only pay 5.15 dollars per hour which wouldn't be enough for
generating 20000 USD per year...
However, at some point... I saw an ad in the CS (Computer Science)
department's message board... that the OSU's agriculture department was
looking for a programmer that knew a little bit about agriculture computer
system and some databases... I didn't have that qualification so I didn't
want to apply... However, there was some strange voice that told me to just
try to apply... nothing to lose it said... (I believe the voice was God's
now)... it kept haunting me... and I kept resisting it for several days...
until at some point I just felt enough of it and went ahead to try it... I
was asked to send my resume and waited for the call for the interview...
I
was interviewed and they asked some questions about some agriculture
computer systems that I didn't know about... after the interview I felt that
I wouldn't get it... and also there were other applicants which were master
students (I was still an undergraduate student)... but I said in my heart...
hey... I tried... but the Lord was (and is) good... I was accepted and I was
required to start immediately with a 8.5 dollars wage per hour... I was
relieved for a moment... at least I could get through the summer... and
actually the job contract was only for that summer...
I worked 30 hours a week while taking 12 credit hours of courses during the
summer(normal people usually take 6 credit hours at summer). I need to take
many courses at a time because I need to graduate fast if I want to graduate
in the US at all...
When in the middle of summer... again the same problem... I needed about
8000 USD for tuition and living cost of fall semester... and my job contract
was about to be expired... My colleagues were all master students... I did a
better job than them... but they got an assistantships (it means they were
paid higher, 1040/month and only paid a third of the tuition fee) and I
didn't... so I asked my supervisor (a post-doctoral fellow) about the
possibility of getting an assistantship for the Fall... the supervisor
actually worked for a professor in the department of agriculture which was
on leave to New Zealand for his sabattical year (every tenured professor in
US get one year off with half the salary after each five years of teaching,
and he/she can work outside the university during that year).
So, basically I never met my actual employer... the supervisor (who was from
Mainland China) favored me among the others because he knew I worked the
hardest... and he was willing to talk in my favor to the professor (which
was his employer also)... I communicated with him only with e-mails... and I
asked the professor whether I could get an assistantship... which was a bit
impossible... because assistantships are usually given only for graduate
students (master and Ph.D students), undergraduate students are
usually
given an hourly wage per hour as programmers without the benefit of only
paying a third of the fee each semester... anyhow... I tried to ask even if
I know the chance was really low... I never met him and it's not the usual
thing that happen... basically the chance was like winning a jackpot... the
professor emailed me back saying that he would consider it and he thought
that I was a master student (not a well-informed employer it seems)... but
then I thought he agreed because of my English limitations of intrepeting
his email... I went ahead saying I was only a Bachelor student and I thanked
him for giving me the assistantship... he replied... well... I have not said
that I would give you an assistantship... I said I would consider it... I
replied back in shame that I was sorry I misintrepeted the email and I
waited for his decision... btw, at that time I was doing a ministry for IFGF
church planting which was two hours driving from the city I lived
(Stillwater, OK to Wichita, KS) every Friday night... the next Friday night
after that I got a message in my answering machine from my supervisor saying
that I got the assistantship... I jumped and shouted like crazy... I woke up
my roommate (it was 2am in the morning)... and I told him about that... he
jumped and shouted also...
God!!! what a relief... I could finish my degree in the US after all... that
night before I slept... I prayed and then I cried... I felt like a fool for
not trusting God... I felt ashamed... I was angry and bitter but He was (and
still is) faithful to me... that night I slept like a baby after months of
under stress...
Several weeks passed by and the time had come for me to plan the next big
thing... what I should do after I graduate... I prayed to God and asked for
His directions... He didn't answer me clearly... but it sounded like
"Ph.D."... I liked the idea because it seemed to match the
description of
the prophecy. I shared this with my friends, leaders, and my pastors, most
of them sounded not favoring the plan... including my pastor... my pastor
said it was better to work first especially when Indonesia was so bad
economically so I can support my family if anything was to happen... plus I
could help him as his assistant planting churches... I was so confused...
which one should I go?... I prayed... and prayed... but this time... no
voices... nothing... nada... I was so confused that time... so I decided to
apply for jobs and apply for graduate study... just in case God would tell
me which one to go later... so I put my resume and tried to find school...
I went to OSU's CS graduate advisor... he told me that I need to apply for
Ph.D. if I was to be guaranteed to get an assistantship from the CS
department... but I could not apply for the next Spring because I didn't
take the GRE subject test (which is only offered three times a year), and I
missed the deadline to take the test. If I applied as a master student then
I couldn't get an assistantship from the CS department. Thus, the next
logical thing to do was to ask my employer at that time, whether he would be
able to fund me as a research assistant during my master study. He said he
couldn't promise me at that time... so basically there wasn't a good chance
at that time to continue in OSU... so I asked the CS graduate advisor again
whether there was a chance to get assistantship as a master student... he
said there was little chance because there were twenty people ahead of me
that were waiting to get one, and then he told me that I deserved more and
better off to go to better and bigger school than OSU instead (which was
very generous of him to say that)... he pointed to me that Dr. John Hatcliff
was going to move to K-State and that I should ask him about the graduate
study at K-State. I knocked at his door and I asked about the graduate study
at K-State, and he said... are you going for Ph.D.?... I said yes... then he
asked again... are you interested in programming language semantics? (which
is a related field to the course which he taught me)... I said yes... and
then he smile and said... wow... you've made my day... come on in... you
should definitely come to K-State... I would promise you assistantships... I
thought... is this God? is this the way you show me the way?... :)
He told me all the good things about K-State and persuade me to not apply to
another university and guaranteed me acceptance and assistantship to K-State
(note: I was the top scorer in his class, getting 105%+ out of 100%, I did
the extra credit works). Ok, so at least that's the only sure way at that
time. I still applied for jobs though, still tried to be open for God's sure
voice. I got interviewed for jobs, but I'm not interested with the jobs that
were offered. I needed to move to Silicon Valley to get an interesting
job... and then later, I finished some projects for my employer, then he
said he would provided me funds for my master study. Also, my pastor said he
would recommend me for funding by IFGF to go for a theology degree and
probably be a pastor. I kept praying, and no definite answer to where I
should go. But, I knew for sure that God didn't put my heart to do pastoral
work... and I'm still sure about it until now...
IFGF churches in Southwest area had Thanksgiving retreat that year
(actually... every year), I went there, there were two pastors at different
time that prophecied to me, confirming the first prophecy. So, I felt
that
I should go for Ph.D. So, I decided to go to K-State. I had a mixed feeling
about it but I had to make a decision, and my decision was set.
By God's grace and His faithfulness, I graduated from Oklahoma State
University on December 12, 1998. Too bad my mom couldn't come because of
lack of money. However, my relatives which were in the US came to my
graduation ceremony. You know, God didn't only provide me enough funds to
finish my degree... but He gave me more... He gave me the strength and the
intellectual to finish my degree with Summa Cum Laude (basically, GPA 4.0
out of 4.0, straight A's), and I was honored to be a member of the honor
society of Phi Kappa Phi (FYI, one need to be in the best top 10% of the
college to be invited to join the Phi Kappa Phi). As members of Phi Kappa
Phi, we were honored to sit in front of the other graduatees in the
graduation ceremony and hooded (as with Master and Ph.D. students). There
were only aroung ten Phi Kappa Phi members. My mom heard the news from my
relatives... and my mom was really proud of me and she testified to the
family... that if God started it, He would finish it good... really... all
the glory to God... in Jesus name... if it was not God's hand, I would not
be able to even finish the degree...
A little bit of recent developments... I got my master degree on August,
2000 and I'm now pursuing my Ph.D. degree. I still don't know what God will
use me for... I'm just hoping that He will guide me through my life. You
know, I have tasted a little bit of His goodness, grace and mercy, so I
could talk about it. I don't know my future, and I'm not sure that I will be
succesful in life or even finish my Ph.D. However, even though all else
fail, I know for sure that God loves me fully, that's all that matter. After
all, I'm just a sinner, who was saved and received His grace and now trying
to follow His footsteps. His goodness and mercy follows me forever and ever.
No matter what this life brings, Jesus is Lord, and I hope and pray that I
can finish the race good until the day I meet my Lord.
--
robby
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